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Author Topic: Am I sick?
dark_hateful_bitch
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I'll try to explain this to the best of my ability. Lately, actually, for six months now, I have taken a downward twirl in my personality. My older cousin told me that I was bi-polar, others say that I am depressed, and a few say that I have personality issues. So, here's how I feel.

Sometimes I am really happy, like truly happy, and those are the times that I like to dance, and sing. But my happiness is only temporary, because almost immediately, I can turn severely depressed, and become even slightly suicidal. I never really act on these thoughts, because I think about all of my friends, and I acknowledge that I can't leave them.

But I'm afraid that one day I will take a chance, and I will cross over that line, and act on these thoughts. I'm also a very reckless person, and I don't think about the consequences of something before I do it. I just go for it.

*Any advice would be appreciated*

Thanks,

dark_hateful_bitch

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Death begins when you are born.


Posts: 13 | From: Behind You, Bitches, US | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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I'm going to assume you're a teenager, b/c, well ... This is a website for teens.

It's normal for teens to have mood swings. Going up and down and up and down is what makes teens so much fun

BUT, suicidal ideation is NOT normal. How often does this happen? Does anyone know you've been feeling this way? Do you think you could talk to someone about this?

You can't trust friends and relatives to diagnose you. Unless they're doctors that is. Assuming they're not, you really need to see your doctor about this. You could be depressed ... As a possibility ... And it might be a good idea to get this treated now before it gets out of hand.

If you're ever feeling suicidal, find someone to talk to. Find someone to sit w/ you until the feeling passes. If no one's around and you feel you're a real danger to yourself, call 911. Yes, it's THAT serious, and they take these things seriously as well.

I was hospitalized w/ suicidal ideation and depression when i was 16 ... I was depressed for months and months and was cutting and everything ... It sucked, but i made it through it and now i'm okay. You will be too. You might just need a little help.

***Hugs***


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dark_hateful_bitch
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Basically the most often time that I have these thoughts is when I find out something that is disappointing. I usually just sit in my room until it passes, because it would scare the hell out of my mom and dad.

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A lot of people with terminal diseases say that they are dieing. But they don't know something: So am I. That's right, bitches. Everybody is dieing, they begin when they are born. So, as we age, we die.

Guess what? You'll make it to hell sooner than I will, but I'm still dieing, bitch.


Posts: 13 | From: Behind You, Bitches, US | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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It IS scary. And it's supposed to be.

Again, if this is happening to you often (it's okay and completely normal to get a little 'down' sometimes ... contemplating suicide is never normal though), you need to get some help. Unless you can get this help yourself (school guidance counselor? family physician?), you need to tell your parents.


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dark_hateful_bitch
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I have a feeling that my guidance counselor would only call my mom, and a doctor would do the same thing, and probably throw me a bottle of pills.

Isn't it possible that I could just talk to one of my friends when I get into a mood, and eventually it will go away? I don't think that this depression-ish ways will stick around forever.


Posts: 13 | From: Behind You, Bitches, US | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wobblyheadedjane
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Unfortunately, friends aren't equipped to deal with suicidal people. They can be a great avenue for venting from time to time, but someone who has the training to deal with it can be a much more valuable resource. Heck, even with all our resources at Scarleteen, when someone is immediately suicidal, we have to advise them to a helpline because we're not equipped to help them the way they need it.

A counselor won't just toss you a bottle of pills - even for people on anti-depressants, many of them continue with therapy as well. Chances are, when you find a counselor you trust and click with, you'll begin seeing noticeable differences in how you think and feel. When I was seeing my therapist, even when I wasn't feeling very happy, I knew I was able to cope and deal with how I was feeling and it was good to know that within a week, I would be able to talk about what was troubling me. I would highly recommend you try and speak to a guidance counselor. It could make all the difference, even if you're nervous now.


Posts: 1679 | From: London, ON | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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It is actually often times more helpful to find a counseling service that functions outside of your school, as school counselors are not always the best to go to in a situation like this. Ask at your local hospital, they can often times refer you to what you might be looking for.

Doctors and counselors cannot legally tell your parents anything you tell to them unless you are posing a threat to yourself or others. This means, in most cases, if you tell them you sometimes have suicidal thoughts and are depressed, they will not tell your parents, only if you were actually attempting suicide would they have the need to intervene. And that said, a lot of times it's better that your parents know there is something wrong so you can all work to get you feeling better.

Depression most of the time is not something that will just go away, and what would happen if you felt like this and had no friends to get ahold of to help you out? It is better to begin dealing with it beforehand than to be stuck in a very bad position later on. Also, counseling services can help you get information on emergency help lines which are open 24 hours and are completely anonymous- that way if an emergency were to ever arise you'd have someone to turn to anonymously for help.

