Those of you who already do/dont know. I took that job as a phone councellor. I also failed, miserably. I dont have the will power to help people when I cant even help myself.
Listening to people, their problems, their lives triggered feelings in me from memories gone by of my own life and made me feel hurt all over again. Things I never thought would rear its ugly head again.
I cant believe I put myself in a postition of authority when I cant even lead myself. I ****ed up majorly to the extent of nearly costing my life yet again.
This time I was so close, the final cut and everything would have been released, and I would have been no longer. The final cut never came. I nearly killed the person who stopped me and went totally psycho. Earning myself a place in a so called 'respective' mental hospital. Im on leave at the moment, but still concidered a threat to myself and surrounding friends and family members.
I guess this whole post was a way of voicing my hurt.
I just dont know what to do with myself anymore. I was fine with inflicting pain on myself, but others...thats wrong and something that I never wanna experience again.
The only serious and realistic answer I can come up with, is to holiday somewhere, in peace with no one to delay the enivitable and kill myself.
------------------ Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
Posts: 16 | From: where nothings sacred | Registered: Jan 2001
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Divinity, darlin', all I can do is offer you a great big virtual hug and let you know that when something just isn't right for you, it doesn't mean you failed yourself or anyone else.
You know, I know a musician whose work did incredibly well ten to twenty years ago, but who later went bankrupt, ended up homeless, the whole nine yards that had that island idea, and I thought it was a pretty crappy idea.
Still do. Thankfully, he's still here. Thankfully, so are you.
Hang in there -- it will get easier, I promise. I've been there, I made it through, and I've never been that low again.
As it is said in science, "There is no such thing as a failed experiment. However, there may be unexpected results."
You tried something as an experiment and got an unexpected result.
Alexander Flemming tried growing bacteria in a petrie dish. Instead, the dish developed mould which killed the bacteria. A failed experiment? Flemming had the perceptivity to ask why had the bacteria been killed? This led to his discovery of penicillin and the pharmacopia of antibiotics.
Similarly, you got a result that you didn't expect and found internal issues that still needed resolution. Had you not done this, those issues may have remained hidden only to resurface at an inopportune time. So while the experience was disappointing you now know that you have some issues to address and your shrink can probably help a lot to resolve them. So you may well come out a winner on this.
------------------ "A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."
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