it seems every time i see my parents now (they visit every few weeks), they age another few years. it's scary. my dad is a wraith. his hair is almost all gone and his face is so drawn. he had cancer and that just aged him ten years in as many months. my mom's gone grey and the wrinkles are coming in as well. it's something i turn away from, but lately, i can't avoid it.

so, for the first time in my entire life, i am homesick. i miss my folks. i worry about them so much now. and from what i understand, they worry about me relentlessly. so i've heard, my mother is always on the verge of tears when she talks about me. my boyfriend tells me I should at least call them. but that's difficult since i'm really not the talking type. I'm not close to people. But sometimes, I wish I could be.

i'm so afraid that one day too soon, i'll lose one of them. i don't know how i'll handle that. when my father was ill, i couldn't stop crying, my sister snapped, and my mother tore through the house shredding up all the Christmas cards (it was a week before Xmas).

This has been on my mind lately. I wasn't planning on going home for Thanksgiving. But now, I think I should. i just need to get that out of my system.

"You can handle whatever life gives you. You did it yesterday, and the day before. You've done it all your life, and it has brought you to where you are today. Somehow, in some way, you have successfully made your way, to arrive at this point in your life"

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http://beam.to/anode2ryan *My Ryan Page*
"Don't go in the teepee without a condom on your peepee"~Dumb & Dumber

Gumdrop ... I can totally relate to you right now. I know, i'm not away at college or anything, but i just moved in w/ my dad not too long ago. I left my mom and sis and everything i knew ... and now that's 2hrs away from me. I don't call as much as i should b/c I feel bad for leaving them and i sort of miss them. I try not to, but it just doesn't work ...