Hi all, well nows my chance to ask for help but it's so hard. For about well as long as i can remember i have cut or hurt myself in many different ways to forget the pain i feel. I also have an awful relationship with food. I guess u can say i have the tendencies of a bulimia sufferer. Most of the time i just want to die. I want help. I know i need it! I just don't know what i'm doing, who i am, or why i do the things i do? I feel like such an idiot because i know people go through problems everyday and they get through them. I on the other hand seem to be going in circles. I don't know why i feel so sad and confused and hurt and god there is soo many emotions i don't even know what i am feeling! There are so many things in my life that have affected me, lots i can't even talk about. Still i need advice, how do i get through this? I can't tell my mum so i need ways to help me that don't involve her. If u have advice for me pls e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org Thanks Love to all, Becki.
[This message has been edited by Becki (edited 05-07-2001).]
As you can see, many people on these boards are going through similar struggles to yours, and we all feel lost and discouraged at times. But know that you've now got lots of people encouraging not to give up hope and give up the fight against self-destruction.
If you can't talk to your parents, is there someone at school you could talk to? A guidance counselor or a social worker that works for your school? If you are religious, sometimes people who work for your religious organization can help you find help.
I recognize that your reasons for not wanting to talk with your mum about this are probabably personal, but if you do have any kind of positive relationship with her, it might be helpful to let her know that you're going through a bad time. She could probably get you help as well. For me, telling my parents that I needed to see a counselor was one of the hardest things I ever did, but it was ultimately the best thing that I could have done.
I just thought I would post some links that might be helpful. I know that before I talked to my parents about feeling depressed and coping with bulimia symptoms and OCD food patterns awhile back, it helped to assemble my thoughts somewhat. Made it easier to sit down and say, "look, I've been feeling down, this is what I think is wrong, can we check it out?" than snapping at my mom one day and screaming "i don't know what's wrong with me, i can't do anything, etc. " because it makes it easier on both parties, I've found, if you can try and pinpoint what you're upset about. Plus I've found in my experience parents are alot easier to talk to when you're being direct so they can realize it's not just us "being teenagers," y'know? http://suicidal.com/depressionlinks/ (A handy-dandy site with LOTS of links and hotline numbers, checklists, etc.) http://www.nmisp.org/eat.htm (This site also has information on anxiety disorders and suicide education and research, as well as ways to be screened for these illnesses) http://www.bme.freeq.com/news/selfmutp.html (This site explains the link between eating disorders - mainly bulimia - and cutting, and also has an 800 number to call about cutting if you can't talk to your family or a friend)
Hope these help. I really hope you can open up to family, friends or a counselor (check out a local clinic for a referral) and talk about this. These links may give you an added boost by reinforcing that you're not alone. Especially on Scarleteen - where, since everybody lives in different time zones - somebody is bound to be on the boards every hour of the day to help. Take care.
Talking to someone is always a good idea. If not your mum, a family friend? A school teacher? It's tough to have to go through all this stuff on your own hon. And I think having someone to talk to would make you feel alot better.
Have you also tried writing in a diary or a journal? It tends to work for alot of us so how about giving it a shot?
And if you ever need to talk to someone, most of us are contactable by ICQ and email. Keep your chin up honey. And I hope things start looking up for you soon. *hugs*
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