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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » *Do Do, Do Do* the VIRGIN ZONE!

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Author Topic: *Do Do, Do Do* the VIRGIN ZONE!
margi007
Neophyte
Member # 1176

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Hi, my name is Margi and I’m a "virgin". I’m seventeen and I have had absolutely no sexual interaction with another person, not even kissing. I don’t really consider myself sexually inactive because I have a pretty full sex life with myself. I guess the reason I’m posting is because I sometimes have a hard time dealing with the sexual frustrations and societal pressures that I feel and it would be nice to have some support. I feel like a full fledged sexual being, I’m very comfortable with my sexuality and my body, but it feels like I cant talk to anyone about my insecurities regarding sex for fear of sounding desperate or pathetic. I love myself and I revel in my sexuality but there are haunting questions that float around in my psyche like “what is so unattractive about me that no one wants to be with me?” These are just fears I know, and I guess they are unfounded but its like I have this big question mark hanging above my head because of the absence of sexual interaction with another person. It took me a long time to learn to love my body and it is very frustrating to have these doubts floating around in my head, making me feel bad. Not to mention the fact that get horny as hell. Can anyone relate? Any words of wisdom/ encouragement?
Thanks,
Margi

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, the truth of the matter is that just about anyone could find PLENTY of sexual partners if they wanted to, they just might not all be what or whom you wanted.

However, it sounds to me like you've realy got your stuff together, gal. You're right -- you ARE a full-fledged sexual being all on your own, and you know, knowing that and experiencing that will make partnered sex -- when and if you're interested in it -- all the more pleasant and enjoyable for you and yours at a later date.

Too, it's important to realize that what another person can give you can't really physically give you any more than you can give yourself. What a partner gives you is company and intimacy on an emotional level. And when you're ready for that, want it, and find someone you want it with, then it's all good. If none of those things are the case yet, you'd stand to get little to nothing out of it anyway.

(Love the topic title, btw.)

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68164 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
Activist
Member # 2050

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Oh sweetie, I absolutely agree with Miz S.

The fears and doubts you have are those everybody faces. Even those in a sexually active relationship.

You sound like you've got your head screwed on tight onto your shoulders and you really know what you want. Good for you dearie.

And to ssatisfy your sexual needs, there is always the good ol' 'M' word. Masturbation. It's a fab way to learn to love and enjoy your own body.

*hugs* sweetie. I think you are doing real great.


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margi007
Neophyte
Member # 1176

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Aww... thanks guys . Those were really sweet posts. They made me feel much more secure. I know my fears are unfounded... blah blah blah... but it gets a little tough sometimes... especially when my insecurities get in the way of pleasuring myself which sometimes happens. Thank god I have a therapist; I’m trying to work through it. There was an article in "pink slip" a long time ago, about how to "get a man", it was sort of a kick in the pants to the idea that a girl needs a man, it had a great list of things to do if you want to meet someone. I liked it so much because it made me feel better about not having a guy around. Do you guys still have that column? I would love to read it again.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I have no reccollection whatsoever about what that could have been, but there is nothing like that in any of our articles.

Actually, I can't imagine there ever would have been because that whole Cosmo concept of "man-catching" is really abhorrent to me.

??


Posts: 68164 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
margi007
Neophyte
Member # 1176

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I might not have made it clear in that post (it seems I made it sound like I wanted a cosmoish guide) The column seemed to be a reaction to those cosmo-esque articles. I think the author received so many letters like "where/ when/how can I meet boys?" that they wrote a column basically saying "get over it already! But if you must have a list of things to do that will make you have more social interaction here are some things..." it included stuff like “#5 Look like you have somewhere to go. #6 Have somewhere to go.” It was really witty. Sort of dashed all those woman-needs-man-to-be-happy stereotypes to the wall.
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