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Author Topic: Ummm......
BabyGirl205
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hey there
okay im not to sure if this is in the right place but here i go. okay i am a bisexaul and if i tell my mom she will disown me. the same with the of my family. the only person who knows is my best friends.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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(Pease do not double-post topics, as mentioned in the user registration agreement.)

You may find the following helpful: Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out (Or: How to Come Out of the Closet Without Tripping Over the Laundry).

As well there are a LOAD of topics like this in the orientation and identity forums.

Most of all, are you dating someone of your same gender right now? Because if not, then likely "coming out," is something that can wait until you are, as if you're not, it's largely academic to anyone who isn't you.

If you are, then some steps towards coming out ARE likely a good idea. Read the article above. Condiser telling people on the outside rung of the danger zone, as it were: perhaps other friends, a guidance counselor, extended family.


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BabyGirl205
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that really didnt help me how am i going to tell my mom. she will completely dis own me. so will the rest of my family. i have a boyfriend right now and i want to tell him but i dont know how to tell him either. please help me.
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Heather
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Honey, did you actually read that whole article? In 15 minutes?

If not, do take a look.

That said, and with some of the info from that piece in mind, there's really nothing anyone else can do to make your mother be okay with something. Certainly, if you feel being out is going to get you kicked out of the house, it's probably a good idea to wait to come out to your family until you're on your own. Again, since you're not dating women now, for the time being, that should not BE very problematic to keep to yourself, however much it may suck that you have to.

Per your boyfriend, again, the best bet may to think about where YOU are at with this. When you do talk to him, do you need to talk about dating others, or are you going to come into the discussion making clear that while you're attracted to women, you want to be with him mongamously all the same?

Coming out is not only a long process, it seriously is LIFELONG. There will always be people you're coming out to, in all the years of your life. As well, there may well always be people you just don't tell, for various reasons. And there's no reason whatsoever to rush it, especially if these feelings are brand-spanking new AND you've no intention of dating anyone same sex right now. Sounds clear you need time to process and think about this stuff yourself first, asking yourself things like, "Who do I feel NEEDS to know right now, and WHY do they need to know?" Or, "What do *I* need from others in terms of my bisexuality, and what do *I* need to be providing myself?"

You might also find these helpful to do that with: The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer and
Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz.


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BabyGirl205
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i am 13 years old i cant wait till i am 18.
i have wrote a whole notebook about this and all the other problems in my life do you think i should just let her read that?
but what if she sends me to therapy do you really think there is something wrong with me. somehting that i would have to go to therapy for? please help


sorry i keep bothering you!!!!


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glitter695
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No, there is nothing wrong with you at all. Just because you are bi-sexuual doesn't mean that you need therapy. But you can go see a therapist if you really need to talk to someone and get your feelings off your chest.

It might be good for your mom to read your notebook. It says how you TRULEY feel, and thats whats most important. But nobody says that you have to come out to your mother right now. You should do it when you are ready. Whats the rush?

Why do you think your family will dis own you? Did they tell you that? It might be tough for them, but I dont think they would go as far as to not want you in their lives.

Take some time, really read the articals Miz Scarlet gave you and take time to think about what you want to do right now.

------------------
*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable


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BabyGirl205
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glitter695 thanks for the help

i know they will disown me because they did it to my cusion crystal. but you really think i should let my mom read my notebook i do buy i really needed a second oppinoin thank you. i am worried about some of the other stuff in my notebook, it is still how i feel but i dont know???

[This message has been edited by BabyGirl205 (edited 12-28-2004).]


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Heather
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If you feel disclosure of bisexuality will get you kicked out of the house, or put in physical harm, than AGAIN, disclosing that right now is NOT a good idea. Have you asked yourself some of those questions I posed, like what you want from coming out, or what you feel it will provide you?

I say that because the reality is that, like to think everyone is lovely as we do, many families DO disown or kick out queer children, Glitter and Baby.

Bear in mind, too, that you're going to need to be prepared to face some things right now you might not like, based on how you're talking. For instance, how might you handle your mother telling you it's a phase, a trend, or all in your head, since you have a boyfriend, not a girlfriend? That's not to say she'd be right with that, but attitudes like that can be toug to swallow and t's a good idea to take your time and be prepared fr them.

I would suggest that for now, you keep your notebook to yourself and take baby steps, here. process this YOURSELF. Talk to your friends, coeme out to your boyfriend, and certainly, seek out some community for support, like a GSA at your school.


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BabyGirl205
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i think i am ready to show my mom the notebook now though and if i dont do it now i dont know when i will be ready again!!!
so what do i do should i show her. i wont anyone to post that can help me


thank you glitter (erica i read your file thing)

[This message has been edited by BabyGirl205 (edited 12-28-2004).]

[This message has been edited by BabyGirl205 (edited 12-28-2004).]


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JamsessionVT
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Hey Babygirl, you didn't mention where you are from, but sometimes that can come in handy.

In many states, you cannot simply be kicked out of your house unless you are considered, by law, and adult (18 and older usually, but in some states they use 16 as the legal age). Not to mention, in some states a minor cannot legally live on their own without the permission of a legal guardian: for instance, if you go to this website:

http://www.bostoncoop.net/lcd/emancipation/emancipation_chart.html

Find your state, and look over the info. It should say somewhere, maybe not flat out, but give you an idea of the terms of emancipation in your state.

(For future reference, it's sometimes really helpful to have where you live. )

[This message has been edited by JamsessionVT (edited 12-28-2004).]


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BabyGirl205
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thanks but they would still send me to live with my boyfriend and his mom would let me so they would kind of do illegally so yeah
by the way i live in colorado and i think it said they can kick me out legally or i could move out legally. if you could reply and double check me because there was a lot of big words in there (lol )

[This message has been edited by BabyGirl205 (edited 12-28-2004).]


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Heather
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In NO state can a 13-year-old minor be kicked out legally nor move out legally without a legal, formal adoption or switch of guardianship.

What does that mean to you? Simply, that if a parent attemtpted to kick you out or move you to another residence without a legal adoption or some such, the department of children and family services would be informed and you would be returned home or, if your home were found to be abusive, located to foster care. And DCFS would NOT okay a 13-year-old being placed in the home of a boyfriend or partner because that presents a conflict of interest.

(And hey: when big words are a problem, grab a dictionary. That way you can learn what they mean, which is always of use. )


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BabyGirl205
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okay thanks for the help i still think i should show my mom my notebook because the more i think about it i dont want to give it to her but i know i should. i mean shouldnt i?

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wobblyheadedjane
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Actually, you've had a lot of people here already advise you not to show the notebook to your mother. As hard as it is to keep something that is important to you a secret, when it comes to things of this nature (especially not knowing how your mom will react, or thinking she will kick you out), it's probably in your best interest to not tell her right now. A lot of the articles and advise Miz S has given you is worth a second and third thought, so perhaps spend a couple of days reading and thinking things over.

For now though, pretty much everyone agrees that the notebook may not be such a good idea, and since you're having second thoughts yourself, it's probably a good idea to shelve that thought for a while.


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BabyGirl205
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okay thank you guys for all the help sorry i caried this on so long but now all my questions are finally answered! thank you for all your help i am sure i will be back soon for some more help but for now i think i am good. agian thank you ALL!!


hey someone who has the power can you close this so no one else can post replies anymore thanks

[This message has been edited by BabyGirl205 (edited 12-30-2004).]


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