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Author Topic: is this bad?
Rio
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Last night I did something weird. I had been wanting to cut (i dont know if that has anything to do w/ it)and I was going to turn the light off. When I reached up to turn off the light I realized the metal next to the swith on the lamp was very hot b/c it almost burnt my finger. Then I set there just thinking sorta. I put my finger back on the lamp and just sat there while I gave my self a 2nd degree burn. I did take it away once but I put my finger back again. I just sat there totally ignoring the pain.I liked it just sitting there. But I dont think my body did b/c my whole hand started shaking and now I have a blister there. Does this have something to do with cutting? I hadnt cut in a long time which isnt unusual for me. Then I went to bed. While I was trying to fall asleep I decided i was tired of constantly wanting to cut everyday. So I cut, it was wonderful and calming. After that I fell asleep easily. I knew I would cut again thats the way it has been for four years. But I didn't know when I would break. I have failed miserably once again. Now I find myself wanting to burn myself again. Today in science class we were given some cut glass for a lab. This girl had accidentally cut her hand and in a little why I tried to cut myself again. I wanted to bleed. I don't know why. Is all of this bad. I am sorry for failing everybody.

Rio


Posts: 60 | From: near Indianapolis | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink
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Rio, you haven't failed anyone.

Really, you need to talk to someone about this. I don't mean someone from here or over the Internet, but in person, smeone that will get you help. Burning yourself is the same as cutting-it's a form of self mutilation. You need help to stop it, and it's fine to get that help. Noone's mad.

And just because you do something bad to yourself doesn't mean you're a bad person. We all love you, we're all for you. Good luck, Rio.

------------------
Sin by thy lips? Oh trespass sweetly urged, give me my sin again!


Posts: 615 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rio
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I have broken promises to friends and disapointed people, that is a fact. I have also been in counseling for quite a while and it is doing no good for this what so ever. I have taken enough different psyc. meds in the last eight years to poison a small animal. One of the ones I'm on now is making my hair fall out >< Noone that is supposed to be able to help actually seems to be able to accomplish that task. I dont know maybe its me.

Rio

p.s. thank you soo much


Posts: 60 | From: near Indianapolis | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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We are not here to tell you if hurting yourself is bad or not sweetie. That is your call. All we ask is that you realise why you are hurting yourself and keep yourself safe while getting some help for it at the same time.

Burning yourself is another form of self mutilation sweetie but you haven't failed anyone. If I counted the number of promises I was unable to keep I would be condemned to live in hell. Or wait, maybe I am. Singapore is that hot.

You say your counselling isn't going anywhere, would it do you good to change your counsellor? Are you being positive about your counselling sweetheart? If you aren't, that could be a factor which could explain why you are not seeing any good come out of the counselling.

We are not mad at your sweetie. You cut to release te frustration, pain and sadness you have. Just like how I gorge on chocolate. You just have a different way of letting out those horrible feelings you have.

We aren't disappointed with you. Self mutilation is not something which goes away in a bit. It takes time and take the time you need. But please make sure you are safe. That is the most important. If you need to talk, we are all here for you. *hugs*


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nookiebabe16
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Rio,
You are not disappointing anyone. People make mistakes. EVERYONE does. But life goes on hun. I'm sure if you have unintentionally hurt someone then a simple apology will make things better. I wish I could tell you what to do and solve everything. I am somewhat similar to you in that I keep hurt inside, and I used to take it out on myself by eating ALOT. But I realized, what I thought was taking my pain away, was only making the hurt worse. Before my grandfather passed away he gave me some wonderful advice. I hope it will help you Rio
"When nothing seems to be going your way. If everyone around you is putting you down.When you feel as if nothing can go right. You will always have a friend in God"

Now I dont know if you believe in God or some other religious being, but you can subsitute as necessary He also told me this:
"When life is bad...take it out on your pillow, not on yourself"

I hope in some way I have helped. You will be in my prayers


Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rio
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It is just that I dont know why I do it. Sometimes I know and sometimes I don't. I'm not even depressed now or anything, so i dont know whats up. I try to be positive about counseling but its hard to do all of the time. I usually am though. I just hope that I'm not going down hill now that I have found new ways to do this. I was going to cut my self in the middle of a room full of people (the lights were out but thats beside the point) which really kinda worries me. I sit and daydream of cutting all of the time. I think pretty soon it will be about five years I've been doing this if it isn't already (i'm kinda bad at keeping track of time lol). My arms are very scarred. But at the same time I kinda like cutting and fear what I might do w/o it. But I don't know whats up with me lately its like I want to cut myself or hurt myself with anything I can get my hands on. Thanks for the advice and for letting me vent.

