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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » being in a relationship (bf/gf, friend, family member) with someone who is depressed

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Author Topic: being in a relationship (bf/gf, friend, family member) with someone who is depressed
hunnybunny888
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I was just in an 11 month relationship with a depressed bf and it was one of the most stressful things i've had to deal with in my life. Alot of people are not aware of "depression fallout" there is a book on it and a discussion board on the website for that book that helped me out a lot but I thought it would be nice to have something on here, seeing as how that is mostly for older or married couples and this is mostly for teens. Being in any kind of relationship with someone who is depressed is hard, they are moody, needy, but sometimes so cold and need to be alone. THey can push you away or pull you in and want to baby them. they are manipulative unsure of what they want and much more. If anyone has had an experience of needs some advice please post
Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Shimmer
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quote:
Originally posted by hunnybunny888:
Being in any kind of relationship with someone who is depressed is hard, they are moody, needy, but sometimes so cold and need to be alone. THey can push you away or pull you in and want to baby them. they are manipulative unsure of what they want and much more.

that totally sounds like what my situation is right now with my current bf.. i just don't know what to do about it.
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Heather
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I've had a lot of people in my life who have grappled with depression, and two books I found very helpful were, "The Noonday Demon," which my (depressed) ex-girlfriend calls The Depression Bible (http://www.noondaydemon.com/), by Andrew Solomon, and "How You Can Survive When They're Depressed," by Anne Sheffield.

One hard line I'd suggest drawing is that you simply not stay involved in an intimate relationship with a depressed person who is NOT getting help, or not willing to. A paretner isn't a therapist, and getting help for depression is key.

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hunnybunny888
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the book by anne sheffield is the one i was referring to..thanks!
shimmer, I feel your pain I know its hard, you should try to get him educated on depression adn try to convince him he should seek help. make sure though that he is seeking help because he wants it and not because you are nagging him. you should also try to talk to his parents if he ahs made any comments about suicide

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Shimmer
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i've never really talked to him about it... i mean just kind of in passing, never sat down and let him really tell me what was going on inside him.. i've told him he can always come and talk to me.. that i'm here to listen, but he's really introverted when it comes to that sort of thing. so i don't even know how bad he might have it...
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hunnybunny888
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my bf also did not want to talk about it at all but I coaxed him into it, he may feel more comfortable talking to one of his friends you could suggest that too. If you start bringning it up he nay start to talk about it more. Its a very tricky situation because you don't want to be pushy and throw him off, but at the same time you must set boundaries, and let him know you will not stand being treated that way
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leanmeanrunningmachine
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My mom suffers from depression and she does see a tharapist, but when she is with my all it seems like she does is cry and tell me about things that are bothering her. I just listen, but is there anything else I should or shouldn't be doing?

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Love is more than just a game for two

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elliebean
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i have been the person with the depression in the relationship. i think it's important to remember that just like "normal" people, depressed people are all different and react to things in different ways.

however, leanmeanrunningmachine, just listening might be more helpful and meaningful to your mom than it seems.

there were a LOT of times when i was really not doing well when all i wanted from anyone who was willing to help was for them to listen or just give me a hug. to them it felt like there was nothing they could do to make me feel better, but simple, little stuff like that let me know they were there for me.

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hunnybunny888
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leanmeanrunningmachine, as elliebean said what you are doing is great. You have to remember that your mom is feeling this way because of a chemical imbalance in her brain and there is really nothing that you can do to make her feel any better in the long run. It is great that she is seeking professional help and hopefully soon her depression will be under control. As elliebean said it is great for her to just know you are there for her, but it is not your responsibility to make her feel better and you shouldn't burden yourself like that

elliebean, I'm really glad you've posted its always great to be able to get teh other perspective. I hope everyone is doing well! Post any updates, or if you just need to vent

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amelie poulain
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Hey, this is my first post on scarleteen, but anyways, I know exactly what you're going through. My boyfriend hasn't ever been diagnosed, but he gets so unhappy and withdrawn sometimes. I don't know for sure, but I used to struggle with depression myself, and I feel like I get dragged back into that mindset with him. I don't want to break up with him, but...
Posts: 7 | From: canada | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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