Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » am i a boyfriend stealer even if i didnt get him?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: am i a boyfriend stealer even if i didnt get him?
victorialove cx
Neophyte
Member # 108751

Icon 1 posted      Profile for victorialove cx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay so ive been messing around with this guy james and he had a gf well last monday he told me to never talk to him again
but i asked him something anyway and he told me his gf found out and now everyone in harassing me,calling me a boyfriend stealer and a whore ..nothing and all of that. i think he got me pregnant
im sorry if this is a bit everywhere because im just..theres is things jumbled up inside my head.
what do i do to tell him that im carrying his child?
how do i get his gf to understand that?
i need serious help

Posts: 3 | From: Texas | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
People can't be "stolen," unless we are literally talking about kidnapping.

It seems clear James, if he is in an exclusive relationship, decided to break that agreement by being sexual with you. If you knew he had an agreement to be exclusive with his girlfriend, then you chose to be complicit in that. (If you didn't know, you can't be responsible for things you didn't know or someone was intentionally dishonest with you about: no one is.) But people aren't purses, and no one was "stolen" here. You both -- including James -- made active choices to do a thing.

I don't think we tell anyone we are carrying their child unless we know that is a reality. I also don't think we contact people who have asked us not to contact them unless there is a very, very good reason to do so, unless it just can't be soundly avoided. And I certainly don't know what any of this has to do with his girlfriend or what you're asking about getting her to understand. Unless she has been contacting you, I don't think contacting her or talking to her is a sound or kind thing for you to do.

You say you think you became pregnant via sex with this person: have you yet taken a pregnancy test or had one done to verify that?

Per the harassment, no matter your choices, no one should have to suffer harassment. If you'd like to talk about how to handle that, and take action to stop harassment anyone is doing you, we can talk about that with you.

[ 10-26-2013, 12:45 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
victorialove cx
Neophyte
Member # 108751

Icon 1 posted      Profile for victorialove cx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thanks and i was in a hurry and meant help her understand that she shouldnt be with him..
Posts: 3 | From: Texas | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I don't see that as something that's for you to do or concern yourself with on her behalf.

For one, that is for her to decide for herself, not your call, and if she wants someone to support her in that or talk to her about it, given the situation, you strike me as most possibly the worst person for that job.

Not "worst person," as in "You are not a good person," that's not what I mean. But worst person in that the person who your partner broke exclusivity agreements with is generally NOT the person in the position to know what's best for you, and probably hasn't even thought about that, clearly, but is also likely the very last person you want to be talking to or going to for support.

You also clearly have your own stake in this.

In other words, what's right for her? That has zip to do with you, and unless she asks you to talk with her, I don't see you having any sound place in that call or that conversation.

[ 10-26-2013, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
victorialove cx
Neophyte
Member # 108751

Icon 1 posted      Profile for victorialove cx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thanks
Posts: 3 | From: Texas | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sure thing.

So, if you earnestly think you may be pregnant, outside all of this drama, that's a potentially big deal for your life and your body, and something you'll need to know about sooner rather than later so you have as many options with it as possible open to you.

If you have not yet taken a pregnancy test, that is your next smart step.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3