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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » here we go again

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Author Topic: here we go again
italienprincess
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ever since i can remember, we ( my family ) haven't been the most wealthiest people, but we got along with what we had.
my parents got divorced recently, and my mom just can't seem to do it on her own.
she got this boyfriend that has already moved in, and he was supposed to be helping her out with the bills, but he's only making it worse.
well, my mom and i got into a fight because i was complaining about not eating lunch because i didn't have any money. she screamed at me that i didn't have to worry because she can't keep a roof over my head anymore, that id have to go live with my dad.
i was stunned. i cried and cried, and i dont' know what to do. i dont want to live with my dad. he lives with his wife who hates me and doesn't speak any english. my grandma says that i can live with her, but she lives on the other side of town, meaning id have to come right home after school, no going out on weekends, and smelling like ciagrette smoke 24/7.
my boyfriend's mom said that she'd be happy to have me live with them, and my boyfriend has been pushing it alot lately, just like my grandma.
the thing is, i dont want to leave. i love my house with my mom. i have my yellow bedroom that me and my 2 best friends painted ourselves, my dog who i saved enough money for her all by myself, just everything.
i know that there are other people with worse problems, but i can't stop crying. everything changes so much all the time, i can't take it anymore. i thought my mom was the one person who would love me forever, and now she doesn't even want me.

what do i do? where do i go?
im losing my mind, i can't concentrate at school, i can't read a book, my hands shake constantly........

after all this typing i realized that no one can help.
guess im up a creek without a paddle.


Posts: 130 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Sweets, it sounds to me like your mother just collapsed under all the pressure.

Which isn't really very surprising, but at the same time, she also needs to try and remember that she isn't the only one sufferring the stress of all of this -- so are you.

I'd suggest you tell her all of what you said here, and see how you can help -- perhaps getting an afterschool job so you can help with some of the bills would be a big help for the both of you.

Are you over 16? If you are, and this gets truly bad, it is also possible to become an emancipated minor, though to be honest, paying your own way would also mean you'd have to make the kind of sacrifices that make your father's place seem unappealing as well.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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I sort of went through the same thing ... But i'm too lazy to type it all out, so go here and that part of it is at the end ...

Anyway ... This decision is really yours. Not anyone elses and don't let them try to convince you otherwise. I'm sure at one point you were happy w/ your mother, but right now you don't seem to be.

She must've been really frustrated to say something like to you. She made a mistake. She thought her bf would be helping her make 'ends meet' and he's just adding to the problem. Maybe she's looking out for you ... in telling you that it might be best if you lived w/ your dad.

But this really is a life altering decision, tho i'm sure you know that already. A lot of things will change and it's a lot of work trying to adjust to something so new.

You need to sit down and have a talk to yourself. Ask yourself a whole bunch of questions, like Will I be happier here? Can i reverse my decision? Who else will be effected by this move? Am i strong enough emotionally to do this?

You also might want to look into talking to a guidance counsellor or something like that at your school. S/he can go through your options w/ you and help weigh the pros and cons.

Feel free to contact me on icq or through email (kuddleekoala@hotmail.com) if you ever need someone to talk to ... or vent to


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
italienprincess
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thank you both

communication is a major thing im guessing, but im only 15 and i dont think i can take it.

my mom and her boyfriend were shopping for cars. she cant take care of me anymore, but she can buy a car? i asked her whats going on and she said, nothing.

i do have an after school job, im a lifeguard/swim instructor at an indoor pool near my house. i dont even pick up my pay check anymore, let alone see it.

i have myself and my dog


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LilBlueSmurf
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So you're paycheck goes to your mother? Wow ...

I honestly don't know what to tell you, sweetie I think if you're really that unhappy, you need to find a way out of whatever situation is making you that way. And you'll find that way on your own when the time is right.

I would not suggest living on your own though. You're only 15, so it's not really an option anyway. I'm 17, and I still depend on my mom and dad (seperate households) for a lot of things. Even tho we feel so grownup at this age, unless you're paying your own way, you're really not. We both still wee ones

Do you have an aunt or uncle or someone like that who you could talk to ... Someone who knows everyone personally and could advise you on what would be best. Or maybe give you another option.

Best of luck, sweetie.


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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quote:
Originally posted by italienprincess:
i do have an after school job, im a lifeguard/swim instructor at an indoor pool near my house. i dont even pick up my pay check anymore, let alone see it

Who picks up your paycheck, your mom? If so, this seems really unreasonable. Even though you are a minor, you should have control over the money you earn. Maybe this could be starting point to dealing with some of the issues you have with your mother?


Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
italienprincess
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thank you again

yes, my mom does pick up my paycheck,but i dont mind. she needs the money, and that is all right

i have an aunt, but she lives with my grandma. all of my other realitives live in north carolina.
my boyfriend's mom asked if i wanted to live with them, and all though that was very sweet, i couldn't. i was suprised enough that i told him, i usually dont tell my friends things like this. i dont want to bother any one ( you guys are just lucky i guess )
as for other friends, well, all my good friends are guys. co-ed sleep overs are n't really big in my town.

ive been thinking and i should just grin and bear it. 2 years isn't that long is it?


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Eclipse
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I know it's not what you want to hear, but all I can tell you is, please try and find a way out for as soon as possible. My first boyfriend has been in a situation such as you describe for over five years now, and he's had so much trouble getting out of it. It's taken him a long, long time to learn that he can't trust his parents when they say they'll do something for him (such as: help him get his driver's license, pay back money they take from him, send in the paperwork so that he can get college scholarships, take him to college, pay the phone bill, get the car fixed).

He did VERY well in school, he knows how to drive (but doesn't have a car, 'cause for five years, something has always fallen through), he was doing well in college in his field (marine bio), he's got lots of friends, he's got marketable skills (incredible talent with computers) and he can get jobs, but every time he tries to do what he wants with his life, his parents drag him back down. They're not bad people, even, but they've got a lot of problems, and this society puts a lot of barriers in front of 1. poor people and 2. young people.

I guess what I'm saying is, try communicating, try waiting and being patient and doing well and being supportive of your mother BUT if that doesn't work, realize it, and get yourself out of that situation as fast as possible. Plan out the futures you want, and figure out what it will take to get there, and do it.


Posts: 257 | From: Sarasota, FL | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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