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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Resources on dealing with guilt [trigger warning]

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Author Topic: Resources on dealing with guilt [trigger warning]
May Day
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I have a lot of feelings of shame and guilt related to being sexually abused. I *know* it wasn't my "fault", but i'm still carrying a weight around that says "you are responsible, you let it continue, you did the wrong thing".

I feel ashamed for not listening to my mum whenever she brought up the subject of me not being treated right.
I feel so much humilation for being triggered with my next boyfriend and not knowing what was going on and not getting better. i also feel so much regret that because he couldn't help and i was overwhelmed that our relationship ended.

I have made so much progress in counselling. I don't feel frightened and i don't feel helpless. I have methods to manage triggers in various contexts including sexual situations. i know i'll be triggered a lot next time i'm in a sexual relationship, but i accept that and know that i can work through it and things will lessen over time.

Despite all of this, i get horrible streaks of being very hard on myself, very critical and not very merciful. i would NEVER talk another person dealing with PTSD like i talk to myself, yet i still make this double standard.

Can you provide/point me towards some resources dealing with internalised guilt from sexual abuse/assault? I imagine it's something *many* women and men suffer through.

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you brought this up with your counselor?

One book I'd strongly recommend when it comes to sexual relationships/sex after abuse is "The Survivor's Guide to Sex," by Staci Haines. Might you be able to get your hands on a copy?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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May Day
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Member # 39174

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not as a legitimate concern. She's quite aware that i'm self-critical. We've mostly dealt with trigger recognition and response because before i started counselling i was getting very frightened of sex and didn't know why at all.

I checked the online catelogues of the libraries i can easily access. None have this book. if it's not too expensive, maybe i can purchase it.. *poor student*

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It's a softcover, very affordable.

In the meantime, Staci does have a site if you want to take a look: http://www.somaticsandtrauma.org/

Pandy's also has a good page on guilt for survivors here: http://www.pandys.org/escapinghades/guiltshame.html

I would bring this up with your counselor as a legitimate concern, since it most certainly is one.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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