It was about a month before i started going out with the love of my life when i had sex with a girl i did not love and it was only once and when i started going out with the girl i love i lied to her and told her i was a virgin because i regreted the way i lost my virginity so much. We have been together for about 10 months when i finally told her because i love her too much and could not live a lie any longer. She was devistated because she thought we shared that special moment together and i would give anything to take back what i did only a month before i meet her because she is the greatest girl in the world and deservied what she though she had more then anyone. I cant get it off my mind it bothers me all day for weeks at a time i cant find closure for what i did because only if i had waited one more month only one month i would be the happiest person ever because i got share my virginity with a girl i love. Now i regret so much because i just threw away my virginity and know my girlfriend that i love more then anything will never be able to look at me the way she used to, before i lied to her.
Any ideas on how i could find closure on this it would be greatly appriciated because i hate living with this it makes me sad all day.
I think you're missing what really went wrong here.
The thing that soured this was NOT that you had been with someone else before. Really, I can promise that: two people can have sex for the first time as a couple and have it be special even when they're in their 60's.
What sullied things was that you were DISHONEST.
What I'd suggest in seeking for resolution with this is that you don't lose sight of that and work with THAT, both alone and in your relationship, rather than making this about who you did have intercourse with for the first time.
Waiting one more month may or may not have made things any different. telling the truth is what would have made a difference here.
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