I have been on medication for a depression-related condition and have been through counseling and it does help- only through a good counselor can you really determine what is going on in your head to cause you to feel as depressed as you are and only then can you get the correct treatment. Treatment also doesn't just mean medication, for some people medication isn't the answer, and others it will help, but also with counseling help you can find safer herbal remedies to try and work on de-stressing exercises that help you control your thoughts and depressed times. It sounds a bit silly but it really works wonders.

So really, seeking out counseling is a good idea. You may even be able to tell your parents a step at a time and they can help you as you get more comfortable with sharing with them. Try telling them you've been feeling really stressed and kind of down and want to find someone you can talk to about some ofthe problems you've been facing and think a counselor may be a good solution, that may be a good first step to getting help and letting in your parents more, because trust me, the more they know early on- the less they'll freak out and overthink and misunderstand a situation if something more serious were to pop up suddenly later.


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Little_Girl_Lost_312
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I can totally relate to what you are going through, as my psychologist has diagnosed me as clinically depressed (my psychologist, not my family member)and I just feel down all the time. Like LilBlueSmurf said, it is normal for teens to have mood swings, especially after recieving severly disappointing news and suicide contemplation is never normal.
However, you cannot rule out the fact that you may have some form of depression. Depression is not something that you grow out of, like an old pair of jeans. But because depression itself is a disease(Correct me if I'm wrong) it steadily grows worse, if untreated.
Like dailicious said, your counselor or therapist, being under oath, cannot repeat anything you say during the sessions (without your consent) to anyone, not even your parents, unless they deem it as a direct threat to you (or someone else). I would post more, but I have tests to study for (sry if I just reiterated what everyone else said)

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"Deserve Death! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the wise cannot see all ends"-Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring
Anti-capital punishment

"Just pretending? You brought pretending into this family, James. You taught us that we can change things just by believing them to be different"- Sylvia Llewelyn Davies, Finding Neverland

"Do you believe in fairies? Say quick that you believe. If you believe, clap your hands!"-Peter Pan


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sexysexgoddess
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Yes I'm the same exact way I got help for it I was diagnosed with Manic Depressive Disorder *Bipolar* and I had to get medication for it cause it was really bad ive been on it since i was 14 and im 15 now and its helped a bit sometimes Ill get suicidal but its kinda taken some of the edge off of it. I see 3 psychiatrist's every month and talk about everything and what made me mad this month and so on and so forth...talk to someone I had to because my school turned me into the TRF third floor because they saw the scars on my wrists...

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~*Music Is The Hidden Meaning Of Life*~


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Olive
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Bipolar is tricky. I'm pretty sure I have it but it has not been diagnosed. Most of the time I live life normal, I go to work, go to school and pay bills. But if I had the choice I would do anything, I barely graduated because I slacked off because I didn't care. But I forced myself to finish.

Within the last 2 months or so I've had 3 terrible moodswings. The stupidest things can trigger the swings. Tonight I had one. Okay feeling like crap is one thing but I tend to get abusive. I cry, I scream, I hit. I am scared of whats going to happen next.I have told my mom three times to get me into her psychiatrist. Well tonight I have had enough.

If I dont get help my boyfriend of 3 years is going to leave me. He didnt say he's going to leave me but I dont want him taking the abuse anymore. We love each other so much and I hate to hurt him, but when I'm in the middle of mania or an anxiety attack or whatever it is I dont care what I do. I cant control what I do. My mom does have depression and has anxiety pills that she gave to me but I have not taken them. I dont want to take things unless I really need them. Okay tonight I probably needed it but it wasn't prescribed so I'm not going to take it.

I used to be sort of suicidal, but I grew out of that. I want to live, I want to get married and get a house and have kids. I do feel there's no purpose on this world for me and that all people are just an object to take up space because the world one day will come to an end. I certainly feel crazy that I think that way. So I'm wondering the same thing or actually know that I am sick. And I want help, and support and I will be right here for anybody that needs support with the same thing I'm going through.

Ok and when the statement was made about it being teens moods, that doesn't apply to me. My moods have been swinging since before I had a memory. But it is now that I realize they aren't going to stop until I do something about it.


Posts: 338 | From: Livermore, CA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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Olive, I think in recognizing this you are taking a first step. And that was very intelligent of you to NOT take pills that weren't prescribed to you, ebcause without them being prescribed by a professional, who knows how you would have reacted to them; for all we know they could have made things much worse.

I hope you can get into the doctor and start looking into how to get this under control. You deserve to be able to live the life you want, and there are many options for people with mood disorders and even people who have gone through absolutely terrible times, after getting the proper counseling or treatment live good, happy, productive lives.

