well, i know this is support groups, and it seems to have a tradition of being sad, but i figured it was worth throwing in a happy topic. happiness never killed anybody, right?
well, i figured this belonged in here, because it kinda seems to fit. for the longest time, i've had the hardest time doing anything sexual with a guy. Yeah for past trauma. Or not. my most serious bf and i actually broke up because of it, because i couldn't do much at all, and he was getting really frustrated. he couldn't even finger me, my body wouldn't let him. oh well, if he was going to get frustrated, it's good that he's gone. Amd the last while, with my new bf, i have been a lot more open, i would kepp flipping out, like crying hysterically, shaking, remembering stuff, and apparently at one point i actually collapsed.
but yesterday, i got this idea in my head that i wasn't going to let my rapist win. it's my life, and hell if he was going to have another part in it. i never realized how strong my will was. it was hard, REALLY hard, but i managed not to cry, not to flip, and to even think about it. it's amazing. i had this cool ahppy feeling going, i still do. it's like 11 years of history lifted off my chest.
i guess i just figured i'd like to share this story.
That's wonderful! I'm so proud of you! Sounds like you've probably still got a long road ahead of you, but you've taken a major step.
Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000
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I love my job! After (surreptitiously counts on fingers)...well...a variety of jobs, shall we say, I think I've finally found what I want to be when I grow up. Despite kid snot, leaky ceilings, delayed book orders, expectations of infallibility, and frequent mayhem, I LOVE BEING A SCHOOL LIBRARIAN!
And, oh yeah, the rest of my life is pretty darn nifty as well!
Yay! This looks like a great thread to come back to Scarleteen in!
I have been extremely busy lately! (Absolutely no time to lurk or post here, unfortunately. ) I started college in the fall (at 16 years old!) and have been really enjoying that experience! Just yesterday figured out what I'm going to take next semester. I thought I should start on the core requirements for the degree I'm going after; Performing Arts: Dance! It'll be 14 credits, which include Ballet I, Jazz I, English 111, Speech 111, and French I. Yay for me! I am so happy to be able to dance for myself again, and getting college credit for it is even better! Listen to me all of you... don't ever let anyone tell you you can't do something you know in your heart you love! After I moved here 7 years ago, I didn't take up ballet again because my "friends" told me I was too fat to dance it. I don't know why I believed them, because they weren't even dancers, teachers, medical professionals etc. But I called them friends, and a friend wouldn't lie right? Wrong, in this case. Now I just say screw 'em! I'm 5'6", 145lbs and loving all my classes! And I am advancing in ballet rather quickly. See you on Broadway!
------------------ "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Unknown
For once in my life, I am happy. Most of my anxieties and neuroses are under control, and I am able to enjoy life. I've got fantastic, supportive friends and family, and I've been getting along pretty well with my dad, which sure is an accomplishment! I'm not doing as well in school as I'd like, but I'm still enjoying a few of my classes. All in all, I am loving life.
------------------ "I talked for hours to your wallet photograph And you just listened. You laughed, enchanted by my intellect... Or maybe, you didn't."
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