I don't know if this is the right place for this post, but I'll write it here anyway.
Recently I've started a relationship with a girl (I am also a girl and this is my first girlfriend). I really like her and everything is going well. She's my sister's best friends and they've had a few problems in the past. When my sister found out about my relationship with her friend she seemed to be fine with it, although she was slightly paranoid that we were talking about her behind her back.
Anyway, this morning me and my sister were alone in the house and she took 10 paracetamol. I don't know what drove her to do this but she's gone to the hospital and she'll be fine. I asked her why she did this while I was waiting for my mum to come and take her to the hosiptal. She was just crying at me and told me that everything had just built up and she couldn't cope anymore. I had no idea she felt like this and I have no idea why she felt she couldn't talk to anyone about this. I know that my sister and her friend (my girlfriend) had a big argument last night but I don't know what was said. I think my sister feels that I would choose my girlfriend over her and that her friend (my girlfriend) would choose me over her.
This whole situation is bad. My girlfriend's father committed suicide and she was obviously very affected by this, somehow feeling it was her fault. If she finds out about my sister she will feel that it is her fault and she could go into depression again. I dont; see how I can avoid telling her what happened though.
I don't know what to do. I don;t think there;s much I can do. I feel like it's all my fault. I thought my sister was OK with my relationship and I would never have done anything I thought was upsetting her. But now it's too late. Any advice on what I can do? Sorry this post is so long and I hope it makes sense.
Many of us who have been through suicide with those close to us are amazingly resilient.
So, I wouldn't suggest you keep this from her, I'd just be sensitive in how you deliver the news. Do not insinuate this is in any way about her; do not walk in protesting it isn't defensively, either.
To boot: I'm sure it isn't your fault, either. Suicidal behaviour really isn't anyone's "fault." Given the small number of pills your sister took, clearly this wasn't an earnest attempt to die: it was more likely a cry for some help/attention.
I know I shouldn't but I can't help feeling really angry with my sister. How dare she be so selfish. She has the perfect family life, she has friends, she has everything. And now my parents feel like it's their fault. She had no right to make them feel like this. I know she can't have seriously wanted to die, because she didn't take nealy enough pills, but what on Earth was she trying to do? She could have talked to anyone. I know I'm not helping by feeling like this, and of course I won't show any of these feelings to my sister. But she has had everything handed to her on a plate. If she was having problems she had plenty of people to talk to. I'm finding it hard not to hate her for this. Does she think that other people don't have problems? Does she think she's the only one who gets stressed out and overwhelmed? Obviously she's been having bad problems that maybe I have no idea about. But she won't let anyone help her. She refuses to talk to anyone and she's making everyone around her feel like crap. She's lucky to have the family, friends and life that she has and she was just going to throw it all away because she's been going through a rough patch? I don't know what to do to help if she refuses to talk.
Posts: 18 | From: UK | Registered: May 2004
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Being angry with someone who has attempted or committed suicide is 100% normal. And it's also completely valid.
Now, of course, isn't the time to discuss that with HER: let her get out of her cirsis point first. But in time, you absolutely can express your anger and your upset.
Obviously, she was NOT thinking about what the problems of others may have been at that moment; clearly she was thinking of herself. And maybe soon you can discuss how she was feeling, why she felt isolated or unable to talk to others, and what exactly it is that's got her feeling so overwhelmed. It would also be an excellent idea to see if you, as a family, couldn't set up a few family sessions with a counselor to help initiate and mediate discussions like this.
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