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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Why could I not get it up? Will this be a problem later?

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Author Topic: Why could I not get it up? Will this be a problem later?
muska_10
Neophyte
Member # 45904

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Hi, question.

About half a year ago, I was a virgin. Then, I met this girl, and after a month of knowing one another, we had sex...or at least we attempted to. Yeah, I know this was too soon and stupid. FYI, I'm not with her anymore (thank god).

Basically, I had a decent boner, then we get naked, and I lose the boner. I'm able to get it back up a couple times, but each time, it soon goes down again. Same thing when I try to put the condom on: I lose the boner.

So, sex fails. She's pissed. We're both disappointed. Yadda yadda yadda.

Now, here are a few facts:
  • I hadn't known her long (1 month) and didn't have intimate feelings for her.
  • She was very controlling and bitchy. She said "I don't like to be touched down there--I don't like fingers!" and "Don't touch the condom after you put it on!" So this helped ruin things for me. I wanted to try to give her an orgasm with my hand.
  • I was pretty nervous, as this was my first time.
  • I'll be honest and say I've looked at a good amount of porn in the past, and so the arousal of seeing a naked woman is not as great as if I were some innocent teenager seeing one for the first time.
  • I had masturbated within a week prior to this little engagement.
  • She had tan skin, and I like whities more.

So, my question is, is it likely that if I meet another girl, wait for a long while until we're very comfortable with and close to one another, she's not controlling, and I've stopped looking at porn, that this boner problem is going to present itself then, too? Was this just a bad set of circumstances and choices? Will things be okay?

[ 02-21-2010, 03:56 PM: Message edited by: muska_10 ]

Posts: 2 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, I hear you describing a situation in which it actually would have been surprising if you WERE aroused or stayed aroused. You didn't seem to like this person much, they don't seem to have been very likeable, you were nervous you felt detached from real-live bodies at the time, and you weren't as attracted to her as you might have been to someone else.

In other words, you've basically just written a piece that includes a lot of great information on how NOT to have a good sexual experience or how NOT to sexually respond. [Smile]

By all means, I'd expect that in a situation where you felt comfortable, where the person was kind and not snappy, where you felt ready to be around real bodies, where you were more attracted to someone emotionally and physically, you'd probably see different results.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
muska_10
Neophyte
Member # 45904

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Okay, good to have a second opinion. I think so too.
Posts: 2 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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