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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » abused friend

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Author Topic: abused friend
Member # 22524

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My best friend and ex has been hit by his parents his entire life. He actually thinks that this is perfectly ok. He's told me that hes sick of it and I was so happy to hear that for the first time in his life he actually stopped his dad from doing it: His dad was on the phone, he went to ask for lunch money so his dad got mad that he was interrupting and tried to slap him and he just put his hand in front of his face and stopped his.

Even if he hates it and has feared his father his entire life (after telling me what had happened that day he told me about one time when he was 6 years old and his father was hitting him and for once he ran away. his dad started chasing him around the house with his belt and he hid under a table in the living room and he didnt find him. He slept there because he was afraid to see hsi dad again) he still thinks that its the right way to raise someone. Its like they took him out of the 18th century or something. I know that its the way he was raised but its so screwd up for someone to think its ok grow up that way.

The only reason why he did that the other day (stopping his dad) was because it was a very small thing and he thinks that hes already too big for that (how screwed up is it that he thinks its something that happens to you as a child?). I know for a fact that if somethin big happened he wouldnt stop it. Hes a lot stronger than his dad who is already old and kinda fat while he is athletic and young but he's still afraid of him and its been programmed in his head (because of how he was raised) that he SHOULDNT EVEN TRY TO STOP IT thats its his right as his dad to hit him whenever he feels he "deserves" it.

I dont mean to change his dad, I know that's beyond my power or anyones but I do wanna help my friend to start thinking that it is actually wrong. It may sound crazy but I'm worried about his future kids: if he ever becomes a dad, What's their life gonna be like???

Posts: 46 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16249

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Keep trying to get your friend to realize that he has done nothing to deserve being hit. No one does. If anything being grounded or privledges taken from him should have been the way his father should have acted. Depending on how old your friend is, either way if it continues and your friend does nothing to stop it, he should or you should take action and seek help from an adult or counselor. The abuse needs to stop. It is good that he is retaliating and fighting back. As for if he will treat his kids the way he will treat them, you wont really know till that time comes. Hopefully he knows that what is happening to him is the wrong way to be punished and does not use it on his own children. I am not sure if this advice helps or not, hopefully it does.
Posts: 35 | From: Decatur,IL,USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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