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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » YOUR Safe Space :-)

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Author Topic: YOUR Safe Space :-)
Ecofem
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Where's YOUR safe space?

For all the dark back alleys and homes that feel anything but sweet, there are those warm and welcoming places where you feel safe and comfortable.

Where do you feel safe? It could be a physical or geographical location or a virtual home-away-from-home. Perhaps you're still looking for one and that's ok, too.

[Personally, I find Scarleteen to be a safe and welcoming space online. Reading Jill2000Plus's recent post that mentioned this reminded me how fortunate I am to have this resource when there's all-too-many less welcoming places online. I need to think about a physical location. What about you?]

[ 04-08-2009, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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bluejumprope
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Safe spaces are really important to me. I get easily overwhelmed around groups of people, so when I go anywhere, I tend to automatically seek out protected corners.

Libraries are always safe spaces for me. I have a handful of semi-hidden benches around town that I go to a lot. There's also a cemetery near my house that I feel safe in. My home often feels like a safe space too.

Other spaces: in baths and showers, diners, in bed with my partner, on trains, my therapist's office, sometimes my childhood home, supermarkets late at night, woods I know well, the hospital parking lot. And, just walking around most areas usually makes me feel safe.

[ 04-08-2009, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: bluejumprope ]

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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Silverwing
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I feel safest wrapped up in a thin blanket in the fetal position lying down, or sitting up hugging my legs. Also, libraries have this calming effect on me, because I love books so much, and I love taking walks in nature because it's so peaceful and quiet.
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Parapluie
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I feel most safe in my bedroom, with the door closed.
This is a little weird, but I also feel the most safe walking in the middle of the road at night (I walk/bus as my main mode of transport), and I think this is because I have a clear view of everything around me.
I used to feel safe sitting up in my university's library as well, right by the biggest window. I agree with Silverwing that libraries can have a calming effect, which for me is because of the quiet.

[ 08-13-2009, 11:51 PM: Message edited by: Parapluie ]

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"The truth of all predictions is always in your hands."

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goodmagpie
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These cafés called Blue Creek and The Treehouse, mainly because I'm always in them with people I love.
In a select few very special people's arms.
My boyfriend's house.

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jilly bean13
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Deffinatly I am safe a comfy cozy in my bed under my covers:) I also feel safe at my brothers house.
I feel safe in the shower bc no one can bother me there lol. When I go to the coffe shop with a book i like to just sit there and read for a couple hours I feel safe and peaceful and calm.

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live and let live

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littlespoon
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My boyfriend's house.

Rationally I know there's nothing really unsafe about my own place, but i just get antsy in it at night- it's very big; it tends to creak a lot; it's full of windows; and my parent's room is at the opposite end of the house to mine.

My boyfriend's place is like a snug, compact little fortress (hehe, that sounds awful, but i mean it in a good way!). It's more like a large unit than a house; the windows all have blinds on them; and it's small enough that you can hear what's going on in every room (me, paranoid? never!). Plus it has my boyfriend in it, which is obviously good [Smile]

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This is our last dance; this is ourselves.

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Kalex
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Because I lived overseas for six years, my hometown took on a 'safe place' quality. I didn't want to be where I was for most of the time. I felt isolated and scared, but I found that closing my eyes and doing mental walk-throughs of my house and neighbourhood made me feel better.

Now that we're back, my room has become my haven. Everything is arranged (it's a mess, but an organized one) the way I want, and I can feel that my own personality has impacted the space. The walls are warm, caramel wood, and it feels like being in the cabin of a ship. Definitely a good place to be.

And like bluejumprope mentioned, I tend to seek out protected corners. Standing with my back to or near the wall is strangely comforting.

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September
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In a lot of ways, safe spaces for me are more situational than geographical, because I've moved around so much for the past ten years of my life that there are few places I really feel connected to.

I feel safest when I have my family around me (parents, brother, pets). Or when I am driving with my parents, especially at night or in the rain.

Places that I've grown attached to recently include the cafeteria at my University (I have spent whole days in there, studying - I prefer the noise to the quiet of the library) and the house of a friend of mine (she lives with her parents and has a large, kind, caring family).

