This past week has been profoundly taxing for me. First, my cat ate an extremely long piece of string, which damaged his digestive system, and nearly killed him. He was operated on yesterday, and it took the vet five incisions to remove it all. He could hardly lift his head when I went to visit him today.
Then, I learned a close friend was killed in a tragic and stupid accident. Iíve lost both friends and family, but his death has affected me differently than any other I have known. Things have been positively surreal ever since his parents asked me for help planning the memorial service "because I know what he would have wanted." I guess Iíve just never been that person before, still do not know how to react.
I guess my point is that I feel like Iím just coasting along, without feeling much of any emotion. Life goes on, and Iíve done the things that need to be done day to day. It has not been without pain-mostly brief moments of extreme sadness. Iím somewhat scared that Iím just repressing these emotions unconsciously because they are too much to handle all at once.
Iím not even sure there is even a question in this post, but Iíd appreciate any reaction anyone has. Thanks for reading my ramblings all the way through.
[This message has been edited by Flowerpunk (edited 12-15-2000).]
One of my ex-girlfriends ( I was going out with her at the time) died and I was the same way. The best thing to do is engadge into some activity such as a sport or a hobby. It may take a while and thats normal but it will go away one day. It wont totally go away but it won't be a pain you feel in your every day life. I don't know if I have helped you any but I hope I have.
First of all ... *HUGZ* ... i think you need them!!
Second, i'm a big cat person. Actually, just animals in general. I hope to study to be a vet one day, if i can get the grades for it! Anyway, cats do that ... they like to eat things they're not supposed to. What you saw of your cat when you visited him is completely normal. When my cat was spayed, she didn't get off of my bed for 3 days. She didn't even eat or drink, she just layed there looking pitiful. It isn't your fault that this happened and you gave him/her the best care possible ... you took them to someone who could fix the problem.
It's incredibly painful when anyone in your life has died, including close friends. Death is a part of life. Do you believe in reincarnation? I don't want to push my beliefs on anyone at all, but this is just my view on things. You can only hold onto this pain for so long. So you're numb ... a lot of the time it's better to feel nothing at all than pain. You will start to feel things eventually and i honestly hope you can deal w/ it ... which i'm sure you will be b/c you've been dealing w/ all of this already.
Don't repress anything. Let it go ... beat a pillow, cry, write in a journal, have a nice long bubble bath complete w/ your fave music and candles. It's ok to hold onto some things in your life, but the long their in there, the harder they are to deal w/.
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