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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » coming out?

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Author Topic: coming out?
Member # 31771

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I dont know if you handle this but I tried to come out to my mom that I was bisexual and she had a panic attack then called me stupid. what is it that I did so wrong?
Posts: 3 | From: tennessee | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

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Hi hiding_angels,

I'm sorry to hear that your mom reacted so poorly– you didn't do anything wrong. Ideally, we'd like our parents to support us 100% when coming out (you know, a hug, telling us they'll love us no matter what, and a cake would be pretty nice, too [Wink] ) BUT that's generally not what we get. It's good that she didn't react more harshly (kicking you out or cutting you off from friends); however, her reaction still sounds very hurtful.

I think a lot of parents, even those who are ok with homosexuality, freak out if their kids tells them they're not straight. The concept of bisexuality adds other factors: it seems that a lot of people of our parents' generation(s) treat it as something unreal. You know, as if we're just undecided or haven't met the right person of the opposite gender, etc. Which is bunk, but it's unfortunately a belief still held by many (misinformed) people.

You know what you are; she doesn't. As for freaking out, it's not a kind repsonse but maybe with some time and information she'll react more warmly. As for calling you stupid, it sounds like she's trying to make excuses. How old are you?

When I came out to my mom as bisexual (a number of times, because she kept finding excuses and pushing me back in the closet ("Oh, sometimes we just get crushes on our female friends because we want to be like them," etc.) She'd also say stuff like, "I'd totally accept and love you if you're gay, but I don't think you are." Um, huh? It's better now 9 years since the first time I brought it up; she's still not too down with the concept of bisexuality, but she's ok with me being open to both men and women.

Would you like to see other users' posts on this topic? Have you read the "gaydar" articles on the mainsite? Would you like resources to share with your mom? I see you've posted about other topics; I have to go out for awhile, but I'll respond to them when I get back, if another moderator doesn't do so before then. [Smile]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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