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Author Topic: I'm a mess
hunnybunny888
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I've been meaning to post something the last few days but really having difficulty doing much of anything. I'm going to try to talk a bit though, because I really need to talk to someone
The last couple months ive been a really big emotional mess. I'm under a lot of stress, but have been in the past, other times under stress I've lost my health, but never this emotionally connected. Little things happen that throw me off in a reel. I'm never sure if my reactions are appropriate. Sometimes I tink theyre not but i can't stop. A month ago I got a bill for an event i had hosted with a student group. it was $300 more than i had originally calculated for. I knew it was my fault because I had not asked for the total when I ordered, I just trusted my own calculations. But I was so down and upset about this and just felt so stupid. The thing that recently set me off is that my friend and I were supposed to go on a trip for spring break (at the end of this week). Just yesterday he said he was going with someone else. I was not invited to go with them. He probably wouldn't have told me anything if I had not asked about our plans. I got extremely upset (and probably was a little emotional cause I was drunk) but I think it was legitimate to be upset when we had been planning a trip for two months and then he wasnt even going to tell me he was going with the other friend instead. He and the other friend both thought I was "being a baby" and horribly over reacting. It's just a trust thing for me, I would never do that to a friend. I can't do any school work. I've done two readings all year. I finally worked up the courage to talk to my profs about over due papers. They've all given me until Friday. I don't know how I am going to write three papers in 2 days.
I'm seeing a councillor once every two weeks, for some other stuff, for some reason its hard for me to talk about this stuff with her. Maybe because ive only met with her twice so far, maybe I will become more comfortbale. I just really don't know. Theres more I just don't feel up to typing
just wanted a place to vent a bit.
I just feel like crying, I've felt awful all day and really embarrased about last night.

Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
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hi hunnybunny,

i am so sorry to hear you're having it so rough:( Sometimes things just pile up and can really hit home.

Personally, i think you've a legitimate reason to be very hurt, angry and disappointed your friend has ditched your plans to go with another person. i agree with you, i would never do something like that to a friend! It's totally unacceptable.
That doesn't like something i'd be happy to tolerate in a friend, i'd probably let him know how disappointed i was then let him go- he'd not be worth any more of my energy.

Are you a high student or a university student? i'm at uni, and i definitely know how quickly assignments can stack up when life gets in the way. It happens to EVERYONE at some stage or another and tutors are pretty aware of that (they went through it too). I think i had something similar to you last semester: had a few essays due in a week and hadn't been able to get to them. It was *scary* but i just surged ahead. Sometimes priorities need to be tweaked, life can wait while the papers are written.

I'm in counselling too, i really love it and find it very beneficial. It took me awhile to get comfortable talking to my first counsellor back in April and now it's taking some time to feel comfortable with my new one. And i'm talking about some really sensitive, intimate stuff with my new one.
It can totally be uncomfortable talking to *anyone* about our personal issues, especially if they're a stranger. In any case, i suggest you write stuff down. Get it out of your system when it needs to be out. I do it, and it's a relief. I write stuff that only i'll read, stuff that i post on my journal so my friends know what's going on, and stuff that i take with me to counselling so we can work on it. You might find the latter helpful, you wont have to explain what's going on but you can open up dialogue on relieving the problems with your counselor.

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hunnybunny888
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Thanks for responding May Day
I did talk to the friend, several times about it and he says he understands why I'm upset but thinks it's no big deal and I'm over reacting. He also keeps trying to say him and the other friend were joking. I'm not sure about the other friend since I don't know him so well and it seems very possible that HE was joking, but my friend was definitely not joking or else he wouldnt have started trying to justify it and give excuses. When I told him I was upset he said fine you can come but I am not going. I've been dissapointed with this friend lately as I feel he talks about being supportive but never shows it (ie. showed a personal text to another friend, said he would come over and help me write papers/be supportive since I've not been feeling well and then made plans to go out). I'm still not sure if I'm over reacting on this or the other things, but I've deleted his number from my phone so I'm not tempted to talk to him about personal things anymore. I think that I am being kind of selfish, but if I reverse the situation, if I knew my friend was in a really tough spot, I would do anything I possibly could to help, and I would never even think of making other plans if I had offered to help them. Though I may have been a bit unfair to him and my boyfriend and other best friend lately (though she's out of town so it's not really the same).

I'm in University. I finished a couple of the papers but still have one more. They are all horribly late, the profs are not too impressed even though I explained the situation. It's just hard for me to talk to the profs often enough or really get help since that just creates extra stress. I need to finish the last one today, it was due almost two weeks ago and I got a reluctant extension until yesterday. I've just been having trouble getting to class as well so all of the assignments are harder.

I do try to write stuff down sometimes and find it useful, but it can also be draining and I find it hard to write. I also find yoga helpful but same thing, sometimes I just can't get the motivation to do it.

I am going away myself over the break now for a few days just to a small quiet town where I haven't been. I think it will be great to get away. Sometimes I just wonder if school is really the best thing for me right now, but everyone keeps telling me I need to finish because I only have one semester left after this one. Though possibly more since I am running for a job which would last all of next year.

Thanks for listening

Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hunnybunny888
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Also my mother has been upsetting me lately too. My friend came out to visit a couple weeks ago, and she had gone to pick up a couple things from my house before she came out, and my mother told her to "get rid" of my boyfriend while she was out here. She also keeps saying I must not love her anymore because I don't want to come home for the break, and she must be a terrible mother because I don't talk to her...I've just got half a paper left (which was supposed to be in on Friday) the personal issues are just upsetting me and making it even harder to finish...
Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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