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Author Topic: dazed and confused
littlechick
Neophyte
Member # 4895

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im really sorry this is so long but it kinda has to be for anyone to help me...this summer has been quite stressful and i just cant take it anymore!!! the very first night of summer my 2 best friends and i went to a party with 3 of our guy friends...a couple of them got drunk (not me) but i ended up making out with my ex b/f (who had cheated on me...we will call him alex)
before the night was over. (i was also dating another guy at the time, who we will call bryan) well at the time i still wasnt over alex but i knew i needed to move on....anyway we stayed at the little party until 4 in the morning and the next night my parents found out how late we stayed out and grounded me....2 nights after i got grounded bryan asked me out and i agreed b/c i cared about him a lot, however i still had feelings for alex. the night after me and bryan start going out alex calls me and tells me that he is still in love with me and that he wants me back. i really didnt want to ruin the relationship with bryan, so i told him that i couldnt b/c i was already going out with someone. well me and bryan had been going out for about a month, and our love for eachother had grown and i was really in love with him...i went farther sexually than i have ever gone b4 (i still kept my virginity dont worry!) well on a friday night bryan and i are talking on yahoo messenger and he tells me that he still loves his ex g/f even tho he is in love with me, but doesnt think it is fair to me if i cant have all of his heart. i talked to him on the phone about everything after that and he tells me that he did not break up with me to go out with anyone or to even date anyone, that he just needs time to move on...after we hang up i am still heartbroken and i threw up and cried all night long b/c i was so upset i couldnt sleep. well about 2 weeks later i find out that he has a date with another chick....now we are still friends so we talked about everything...but it really hurt me a lot. a few days after that alex calls me b/c he find out about the breakup and wants another chance. i finally give in to him hoping that maybe there is still that spark left in me...a couple days later i broke up with him b/c i didnt feel i was ready for another serious relationship, and i didnt really have feelings for him anymore, it really hurt him and i feel terrible about it. bryan found out what had happened with alex and we talked about it and everything and then we talked about him and the girl he dated. they couldnt find time to be with eachother so the whole thing kinda fell through and he asked me if we could be friends with benefits. its very hard to say no to the one you love so i told him yes....im not really sure what its doing to me...but i love getting to spend time with him as a friend and i definitely dont want to lose that because when i lost him i lost all his buddies that i had got close with and i lost the friendship we had...and now im gaining it back b/c of our "benefits". there are a bunch of other little things that have went wrong too. i told this whole story to get to a point at which someone might be able to help me with my depression....lately i have also been very self-conscious about the way i look. i feel like i am fat and ugly and i always have these moments where i get really depressed or have terrible mood swings where i just want to throw things. i want to lose weight and i want everything in my life to just be fixed and i just cant seem to control anything that goes on. i want bryan back, i want happiness back and i just want to go away and forget about everything. i dont like feeling sorry for myself but when it gets to the extent that act like this i have to get help....

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"No guy is worth your tears but when you find the one that is, he will never make you cry!"


Posts: 36 | From: US | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Smurfie to the rescue! I try ...

First of all you need a hug ... So all i can do is give net hugs, but since you do'nt really know me, i figure this is the best kinda anyway **hugs** !!

Next, don't be so hard on yourself. Breakups happen and while they're really hard and really suck, they're not the end of the world. You'll find someone that WILL give their whole heart to you and will expect nothing less in return.

It's really good that you were smart (for lack of a better word) enough to realize that your relationship w/ Alex wasn't working out. What i don't understand is why you need a relationship ... ?? Going out one nite for dinner or a movie or even the "friends w/ benefits" way might be easier on you at the moment, than having a full time "relationship" w/ someone.

Finally, it's okay to feel sorry for yourself. Everyone does it, but there's also a time when 'enough is enough'. Have a bath, paint your nails, go for a 'nite out w/ the girls', ... do something to make yourself feel good. Volunteering is also a great way to go (part of the reason i'm here, to be completely honest) b/c it makes you feel good to know that you're helping someone else.

If your "feeling blue" persists for more than 2 wks along w/ changes in sleeping and eating habits, it may be time to go to the doctor to discuss the likelyhood of this being caused by depression. From your post, i don't see this as being the issue, as this looks to be mostly circumstantial (not that depression can't be circumstantial ... it can, but it doesn't have to be)

Best of luck, sweetie. Email at crazydaisy384@hotmail.com if i can help you out at all or just give you someone to vent to ...

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I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
~ Anonymous

In a Smurf's world ...


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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