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Author Topic: What should I tell him?
keoki_14
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Member # 1312

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A friend just asked my why he pushes people away? He asked me because he thought that he had pushed me away and that I might know the answer. I really have no idea what to tell him. I don't know him too terribly well, but I've got some ideas. Maybe because he's been pushed away by someone he loved. He also said something about commitment. He's afraid of the commitment to a relationship. He said he's a coward for not being able to try to get a relationship that he "pushed away" back on track for the fear of losing them again. I told him that he should talk to his therapist because I really didn't know. He thanked me for at least listening.

What else could I tell him if he doesn't want to tell his therapist? I've looked around on Scarleteen, but I haven't really found what I was looking for. I would greatly apprieciate it if someone pointed me to some good posts or gave me some advice.

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"You're older than you've ever been, and now you're even older... You're older than you've ever been, and now you're even older
And now you're older still..." -Older by TMBG

"There's only one thing that I know how to do well and I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well And that's be you, be what you're like, be like yourself, and so I'm having a wonderful time..." Whistling in the Dark by TMBG

"Everyone looks naked when you know the world's address.."
The World's Address by TMBG


Posts: 620 | From: Columbia, MD, USA | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Most people push others away because they are afraid of being rejected themselves. It's fairly simply pop psychology, but that is usually pretty on target.

The better question to ask your friend might be this: does he WANT to push others away?

In other words, if we're not wanting a relationship or ready for one, it makes sense not to pursue it. But if he wants that and is still pushing, it's likely he's simply afraid of being rejected or having his heart broken. And that's really a risk any of us has to take when we approach others.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keoki_14
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Member # 1312

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We just both established that he is afraid of rejection.

He said that he isn't sure about wanting to push people away. He thinks that if he pushes them away, the pain will be quicker and he won't get hurt later on.

I guess it would be best if he just talked it over with his therapist.

------------------
"You're older than you've ever been, and now you're even older... You're older than you've ever been, and now you're even older
And now you're older still..." -Older by TMBG

"There's only one thing that I know how to do well and I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well And that's be you, be what you're like, be like yourself, and so I'm having a wonderful time..." Whistling in the Dark by TMBG

"Everyone looks naked when you know the world's address.."
The World's Address by TMBG


Posts: 620 | From: Columbia, MD, USA | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink
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Member # 1071

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I push people away when the get too close, partly because of rejection, partly because of trust. I'm afraid that if I get too close, they won't like some of the sides of me they see, and hence reject me. And, I don't trust people with my secrets, either.

Best thing your friend could do is see a therapist. But always be there for him. He'll appreciate it

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Sin by thy lips? Oh trespass sweetly urged, give me my sin again!


Posts: 615 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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