Rio


Posts: 60 | From: near Indianapolis | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rio
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p.s. Does anybody know how I can figure any of this stuff out. I want to know why I do this so I can stop. But I dont know how to go about figuring it out.
Rio

Posts: 60 | From: near Indianapolis | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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quote:
Originally posted by Rio:
p.s. Does anybody know how I can figure any of this stuff out. I want to know why I do this so I can stop. But I dont know how to go about figuring it out.
Rio

We're not doctors, hon, just ordinary people who are here to listen as best we can. I would assume that the best person to help you figure things out is your counselor. If you don't feel like you're making any progress with your current counselor (or your current meds), have you thought about changing counselors? Can you talk to a family member or a friend about what's going on?


Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rio
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I know that nobody here is a doctor. But I figured doctors dont seem to know why, so I will try asking somebody else. Thats what I did. Last week I talked to my counselor and she said that we (my counselor and I) are gonna have to work on it. Maybe this means I'm going to get somewhere for a change. How does a person just quit cutting? I know people here have done it but how exactly?
thank you
Rio

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Gaffer
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Cutting is emotionally addictive. I went through a weird sort of withdrawal when I stopped, and I have relapses too. The thing about cutting was not that it was a road to suicide (I'm far to wimpy to try that successfully), but that it felt good to feel bad. It still does feel good, but I finally realized it was a crutch. I would get mad or sad and then cut, then feel better. There was little or no dealing with the problem I was having. Sometimes there was no problem--I was just experimenting to see how much I could control myself. I stopped cutting by, well, not cutting anymore. People worried when I cut, and I realized I wasn't just hurting myself. Figureing out why to stop is harder than stopping--a reason makes it a lot easier.

Hmmm, I wonder if I meant that.


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Cahuna
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Hi Rio,

To help you figure out why you cut, I shall offer some questions. How do you emotionally feel in the durations immediately before cutting? You stated that cutting makes you feel calm. When you feel calm, where do the feelings that were there previously go? What are you scared of doing if you don't cut? Is there anything worrying or distressing you in your life right now?


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Claire
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hey i was just wondering why..?
why do u cut? it makes u feel calm? couldnt cutting up a peice of paper make u feel calm to?
i feel like doing it sumtimes just out of curiosity but i never have.
and i know why to. i love myself too much.
maybe whats wrong is youve got a low self esteem? well thats what ims eeing ne way. maybe thats sumthing to discuss with your counsillor.
Hope ive helped
Claire

Posts: 82 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rio
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quote:
Originally posted by Claire:
hey i was just wondering why..?
why do u cut? it makes u feel calm? couldnt cutting up a peice of paper make u feel calm to?
i feel like doing it sumtimes just out of curiosity but i never have.
and i know why to. i love myself too much.
Claire

Why do I cut? Hmmm... that is the question isn't it heh. I cut because it makes everything better for a while. Yes, it makes me feel calm and relaxed b/c I'm a bit out of it when I do it. Somehow at somepoint in my life my mind learned how to um sorta, make me kinda go elsewhere for a while. I kinda do that (though much more mild than I have I some extreme situations) when I cut. It takes whatever is upsetting me and makes it better for a while and thats why I cut. Unfortunatly, no, cutting a piece of paper is definately not going to help. Thank you for the ideas.

Rio
P.S. Don't ever start cutting please. Its bad for your body and you mind as well as people who care about you. You dont want to end up in this situation.

[This message has been edited by Rio (edited 04-24-2001).]


Posts: 60 | From: near Indianapolis | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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