I didn't know where to put this so feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place
I'm currently studying for final exams [which are at the beginning of June]. I dropped out of school over a year ago and started studying from home doing a distance learning course [they send you notes, correct homework ect. I was stressed, not at a good place in my life, in a REALLY bad relationship, just felt like everyting was going wrong. Hated school, the people....the teachers....the stress....the cliques....I just got to the stage where I couldn't handle it anymore. Made a stupid decision and dropped out.
Need to do this exam in order to get into college and the distance learning thing seemed like a good idea at the time. But now the hours on end sitting at a desk in my bedroom on my own staring at a book and trying to work it out is REALLY getting to me.
I've taken to many risks and picked lower level subjects [which won't give me alot of points] and I'm doing less subjects then I would be if I had stayed in school which also means less points that I need to get into college. The stress if just really getting to me.
I'm WAY WAY behind schedule, basicaly have no life at the moment. Have stopped dancing, never see my friends, not sleeping because I end up up all night worrying, barely have time to eat during the day. I just feel like I can't take it anymore.
At this stage I don't think the chances of me passing and getting into college are very good so now I'm facing the thought of possibly having to repeat it next year [back in school].
Just feel like my whole life is a mess. So many regrets. I basicaly took 6 months off last year when me and my boyfriend started having problems and was in such a bad place after we broke up that it took me months to get back on track with the studying.
I want to say anyting is possible and focus on trying to pass but at this stage everyting just seems so hopeless. My parents keep telling me to be positive but I want to be realistic about it too. If I walk into the exam thinking everyting going to be fine without a care in the world I know I'll be DEVESTATED when I don't do as well as I expected.
Can't bear the thought of having to go through all this again next year. Only thing that was keeping me going was thinking it's one year of hard work and then I'm done and I'll never have to think about it again.
I'm trying my best and I supose I've come along way already for someone who's had to basicaly learn everyting on there own but oh god I'm just so angry. I know it's my fault that I've left it all so late when I could have worked harder last year but it just annoys me so much that even though he's gone and out of my life I'm still kinda..suffering the consequences I guess? I hate the fact that I put him before my education, that everyting was going fine, I had my goals and I was working towards them and then he came along and everytings just kind of been a mess since.
I want my parents to be proud of me and I want to go away to college next year like all my friends but at this stage I don't know if this is going to happen and I'm basicaly freaking out. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Any words of wisdom? Advice on de-stressing so I can actualy get some work done??
-------------------- Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you Posts: 73 | From: rockin the nation from a secret location haha | Registered: Nov 2009
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Hi Hayley. I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time. I've not been in exactly the same position as you, though I have been in a similar position myself. I had to leave my public high school after a bad relationship and some stupid mistakes on my part and attend an alternative high school instead. I got my high school diploma from that alt school and got into a good college with a decent scholarship, BUT that alt school had teachers that acted as tutors, usually working one-on-one or one-on-two or one-on-three, so I had someone to go to for help when the questions were difficult. I also struggled through part of college because of an abusive relationship, so I do get just how much that can mess up your academics. In fact, I started this thread about that recently, if you want to join in there.
I understand that this is a bit of a different situation and learning on your own is pretty tough. Kudos to you for making it this far! One thing I think might help you is to just focus on the now and the future; looking back on the past and beating yourself up over it doesn't help and only stresses you out. Okay, you could have studied harder or you could have done this or that, but none of that matters right now. What matters is what you do from this point forward, not the past. Do you think you can start looking at it that way? I know it's helped me to put things in that perspective. I've had some late papers over the years, and when I've gone to my professors to talk about it, that was the stance they took and I always found it far more empowering than if they'd talked about what I did wrong in the past. In other words, you give yourself a mostly blank slate and say, Okay, so I did this wrong, but I can fix it now and do better. Because you know what? You really can fix it. Nothing's set in stone. Even if you fail the exams this year (and you still have almost 6 months until then so don't throw the towel in just yet!), you can still try again next year or even take the GED exam (or equivalent for your area).
Would it be possible for you to get a tutor to help you study, someone you can meet with in-person? Sometimes just having someone to talk to about the assignments face-to-face can really help and also take us out of that zone where we do hyperfocus on the work and stress about it. If you can't afford a tutor, do you have any friends who could help you with it? You might also see if you could do some get-togethers with other people doing the same course or even students at the local high schools to study some of the materials. Even if the high school students aren't in the program, they're probably studying the same kinds of things. I think it's also important to take a little time every so often to relax. Give yourself breaks throughout the day to walk around (light exercise can actually help with studying), have a meal, watch TV, etc., just something to get you away from the work so you're not agonizing over it.
I hope that helps, but I want to say again that if it doesn't happen for you this time around, that's okay. You can try again. Setting it up as something that MUST happen OR ELSE is going to stress you out even more and keep you from doing as well as you can. So good luck with this, and remember that you still have time to study.
-------------------- Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007
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