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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Sexual fears/worries/insecurities

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Author Topic: Sexual fears/worries/insecurities
cool87
Activist
Member # 29292

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I just thought we could make a thread where all of us could share our fears and worries when it comes to sex so that we can feel less alone in some of those fears we have and get some tips from others who've been there on how we might overcome those fears.

Whether it's being worried about STIs or pregnancy, worried about pain or bleeding, worried of not being ''good enough'' in bed, worried about sex not being enjoyable for you and/or your partner, worried of intimacy, worried of our partner not being caring, worried of how our partner might perceive your body, worried about body odors, worried about our sexual preferences, etc.

So, do you have any worries/fears when it comes to sex or have you ever had any ? How has this interfere with your sex life, do you feel that this has inhibited your pleasure at times ?

If this applies, how have you overcomed those fears ?

[ 05-20-2009, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
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Member # 29292

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I'll go first.

Personally, I'm scared of not being good enough when it comes to sex and not pleasuring my partner. I feel that the fear of not pleasuring my partner is stronger but I'm also scared of not getting pleasure myself out of sex.

I'm also scared of the pain some sexual activity might lead to.

I feel that at times this is interfering with my sex life because this causes me to tense up and prevents me from fully concentrating on my pleasure during sex as well.

[ 05-20-2009, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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hithere
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I'm deathly afraid of getting pregnant. Ever since I started having manual sex I've been petrified.

It's bad because it causes a lot of stress for me, and I feel like I can't talk to my partner about it because he's older and he'd think I was being silly.

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hithere
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and if anyone reads any/all of my posts they know i have never had a real legitimate reason to be afraid.
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not_a_hobgoblin
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I've had a ton of fear in the past about pushing my parter too hard, too fast. I was generally just a little overwhelmed with the responsibility of being her first everything- first kiss, first partner, first sex- that I was afraid of doing it wrong and messing her up somehow, or of pushing her too hard to my more normal hour-long makeouts and having her think I was a needy slut or something.

It turned out to be an unreasonable fear- apparently, the entire time she was holding back for fear of the very same image, and we had a good laugh about that when we figured it out. But it goes to show how prevalent the fear of pushing too fast really is.

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blondie.girl.16
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Member # 42410

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What scares me about any kind of sex isn't so much the risks. But instead, what affects the risks would have on my boyfriend should an accident happen (example; a condom breaks.) Being that we're both STD and infection free, the main risk would be me getting pregnant. We've talked about before we ever did anything, so we know what we would do should that happen. Like I said, I'm not afraid it- but it would affect his plans so much (going to college this fall, getting sent to a department fresh out of training, ect). Point being, I'd just rather not risk anything to ruin those plans because I know he's capable of acheiving them. I'm be terrified of ruining his life. Does that make sense? XD

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orca
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(blondie.girl.16, while I totally hear you on that, what about your own plans? I hear you expressing a lot of concern over how a pregnancy would impact your partner's life, but what about yours? So often pregnancy does impact the woman's life more than the other partner in so many ways. That's not always the case, but it quite often is. I'm not saying you shouldn't consider your partner when thinking about pregnancy, but I'd love to hear you focusing on your own goals as much as you focus on your partner's, if that makes sense.)

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blondie.girl.16
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Understandable lol
I've never really had any goal in my life. I kinda just do what I feel is best for me at any given time. The only thing I'd be concerned about is graduating high school next year.
Obviously it would be a big change for me having to not only be responsible for myself but for another person who is incapable of anything really. But while I passed a STARS childcare class this previous semester, and growing up with 3 younger siblings, who are now 9, 5, and 3- I atleast know some of how to care for a child lol
But still, the thought doesn't scare me. Yea, I'd be overwhelmed. I'd probably be a bit frazzled. But could I do it? I'm positive.

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"Throwin' pennies in the wishing well, and I think to myself, if only you were here right now. I try to make believe, pretend you're here with me." -Shane Piasecki

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saguy
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Member # 32916

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I have a few issues (aside from the obvious not being able to communicate with women I find attractive due to social anxiety I have not yet been able to conquer)...

1. I spent a few years in high school battling a recurring pilonidal cyst. Not only did this severely effect the social anxiety I already had by keeping me at home for months at a time, the last surgery I had was technically a plastic surgery procedure, and in short, it left me without an a$$crack. I am NOT comfortable naked, at all.

2. I have zero desire for casual sex. I'm not a "no sex until marriage" type of person (mainly because I'm never getting married), but I don't understand the desire to have sex with somebody only to forget about the person the next morning. For me, sex is meant to be with somebody you love.

3. I also have a problem with how open some people are about it. After the very few times I've found myself in a bar, I've been asked by somebody the next day, "did you get laid last night?", as if whether I did or not is that person's business. To me, sex is a private matter and unless you're seeking help (for example, this forum), I think bedroom activities should stay in the bedroom.

[ 06-20-2009, 09:11 PM: Message edited by: saguy ]

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h0peless
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I'm not so worried about getting pregnant, or any thing. I'm just new to the whole sexual experience, i haven't experience pretty much anything besides kissing & making out. & my fears are being worried of not being ''good enough'' in bed, worried of how my partner might perceive my body, & knowing of what to do, & what not to do, & how to react to everything.
[Smile]

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Pintsize
Peer Educator-in-Training
Member # 43257

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I don't know if this is what you were asking for, but I (a pubescent teenager with no sexual experience) am finding myself frustrated about places to go for support in growing up sexually, masturbation, and just figuring out my own sexuality in general. With other problems, I have the Internet at my disposal. I mean, if I'm having family issues, I can Google something like "parents never let me do anything" and get a bunch of advice out of the blue. But I'm too terrified of getting a bunch of creepy shit I don't want to see if I try to search anything remotely related to sex. The fact that there are so few safe places is really frustrating.
Posts: 20 | From: New Orleans, LA | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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