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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Internal Pain

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Author Topic: Internal Pain
Allysa
Activist
Member # 29972

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Internal Pain.

I want to hurt,
I want to bleed,
The pain to go,
Is all I need.

The pain I feel,
Inside my heart,
Never ends,
But always starts.

I'm tired of the mask,
I wear everyday,
I feel that my life,
Is nothing more than a play.

A play in which,
I'm always sad,
Where nothing goes right,
It only goes bad.

I want to sleep,
And never wake up,
I'm tired of playing,
I want to give up.

The pain in my chest,
Gets harder and harder,
When it will stop,
I always wonder.

I'm tired of feeling,
Alone and afraid,
But that's why I'm here,
And why I was made.

Made to hurt,
And made to feel,
That nothing is good,
That nothing is real.

I'll always be made,
To feel like a fool,
Be treated like trash,
Be told I'm no good.

The hurt I feel,
Is all I'm good for,
I'll never be happy,
Of this I am sure.

I'm tired of being played,
Like an old broken toy,
I want to start living,
I want to feel joy.

I want to feel joy,
Beyond my means,
To finally be happy,
To live out my dreams.

But as if that will happen,
It's a world away,
Out of my reach,
Is where it will stay.

I'll never be happy,
I'll never be me,
I'll never be loved,
I'll never be free.

My heart has been broken,
My heart is now black,
My heart Is locked away,
My heart is now trapped.

Trapped in a cycle,
Of sadness and tears,
An endless heartache,
And alot more fears.

A fear of letting,
My heart love again,
I can't go through,
The pain all over again.

I have nothing left,
There is only me,
It's time to go,
It's time to be free.

A kiss on the cheek,
A cuddle goodbye,
It's my time to go,
It's my time to fly.


Lost.

Lost in a memory,
Trapped in a dream,
I want to get out,
I just want to scream.

Painful memories,
Of times passed,
The time to stop hurting,
Is here at last.

I'm tired of hurting,
All over again,
I want it to stop,
I want it to end.

The constant reminder,
Of being betrayed,
Is bubbling over,
And driving me insane.

The endless thoughts,
Of wanting to die,
Is crushing me deeply,
And making me cry.

The moments of happiness,
The moments of glee,
Never last for long,
But with them I'm free.

I want to be happy,
I want to feel good,
But why I don't,
When I feel I should.

I want the tears to stop,
I want the me to come out,
But all that I do,
Is constantly shout.

The feelings of lonliness,
The feelings of shame,
Is causing me nothing,
But an eternity of pain.

I want the strength,
To hold my head high,
Forget all of the hurt,
And reach for the sky.

To reach for the sky,
And conquer my dreams,
Is one thing I want,
And one things I need.

Forget my past,
Forever more,
And let my true self,
Begin to soar.

A lifetime of suffering,
A lifetime of tears,
A lifetime of fighting,
A lifetime of fears.

The day that I'm cured,
The day I become me,
Is a day for celebrations,
For that's the day I am free.

--------------------
Ally

Posts: 289 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
guitargirl2
Neophyte
Member # 30227

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I am writing you, to thank you. Thank you for writing this. This is how I feel all to often. I also want to tell you that as long as you still have hope for things to get better, that it will. It may not be instant, but gradual, it may even slip back down, but just keep holding on to that thread, that's hang'n off the cliff. I am willing to try and help hold you up on your thread if you let me.
Posts: 1 | From: Illinois | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Allysa
Activist
Member # 29972

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Thank you so much, that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard, that would mean the world to me if you did that, I'm glad that it's not just me that feels like that, I am sorry that you go through these feelings also but as long as you're there to hold me up, I will do my best to return the favour, Thank you for your kind words.

It means alot, Thank you guitar girl.

Mwah

--------------------
Ally

Posts: 289 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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