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Author Topic: My Girlfriend has anorexia (complex)
spazzo216
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Hey, My girl friend has had anorexia since april of 2003. She told me somewhere around novemember or october of 2003. She has made me promise not to say anything about it so I am trying to keep my word and not try to get her help. The worst part of it is that she wants to do it and I havnt been able to change it at all. I am wondering if there is a way to convince her to stop and build back her self esteem with out a support group or somthing like that where her parents would find out. She isn't deathly skinny, but she is naturally pale. She has had some weird heart problem before she had anorexia but since she said that they have stopped and the Doc doesnt know what the problem was. I told her that I would interviene when you could clearly tell that she had ana but I don't know if that will happen or it will be too late. I am aware that it has affected her periods and less than 4 times sinse she started she has fainted because of it. She naturally has a small stomache and somtimes uses that as an excuse, but I wonder if she had ana before april because she ate little before april too but probabally more than she eats now. She hates talking about it and I don't know what to do anymore.
Posts: 4 | From: severnapark,md,usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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waiting till you can outwardly tell if she is anorexic, is waiting WAY too long. by then, she will have done serious damage to her metabolism and possible damaged her organs. you said she had a heart condition in the past, which could make her EXTRA vulnerable to heart failure due to anorexia.

If you really care about this girl, you will tell either her school counselor or her parents. She does need help, but won't get any until someone else knows.

She will probably get mad if you rat her out, but having her angry and alive is much better than having her comatose or dead later.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
spazzo216
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Waht are some things to say to convinse her to want to stop or want help?
Posts: 4 | From: severnapark,md,usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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To be perfectly frank, you're just not the right person to do so.

Anyone with a behaviour disorder like this is generally helped best by people they do NOT have a relationship with, especially a very close or romantic one. That sort of person trying to essentially act as a therapist brings up WAY too much guilt, feelings of overexposure, etc. to the point that sometimes not only is that not helpful, it is highly stressful for the person with the disorder, and ends up triggering MORE of that behaviour.

Eating disorders aren't logical: you can't jut come up with a winning argument, because one can't correct irrational behaviour with rational logic. It just doesn't work that way.

I know it's awfully hard to break a promise and tell someone else, but if you're really serious about helping her out, that's the way to do it. Once she starts getting real help, from someone fully equipped and skilled to give it, you can help a lot by supporting her in the changes she's making. But that has to come first.


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lillostguardgirl
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spazzo,
I don't want to sound rude or mean or anything but I am going to tell you the truth from my first hand experience. Just please if I am sounding really harsh, hear me out, I've lived through this and I'm pouring out my heart.

There is nothing you are going to be able to say that is going convince her to get help she has to be the one to want the help, and even if some how you get her to say yes to seeking treatment, no treatment is giong to be effective unless your girlfriend is 110% into it.

If you wait until she is "deathly skinny" to try and help her then it will be too late. I know that you made her a promise not to tell anyone, and you think she would be mad at you if you broke your promise, but think of it this way; would you rather have mad but eventually healthy girlfriend (whom you can talk with and work things out with) or an extremely sick girlfriend (whom granted you kept her secret but in doing so you may loose her)

Again, I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but I've lived this and it pains me to see other people living this too, it's not a good place to be. Please let me know what you think about what I said.

*Hugs and Bugs*
Dawn

[This message has been edited by lillostguardgirl (edited 01-11-2005).]


Posts: 24 | From: Fl, Usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
spazzo216
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who should i tell then?, my parents, her parents, a guidence counsular?
Posts: 4 | From: severnapark,md,usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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As Miz. S said, it'd be better for someone who does not have a very close relationship with her to help. A counselor would be good, or a teacher that you trust. But she needs to get help, before something worse happens.
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lillostguardgirl
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While I agree, I also think her parents need to know too. Without constant support, at home too, recovery will not be achievable. Plus her parents will be able to get her the best help possible. I don't know if it shows my e-mail address or anything on my profile on here, but if it does and you need to talk more you can e-mail me.

*Hugs and Bugs*
Dawn


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wobblyheadedjane
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Just as a note, Dawn, we don't show emails on profiles at Scarleteen for privacy and security reasons, but you're more than welcome to continue adding your advice and support here on the boards! That's what they're here for, after all.
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lillostguardgirl
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well, I didn't know for sure or not, there are times where I am not able to come on here for a couple days at a time, so I just offered. It's okay though.


spazzo, let me know what happens or if you need any more advice via this post.

*Hugs and Bugs*
Dawn

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"And I feel like I'm still there, spinning round and round, and the ride won't stop, and I won't dare get off"


Posts: 24 | From: Fl, Usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
spazzo216
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I don't know if letting her parents know would be helpful or not, but i definitly dont want to be telling people behind her back about it. Is it good for her to tell more of her friends? or would that just cause more guilt?
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lillostguardgirl
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it would be best for her to talk to an adult that she trusts. like a teacher, or a school councelor or some one of that nature. someone that can get her the help that she needs.

I can tell that you care about her a lot but no matter how much you want to help her, you can't offer her as much help as an adult or a professional would be able to.

*Hugs and Bugs*
Dawn

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"And I feel like I'm still there, spinning round and round, and the ride won't stop, and I won't dare get off"


Posts: 24 | From: Fl, Usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KrAzY_KaRl
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What are you waiting for spazzo? get out there and tell someone, for both your sakes.

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Posts: 29 | From: Geelong, Victoria, Australia | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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