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Author Topic: I Need sex
Vashti
Neophyte
Member # 1969

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Okay listen... I have not had sex in a very long long time. It's making me crazy because I don't just want to do it to any guy! And it is very hard for me to find a guy that I really like. I don't want to mastturbate and I am not willing to try it out with another girl, however the sexual tension is buliding daily it's seems as though it is all I think about everyday. I don't know what to do. HELP before I explode.

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love is luv


Posts: 3 | From: Buffalo,NY,usa | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Well hun you're quite the difficult one aren't ya?

If you're not willing to masturbate, then what do you want the rest of us to do?? Do it for you? Umm, no. B/c i think you know that that would be the number one suggestion here ... since it's the best way to release sexual tension. But, you're not going to are ya? So i guess i'm wasting my time ...

~ Smurfy


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm going to make a suggestion.

If you don't masturbate, then what you're doing when you're looking for someone sheerly to fulfill your sexual urges is using them, plain and simple.

Remember, they're people. They aren't objects put here to make you satisfied. If you can't figure out the difference between when you simply want to get off (which is the time for masturbation, not partnered sex) and when you want intimacy and companionship in which you acknoledge someone else's needs as well as your own, you aren't ready to be heving sex with anyone. Period.

You won't explode, even if you don't masturbatte, and nine times out of ten, what you're feeling isn't about sex anyone, it's about validation. Take some time to read up on some articles here. The human body is very capable of handling sexual urges and hormonal surges all on its own, or with your two hands.

This kind of situation isn't healthy or responsible, and it's not about what's happening with your body -- it's a product of the mind set you've created, and you can easily snap the heck out of.

For your own sake and the sake of your potential partners, I earnestly hope you do.


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keoki_14
Activist
Member # 1312

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I'm just wondering, why won't you masturbate?

And I want sex too. Pretty badly, I have a boyfriend but we can never be alone to do it. You just have to be patient, that's all. I think if you weren't patient, you might regret it. Wouldn't you want to have sex with someone you love, not just some guy you met a hour ago at a bar? Or with a friend that you might not be able to look in the eye again? Just give it time, and you'll be ok.

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glitter695
Activist
Member # 1515

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MASTURBATE, its no biggie, most people do it and its stress free and wont give you any STDs, you gotta remember of you dont know how to fulfill yourself, then how is somebody else gonna do it for you. You have to get to know your own body first.

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Pixie69
Activist
Member # 406

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Sorry to say what everyone else has, but here at scarleteen we're big fans of masterbation and we're not fans of people who think they'll die without sex Well guess what? You said "I need sex" masterbation is sex, so jus do it and get it over with. If you're looking for a sex partner then I'm assuming you're not 'not masterbating' for religious reasons. You won't die w/o sex, you don't *need* sex. I'm assuming you didn't start having sex since the first time you were aroused or turned on, so you know you won't die. Deal with it or masterbate. Or have a 'sex-only' relationship with someone (which can work out too if you go about it the right way with honesty and w/o leading anyone on). But since you're looking for a male that you care about, then that probably won't happen.

My analysis: become a nun, become a hooker, masturbate, or deal with it. But hey, that's just my 2 cents..

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Flowerpunk
Neophyte
Member # 2085

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I've got to agree with everyone else who replied here. I am in a monogamous relationship with someone and we are sexually active. However, there are times when my partner is simply not in the mood, or it is just not practical to have sex with someone else. This site has helped my to understand that masturbation is the ideal solution to the situations. I had to ask myself, what am I looking for right now: emotional intimacy or a quick release of tension. (Our relationship is immensely better for it.
Posts: 5 | From: New York | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Confused boy
Activist
Member # 1964

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U know I wouldnt complain too strongly if some1 is unwilling to masturbate. I believe on this very site there was a thread saying that u shouldnt accept ne religious or scientific or ethical view unquestioningly. Most of us here belive that masturbation is fine and healthy but that most cetainly isnt the only view. I mean perhaps in the future a perfectly scientific study (not puritanical or ultra right in origin) might reveal that in some cases masturbation might not be the miracle that it is described as on this site. Perhaps it might have side effects for certain people if done too often or something. That is not an unreasonable view, in my opinion as long as it isnt imposed on others.
Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
Sexpert
Member # 100

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Actually, ConfusedBoy, the issue here isn't really masturbation, it's attitudes about sex and "needing" sex. When it comes right down to it, human beings simply do NOT need sex, in the sense that if they don't get sex, they will not continue to survive and thrive. Sex is a powerful force and a powerful drive, but feeling a "need" for sex is not the same as feeling a "need" to eat or drink... the individual will not perish or be harmed by even a prolonged lack of sexual activity, as he or she will by a prolonged lack of food or water.

