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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » what can i do?

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Author Topic: what can i do?
Member # 3282

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I am 15 (almost 16) have been going through major problems with my parents, things started getting better and now just recently they have got worst and i hate it, i love them heaps, but cant stand it when they both gang up on me!! it effects not only me but my brother, family and especially my friends i have lost quite a few because of what my parents have said and done.basically i want to be able to move out of home but dont know how this is possible!!is it legal? (when im 16?)and how can i leave without cutting off my parents entirley. i know this probably sounds like a teenage angst against the awful parents but this is too much for me and dont want it to go on, any help, suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1194

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I've felt like giving up on my parents plenty o' times. But, being 16, nah.. you can't do too much about it. They're your parents and LEGAL guardians. Unless you are seriously being abused (in any form) than, until it's legal for you to move out, ya just gotta live with it like the rest of us teenagers. Is there anything in particular that happened/happens? Have you tried talking to your parents? How about a counselor?

"I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal"

Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 685

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You ain't alone in this situation. Plenty of teenagers don't get along with their folks. We all have our quarrels. The just want what's best, and in their minds, they're confused as hell. They just won't admit it. Try to see things from their perspective, that's what I do. It normally helps things out to see the other side.

I know the pieces fit because I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering; fundamental differing.

Posts: 124 | From: Lucasville, OH, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisa D
Member # 389

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Are you in a situation that is physically or emotionally abusive? And really, give some thought to this answer...

When you and your parents argue, what do you argue about?

Doe they have a reasonable set of rules they've given you that you don't abide by?

When you say that you've "Lost friends" because of what your parents have said and done, what do you mean?

Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3282

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Thank you all for your advice.Lisa D these are a few answers to your questions, sorry i aint explain fully.i feel emotionally drained all the time, i cant handle everything my folks throw at me like searching my roon from top to bottom for no reason at all and dont give a damm about how i feel bout them going through my gets angry and picks on me and stuff
We argue about little things first and then they turn into big stuff, my mum and i dont get along and are constantly argueing.
I try to abide by there rules, and lately i cant be bothered going through the hassels of asking to go out so i dont.there rules are sumtimes over the top but i know others have it like that too.
My parents belive that any friend of mine is just like me and will never give them a chance, friends never come bak over to my place because once therve meet my folks they find them intimidating and really overreactive!! but it going to be allright because ive just discovered its legal to leave home @ 16 and i have applied for a student allowence to pay the rent for this flat ill move into with 3 others later this year which im looking forward too im not going to cut my parents off totally but i need my space between us to try and finish school.Ive talked to them about it and mum automatically said no but dad just yelled and said "once you move out youre on your own so dont come running to us when u stuff up"I dont now if that means when i move out hell have nothing to do with me???

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Member # 5036

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The decision to not live at home anymore is a big one. And living with a group of people can present it's own set of stresses, different to living with your parents.

This may well be the right decision for you, but the outcome is going to be best if you plan carefully. Your parents may also be more respectful of your choice if you can demonstrate it is one you have made responsibly.

Parents being parents, one of the best ways to do this is through budgeting, and it's also one of the best things you can do for yourself. It will help you decide if you really can manage living on your own, of if you're not quite ready.

Things to look at include your average monthly income vs. your average monthly outgoings: rent, heat, electricity, water, food.

Do you know how to plan a balanced, healthy weekly shopping trip on a budget? Do you know what your average bills on top of rent are likely to be?

What will you do if you or one of your friends becomes ill in the flat? Do you have access to affordable healthcare?

If you are living independantly of your parents, are you prepared to learn about and face filing taxes each year?

Do you and your flatmates have agreements about noise, overnight guests, music, food, and all the things that drive people CRAZY when they live together?

Do you know what your legal position is? Will you still need them to sign school forms or other forms for you even after you're 16?

If you can sort through all this and write it all down in an organised way, you'll be in a better position to show yourself and your parents you are ready. Hopefully, this will help them respect you and your choice, but if not, you will be better prepared to go it alone.

Give them time, and be the adult if you have to. Call weekly to let them know you are fine, cheerfully, even if they hang up on you, and keep the communication lines open. Eventually, they may relent. They certainly won't stop caring.

Think carefully, and good luck.

Hope this helps,

Posts: 848 | From: London, UK | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisa D
Member # 389

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You rock! You hit on all my questions exactly...

However, honeyb, Judging from your answer, I'm getting the impression that your parents have set down stringent rules for a reason. Have you tried to see things from their side? They care about you, and I'm sure they want the best for you...

Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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