Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Taking the plunge with my BF

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Taking the plunge with my BF
dchai
Activist
Member # 44833

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dchai     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
We've decided to get HIV tests together. I am scared to death and he is much more calmer. I've had one before and it was a huge scare. We've had unprotected sex twice and I'm kicking myself for being so STUPID.

I asked my gyn about it and she placed me at low risk based on his and mine sexual history (he's been completely honest). He's only not used a condom with his long time girlfriend before me. Still, that terrifies me.

Any words of support? I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think. I'm afraid it's going to ruin my relationship with him.

--------------------
:)

Posts: 91 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
He is also getting tested for all other STIs, yes? Not just HIV?

What are you afraid is going to ruin your relationship with him, getting tested? If so, why would you think that? Lots of couples get tested together and/or both get tested regularly: it's just healthcare, just like any other healthcare. Ideally, it's something we all do around once a year, and get used to it.

And it sounds to me like he's gotten right on board with testing and is chill about it, no less.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dchai
Activist
Member # 44833

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dchai     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm afraid we're going to end up with something.

Question, I was tested in August before I met him and he is the only guy I've been sexually involved with since my test. Must I retest?

--------------------
:)

Posts: 91 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, if either of you test positive, you already HAVE an infection: testing doesn't give you one, it just lets both of you know there is an infection. And finding out early via a test is a whole lot less drama -- and better for your health -- then finding out later when something has resulted in big health complications, like pelvic inflammatory disease.

In terms of you retesting, I'd advise it (and not just HIV: you both should get full panels, we all should at least every year), because you have had sex (and without condoms) with him since then, and he hadn't been tested. In other words, your tests in August accounted for risks you had with any other partners, not with him.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dchai
Activist
Member # 44833

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dchai     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
True, thanks Heather. My boyfriend is going in for a blood test tomorrow afternoon at our clinic, he says he further wants our love to grow and wants to know that he (like me) is STI-free. Unfortunately, I will not be with him. So, I will not be retested unless there is something reactive with his tests. I know this is not ideal, but it's how it has to work for now.

I am so nervous for his results, I just want everything to be okay. He's had sex with 9 girls protected and one girl unprotected (they were monogamous for about a year). I'm terrified. [Frown]

--------------------
:)

Posts: 91 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just to be clear: you (and he) are aware that a full panel of STI tests involves more than blood testing, yes?

I also want to make sure both of you know that the way to work testing isn't to do it only when scared or you think you may have an infection. It's something one should be doing regularly (once a year or more often if either person switches or adds partners more often), in the same way we ideally go to the dentist once a year for a cleaning.

I get being nervous about testing, especially when anyone is new to it. Obviously, I also get wanting everything to be okay: everyone wants that. But it also sounds like if this is your boyfriend's first round of testing, he's behind the ball on this one, so what I'd just advise for you in the future since that's very common is to really try and stick with a 6-month-rule for safer sex like health orgs advise to earnestly reduce STI risks.

That means, six months of latex barriers for oral, vaginal and/or anal sex, six months of monogamy, then testing at the end of those six months for both partners. If those tests are negative, and you both stay exclusive, THEN you can ditch the barriers if you want. Okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dchai
Activist
Member # 44833

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dchai     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, he is not looking forward to the q-tip test for him. I recently went in for cultures at my OBGYN and everything came back negative. So, we'll see.

Thanks for the suggestions, I will keep my fingers crossed!

--------------------
:)

Posts: 91 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Actually, for male testing, urethral swabbing isn't always needed anymore, and some men can still get a full panel without that. But even for those who get it, if there isn't an active infection causing urethral swelling, it shouldn't be any more painful for him than a pap smear is for you.

You're welcome. Really, sticking to that 6-month-rule really is pretty darn easy once you get used to it as a habit.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dchai
Activist
Member # 44833

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dchai     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, I'm going to be much more careful in the future. Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, as you can see, this is an extremely stressful time of my life.

I would not be able to deal if his HIV results came back positive. I can handle all the other ones, just I don't want an HIV+ one. I've been through my big scare before and I couldn't eat or sleep. Now I'm stressing about this, I've lost 6 lbs worrying about this for days. [Frown]

--------------------
:)

Posts: 91 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For most of y'all here, HIV really is one of the lest common STIs. In the population of this age group, and with the kind of computer access most of you have, STIs like Chlamydia, Trich or Gonorrhea are WAY more common. Seriously.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dchai
Activist
Member # 44833

Icon 1 posted      Profile for dchai     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That puts me at some ease, thanks! He's always been careful prior to me, except with his last girlfriend. I'm just concerned about who SHE'S slept with, know what I mean? Even when I went in for my HIV test, she said the same thing you did, that my group (non-IV drug users, age group) are low risk.

I just want the results and we can move on [Smile]

--------------------
:)

Posts: 91 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3