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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leahmeadowes199277
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i feel really safe in my home, hanging out with my mom. or at my cousin's house, i always feel really safe there because she's one of the closest people to me (we've been best friends for almost 16 years) and i know that neither her or her parents would let anything happen to me.
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ilovemydog123
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I've moved around a lot as well, and was never really somewhere long enough to find my own safe place, but I used to feel safe at one of my old foster homes. I loved my foster mum but it was tragic when she died of leukemia 3 years after I moved there.

This might sound strange but my only 'safe' place right now is the cemetery where my parents are buried. I sit next to their graves and I feel safe, kinda like they're watching over me. It looks silly as I write it, but yeah. [Smile]

[ 08-31-2009, 01:51 AM: Message edited by: ilovemydog123 ]

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Kalex
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My other safe place, which I don't really have anymore because I graduated, was a certain part of my school library behind the fiction section (the best part). It was very quiet and calm. Plus I was surrounded by books.

I don't think there's anything strange or silly about the cemetery being your safe place, Erica. I find cemeteries can be very peaceful places. I imagine it'd be a comfort, having somewhere to go and feel that connection to your family. They're a part of you, and always will be.

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Jill2000Plus
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Yeah, I mean I don't believe in souls or life after death and I feel comforted when I'm by my grandparents' graves, it's like looking at photographs, in a way graves kind of provide a permanent 3 dimensional embodiment of the dead, even after someone's rotted away there's something physical of homosapien proportions (sorta) to sit by and relate to, though actually my gran was cremated, I've never been able to visit where her ashes were scattered unfortunately, but I'd like to.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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pantokrator
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I've always felt really safe when I'm in my car alone. No one can bother me and the view is always changing.

I also really like libraries. The peace and quiet is nice.

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-Lauren-
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In a deep, hot bath. Weirdly enough, it's the only place I can attribute nothing negative to, likely due the fact I never had access to a bathtub during life in my parents' home. So all my bathing memories are happy and filled with my grandmother's voice. It's so wonderful to have at least one activity and associated set of memories that no one has ever tried to ruin for me.
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Selkie
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Online, anywhere. I know that the web has a lot of "unsafe" material on it, but I think I've got most of the tips and tricks down. When I'm online, I can be myself! Without seeing people laughing at me, or anything else.

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"Fear is the mind-killer"
-Don't be afraid.

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HeyLife
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In my car is the safest place. It's like a little space made just for me, and I can lock it away and then climb in when I need to go somewhere. I can put on music and sing along and drive a bit fast with the windows open, and not mind that it's a bit dirty and makes noise. It's like a good, old friend, a little portable personal space.

My boyfriend's bed is actually not a safe place to me, because we have sex there and we've always got one ear open for anyone walking by, haha. But my bed at college is a safe place, because I'm usually alone, or talking on the phone or internet to someone I like or love. Plus in college you really learn to love sleep a lot =)

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Bragorien
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When I am with my boyfriend, I feel really safe and secure.
My last boyfriend got my trust, then cheated on me a lot. he was a drunkard and very violent when he he was angry (and I'm lucky I was never around at these times!!)
So having my new boyfriend, whom I have learnt to trust, is really nice.
This weekend, a cousin of mine was killed in a car accident, and he helped me cope on the first day after finding out, he just makes me feel happy and safe no matter what - so much so, i felt guilty that I had stopped crying for my cousin.
But the minute he has to leave everything comes back and it hits me again: school pressure, the loss of my cousin, the worried, the knowing i won't see him for a week...
So I got to my other safe place: Under my desk. I know it sounds strange but if I ever have a breakdown, I sit under my work desk and cry there. If ever I start cutting myself again, or anything like that, I go curl up there so it is both my safe place and my 'naughty step' as it were.
My other favorite (summer) place, is sitting on my window sill with my legs out of the window. I can sit and look at the stars and think there. It makes me more calm.

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"I made a resolution: Dance, like nobody's watching. Which I do... with the curtains closed - in case anybody's watching!"

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grizzly_boy
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My home and my school are safe places. This site seems relatively safe, although i registered only a few hours ago.

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Grizzly

Wondering about my handle? I have hairy legs. Last year, my "friends" used "Grizzly" to tease me. now I just use it as nickname.

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