All the psychological and other things that human beings get from sexual activity -- attention, touch, validation, affection, sensual pleasure, communication, a sense of physical intimacy, etc. -- are things that can be gotten in other, nonsexual ways. Sometimes it behooves us, in the interest of being ethical human beings, to realize that a perceived "need" for sexual activity may best be satisfied either by having solo sex (masturbation) or through non-sexual means. Why? Because using other people for sex is often exploitive, first of all, and because sexual activity is by no means guaranteed to satisfy the various underlying desires that we might interpret as a want or "need" for sex.

Wanting or "needing" sex is often shorthand for wanting or needing some of the not-exclusively-or-primarily-sexual things that we feel like we might get or should get from sex... and not necessarily about wanting or needing sex itself. Part of being a mature and ethical sexual human being is realizing that that difference exists, and choosing to take it into account and act as ethically as possible in regard to our sexual and other needs and wants.

Or, as Miz Scarlet put it above:

quote:
You won't explode, even if you don't masturbatte, and nine times out of ten, what you're feeling isn't about sex anyone, it's about validation. Take some time to read up on some articles here. The human body is very capable of handling sexual urges and hormonal surges all on its own, or with your two hands.

This kind of situation isn't healthy or responsible, and it's not about what's happening with your body -- it's a product of the mind set you've created, and you can easily snap the heck out of.


In short, we don't really care if someone masturbates or not, though we do think (based on lots of experience and lots of research) that masturbation can be a helpful and healthy part of people's sex lives and a really great tool for dealing with feeling like we "need" sex for the release. We DO care that people take their sexuality -- and sexual activity -- seriously enough to understand that it simply isn't as simple a matter as saying "I need sex," and that they have sexual and ethical responsibilities not just to themselves, but to the people around them.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I concur with Hanne, and also want to add something.

Loads of research on the sexology front and the medical front has been done on masturbation, you just have to go read it all. It's out there. Start at the library or a medical library.

And none of it has ever shown that masturbation when done safely (in other words, when you aren't rubbing your skin raw, or aren't using razor blades to masturbate with) doesn't harm a hair on your body.

No one is complaing about anyone being unwilling to masturbate. Instead, what is simply being suggested is that using another human being solely for your physical urges is often exploitive.


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BJadeT
Activist
Member # 2057

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I know people got annoyed last time I said something similar to this, but some people don't want to masturbate, and therefore won't enjoy masturbation. The way some of us has been raised makes us feel dirty if we do, and I think it's better not to if that's how you feel. But I do agree with Miz S on everything else she said.
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Vashti
Neophyte
Member # 1969

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Okay so maybe I used a bad choice of words when I said "need sex". My goodness i didn't think that it create such a hostile response. But nevertheless I ain't mad, my problem has been handled, I have rekindled a relationship with an old boyfriend,not for the reason of sex might I add. I apologize for my last posting if I offended the maturbaters.

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love is luv


Posts: 3 | From: Buffalo,NY,usa | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Vashti ~

I don't think any of us were offended (note: i said "i think", i can't speak for anyone) by what you said, just that you were coming to us for help, when you already knew the answer.

You never really did give a good reason as to why you can't masturbate, other than "I don't want to" ... Well if you do'nt want to, then don't. But that is honestly the only way that you'll get to know your own body before anyone else does. You can't tell him what feels good if you do'nt know yourself

~ Smurfy


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
paloma
Neophyte
Member # 2328

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In case you're still following this thread, I'm going to add that I am a bit surprised by the reactions of the majority (a bit harsh). I assumed by "needing" sex you meant you felt unhappy about how long you have not had sex with another person. This is no way is wrong, and to act as if you should try to supress the strong urges, become a sex worker, etc. sounds a bit too much. I suggest the following, having been in similar situations:

1) consider masturbation NOT as substitution for sex with another, but as a different kind of fun activity all together. Pursue it at least to say you've tried it, and first read up on it from fun sources that will inspire you. Perhaps you have heard of limited ways to masturbate...

2) consider time without sex kinda like fasting, a time to experience life without something you thought you could not live without...it can be pretty interesting if you stop agonizing about it, take the stance that you are withholding sex from yourself to learn. Abstinence from specific pleasures has long been used to haighten creativity/spiritual attentiveness.

3) Having sex for sex is not wrong but unfortunetely, this kind of sex is not so easy to come by, because you have to find a boy who is kind and sincere and yet not in search of a relationship at the same time. But search and perhaps you shall find. I agree that you should make sure to be sincere to sexual partners beforehand that you do not anything more than good ol sex.

4) Do not think that because you really like sex and want it a lot you should do sex work. The qualifications for this type of work are long and liking sex is the not even half of it. But, then again....it may be for you. Read lotsa books about it if interested: Sex Work by Delacoste & Alexander or Whore Carnival by Shannon Bell to name a few.

5) Do not think sexual release can come only through orgasm...be curious and do lots of sexy reading...adults have written lots of great books about the immense variety of ways to stay satisfied. oo la la!

Good luck! Hope your searches are fruitful!


Posts: 1 | From: Seattle, WA USA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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