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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Bad Influence

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Author Topic: Bad Influence
CR2393
Neophyte
Member # 108156

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Background information: I am an 18 year old guy.
I grew up in separate households, because my dad worked so much I spent most of my weekends with my uncle; who is now a convicted pedophile. almost every female family member I have was raped as a child by this man. Personally, I was mentored by him through my childhood; He made me watch porn with him before I was 8 years old, he led me to a past drug and alcohol dependence, and worked to instill most of his mindsets on me. I was shown incest related and pedophile related porn regularly and became almost like an addict towards that by the age of 13. I have never explained any of this to anyone because I firmly believe that justice is needed for the girls who were attacked. Sometimes I can feel urges to behave as I was taught, and I fight them off. I have sought out religion and began to rid my life of any habit I found harmful (diet, lack of exorcise, anger problems) but I cant break these thoughts, I hate him with all that is inside of me but I can see his influence even in the mirror sometimes. My uncle was taught by a pedophile and he became a monster. I want to break the chain so I can help my family rebuild. I have felt so ashamed of myself for so long it took all I had a couple years ago to stop contemplating suicide. I just need to talk to someone.

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi CR2393 and welcome to Scarleteen,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you experienced.

What your uncle did to you was sexual abuse, just as much as what he did to the girls and women in your family.

I'd first like to check in with you, particularly since you've described having felt self-destructive, about whether you've received any counseling or therapy. It's pretty clear that you have a lot to work through, and a trained therapist, particularly one specializing in childhood sexual abuse, could, I think, be a big help to you.

I also want to say that, from what you've described here, you have nothing to be ashamed of around this. What happened to you was your uncle's doing. The things you saw and were told were things orchestrated by him, not things you chose to see or learn. It's pretty clear to me from what you've written here that you don't have the same philosophy your uncle does. in other words, you aren't like him.

it may take you some time and work to really feel this within yourself.

What do you feel like would be most helpful to you right now?

[ 10-05-2013, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CR2393
Neophyte
Member # 108156

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I went through a therapy program at school after being caught attempting suicide. I never said anything about my uncle, just that I had substance abuse problems. I was prescribed antidepressants but never took them.
I have only committed self harm once after the program (its been over 3 years now).
Before his arrest, I would watch obscene porn even when I wasn't with him. His arrest opened my eyes to what my life really was, and it scares me even today. I can remember sitting in the courtroom as he glared at me as the plea was read and it keeps me up at night. I have tried to keep my self away from any type of pornography or looking at other women excessively (I am in a committed relationship for 2 years now); but my efforts always fail. I feel tired and worn out trying to become a better person, and sometimes I wonder if that will ever change. I don't really know what would be most helpful, I can't afford therapy, and I don't think I can confess my issues with family. I spent months looking through this site before getting the courage to post anything. I just don't know what to do.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It sounds to me like what you really need is a qualified counselor to help child sexual abuse victims, and that kind of counselor can often be found at low or no cost (and may even be available to you via the justice system since your buser has been arrested).

Is that something you'd be open to? If so, would you like help finding someone like that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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CR2393
Neophyte
Member # 108156

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I'm not sure. The victims in my family were offered free counseling but didn't want to do it. I'm not even sure what I would have to say because I wasn't physically abused like they were and I'm already 18.
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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If you wanted to see if there were any services through the justice system, you would just need to contact anyone in the justice system who was involved with the case and ask if there are services for victims. Did you ever give statements about what your abuser did to you? Even if you didn't, you could fill whoever you talked to in on what happened to you and ask what options are available to you for counseling and support. Physical abuse isn't the only kind of abuse recognized by the justice system, not by a longshot.

Different jurisdictions have different services available, so I really couldn't tell you whether they'd be able to provide services for you or not. I would say though that it's worth finding out if you feel up to that.

Alternatively, as Heather mentioned, there are services for childhood sexual abuse survivors that are not connected to the justice system. If you would like, we can help you find those services in your area.

All we'd need to help you with that is your zipcode if you're in the United States or equivalent information if you live in another country. If you're not comfortable posting that here, you could email it to robin@scarleteen.com.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CR2393
Neophyte
Member # 108156

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I didn't give a statement about anything that happened with me personally. I guess counseling is at least worth looking into. my zip-code is 32792
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi CR2393,

This Victim Services Center looks like a good place for you to start.

They provide a variety of services, all free of charge. If, for whatever reason, they don't have what you need, they'll be able to point you towards other local services.

Here's the link. If this doesn't work for you, please let us know and we'll take another look and see what we can find for you.


http://www.victimservicecenter.com/

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Robin

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CR2393
Neophyte
Member # 108156

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Thank you so much!
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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You're very welcome.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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