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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » I cut myself for the first time today

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Author Topic: I cut myself for the first time today
AshleyInABottle
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Someone help me.

I've just cut myself for the first time. Before, I had always just scratched, never cut. But this time I took my pocket knife and I actually sliced my thigh.

I don't know what to do.

I did it because of family problems/reasons.

I am scared to death


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Miss Thang
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I don't think that any of us can tell you what to do in this situation; it's way too serious. You really need to go talk to somebody. If you are in school, I know that there are counselors there, and there is no reason to be embarrassed to talk to one. I go and talk to mine all the time; when I'm having a bad day, when my grades aren't great, when I'm having family problems (Hunny- I gots the family problems too. If you wanted to talk to me about them; you totally could. You don't have to, but if you feel o.k. about sharing them, I'm here.) Do you have a psychologist, or if you don't, would your parents let you see one? This is honestly too big for me and for most unprofessionals to handle.
Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AshleyInABottle
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I'm an 18 year old college freshman and I live at home.

I can't tell anyone about this. I really can't. I know it sounds weird, but I can't tell anyone who wants to help me. My mom can NOT find out about this. Trust me..everyone thinks we are this "perfect family" with the exception of my cousin who is a drug addict, and if I tell my mom then the whole family will know and they will treat me like they treat my cousin. I don't want that. I also don't feel very comfortable going to some stranger (a psychologist) and telling him my life story.

Thank you though for showing your concern. It truly means alot to me.


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Miss Thang
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I understand completely about the "perfect family" thing- that's my situation too. Something to think about: Why exactly did you do that to your leg? What was your intent? I have only cut myself once- I cut my wrists; I don't know why I did it really, I wasn't even thinking, I don't really remember much of it, it was almost like a dream. But all of the sudden I looked down and I was holding a razor to my wrists and it scared the hell out of me. I don't know what part of me wanted to do that, or what part of me wasn't working right and let me do that to myself. You really have to ask yourself why you did that and what you're trying to accomplish, if anything.
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Kasper
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You seriously need to seek professional help!

If you dont feel like you can tell your mom, go to the psychologist alone. Your mom does not need to know if your an adult. Psychologist can be the best person to go to. They dont know you, so they wont be judgemental twards you.

You need help! Cutting is serious. My sis was into that for a while, we got her professional help, and she is fine now.


Dont wait to long, cuz it could seriously get outta hand, catch it while you can!


Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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Most colleges and universities have student counseling centers where the counseling is free or extremely low cost. Please, get hold of yours. You need to get professional help to deal with this and as much as we care, we are not professionals.

Remember therapists/psychologists are folks who are trained to help. They will not tell your parents or anyone else in your family, and they won't be shocked by anything you tell them. If you had a problem with your body you'd go see a doctor, right? If your plumbing had a problem you'd call a plumber, right? Well this is a problem, too, and you need a professional to help you deal with it. There is nothing to be ashamed of in getting help when you need it.


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AshleyInABottle
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I did it basically to take my mind off of what was happening. I did it so I could focus on something else..like the pain. That sounds so messed up but it is true.

I had this friend online whom I would tell all of my problems to. I told her today what I did to myself, and I told her that I am scared that my boyfriend has come out of remission and that he might have cancer again (in April of 2000 my boyfriend was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease but he went into remission that August). A radiologist told him that something looked "different" on his CAT scan so they are making him have a PET scan on Tuesday and I am scared. So anyway I told this friend about that, and what she said to me made me want to cut myself again. This is exactly what she said to me:
"he has cancer here.. he has cancer there.... you cut yourself here cuz of it.. you cut yourself there.... lalalalaaaa.... my boyfriend lives in flordia and i NEVER SEE HIM... and i dont get sex as much as a normal person SHOULD.. but i dont expect people to feel sorry for ME... lol."

It really has me shooken up and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

[This message has been edited by AshleyInABottle (edited 11-04-2001).]


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Lady Moonlight
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Your on-line friend sounds incredibly shallow.

Ashley, please, please get yourself some professional help. Your mom does not have to know. In addition to your school counseling center, there are also crisis hotlines you can call and talked to somebody trained to handle, well, crises. There's a link on the Scarleteen home page that will give you numbers for several of these.

You asked for advice, hon, and several people have given you the best advice we know. You already know that being self-destructive is not a good way to handle your problems, and it's sure not going to help either your boyfriend or yourself. However, folks who have been through it will tell you it's tough to stop without professional help. Get some, please. You don't have to handle this by yourself.

[This message has been edited by Lady Moonlight (edited 11-04-2001).]


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Lin
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Hon, Lady Moonlight is absolutely right. Your online friend is incredibly shallow and honestly, not worth your time. She obviously doesn't give two hoots about how you feel and you are better off without her.

But we care hon. We care very much about you. I am sorry things are so hard for you right now and I totally understand why you resort to cutting yourself. The physical pain is easier to stomach than the emotional at times.

But you have to prove that you are stronger than this sweetie. We know you can do it. If you really feel a need to hurt yourself to distract yourself from all the emotional pain, there have been various other ways suggested by our users. Ways like holding ice cubes, flicking rubber bands etc.

But of course, hurting yourself is never the best way to go. Is there anyone at all you can talk to? A close family friend? A friend? A relative? A teacher?

When you feel the need to cut hon, try and distract yourself. Write in a diary, come onto Scarleteen and post. If you can beat the urge to hurt yourself once, you can do it a second time.

But you can't do this all alone hon. If you need any of us, we are al here for you. Our email addresses can be found on ST. If you need to talk, let me know. I can be reached on ICQ (26629976), email (weilin_lim@hotmail.com) and MSN.

And please remember to keep your wound clean and dry if you resort to cutting yourself. *hugs* We are all here for you hon. As lady Moonlight said, cutting isn't going to solve the problems you are facing now. It is but a momentary distraction which solves nothing, really.

You really need to talk to someone sweeto and soon. If you need a list of numbers you can call, just let us know and we will try to get them for you.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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