I have social anxiety, not quite the same I know, but I got to a point where I wouldn't eat sometimes because I'd be terrified to go into a restaurant or to the store to get food. I went through counseling and was on Zoloft for awhile and regained control of my life, and even though I still get small anxiety attacks sometimes I can live my life and be happy. So basically, the first step is making up your mind to find out how you can get a handle on your life and take action from there.

Good luck.


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ceresbaistat
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I just want tomention a few things my doctor told me when he told me that I have depression. First of all, it's caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. All this means is that your brain is chucking too many feel-bad chemicals at you and not enough feel-good, if that makes any sense. If your doctor ends up perscribing pills to you, know that they may not get the brand and dose perfect the first time. After all, there's so many brands and they come in so many doses that it really can't be helped. Anyway, the medication your doctor gives you, no matter what kind, basically corrects the imbalance. I'm sorry I'm not of more help, but that's all I can think of for now. I hope some of this is of some use to you.
Posts: 52 | From: Seabrook, TX | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TWHSchick
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the dark and hateful person,

First and formost, try lightening up the mood. you're probably not a dark and hateful bitch. Yes everyone is will die, but dying is when you're in a stage if fatal health or your heart rate drops completely. Aging is a gift of life where we grow and time passes. I can understand the part you feel of just giving up the aging part and getting the death thing over with. Just as everything is going swell, BOOM! Another bomb went off in your life. It makes you wonder why you just can't be happy at least for a little while! Then the suicidal thoughts start arousing, but you can't leave everyone that cares for you. So you're stuck with this life and it's crappy situations being thrown at you.

Thats the funny thing about life, you can't control most of it. But you can make it easier for yourself. When bad thoughts come to your head, push them out! That's one thing you do have control over, the way you think. Instead of locking yourself in your room until that nasty feeling goes away, put on shoes and go run, use your pillow as a punching bag(not the wall), fill up a balloon with toothpaste and squeeze it as hard as you can. . . get that anger out! Keeping it inside will only cause you to become depressed and isolated.

When those curve balls are thrown in, find a way to patch up the scars. Make a schedule for next month. . . make a 'goals for the future' list. You can put things like:
*Go to Texas and buy a real cowboy hat!
*Go camping with friends
. . .etc.

Don't let bad thoughts consume you. Stay strong and just be yourself. You'll make it!


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elliebean
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TWHS- the thing about clinical depression is that when you have it, you no longer always ARE in control of your thoughts. it becomes impossible for you to see things in a positive way or to "lighten up".

dark and hateful- i am recovering from major depressive disorder (clinical depression) that i suffered from for a little over a year. i feel better now than i have in years, and i couldn't have imagined ever feeling better as recently as two months ago. what worked for me was a combination of medicines (i tried pretty much everything they make before i found what i take now, cymbalta) and therapy. i encourage you to get help...friends are GREAT as supplementary help, but they can't do everything you may need, and i know that after a while, i started feeling like a burden to my friends.

i really hope you start feeling better soon.
lots of people care about you, if it helps to remember that.


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TWHSchick
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Elliebean,

look you don't know ANYTHING about my life. I am trying to help this girl, and you still have to argue with me. And it really is getting annoying that everyone has to argue with me. Back off and mind your own freaking business... Thanks.


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wobblyheadedjane
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quote:
Originally posted by TWHSchick:
Elliebean,

look you don't know ANYTHING about my life. I am trying to help this girl, and you still have to argue with me. And it really is getting annoying that everyone has to argue with me. Back off and mind your own freaking business... Thanks.


If it worked for you, TWHS, that's great. However, ellie is right and not all people with depression can simply 'choose' to be cheery. There's a lot more to it than that. Her response however, doesn't warrant a snippy reaction, and you've been warned once already in this forum. Please review the guidelines before continuing to post. Thank you.


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idunno
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I have been depressed for over 10 years and it took me all that time to finally go to the dr to get medications. I have tried councelling or just talking to people for years and it never helped. I found with the medication that I am able to talk to others about my problem and to sort out some of my other personal issues. At first I thought it was normal to feel down the way I did so I put on a happy face for others. Unfortunately that didn't work out too well. If you are having down days more often than I would suggest you talking to your doctor or seeking some form of councelling. Talking helps but friends aren't always the best people to talk to.

Suicidal thoughts are definitely not normal and even though you are sitting in your room until the mood passes this is not a good thing to be thinking. You need to get help from someone because there are people that can help you through this. It's not a nice feeling...I know from experience.


Posts: 17 | From: St. Catharines, ON, Canada | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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