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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Moving Beyond Penis-Centered Sex

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Author Topic: Moving Beyond Penis-Centered Sex
billgour
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Member # 95102

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Hi. I wanted to share my thoughts on the meaning of heterosexual sex. It may be graphic, so be warned. Anyway, in our culture, it seems like penis-in-vagina sex is treated like the only real kind of sex, while other sexual acts are dismissed as foreplay and the like. However, I was thinking this attitude is really just a patriarchal invention that misrepresents the nature of sexuality. In my mind, and I say this as a male, I think cunnilingus should be considered the basic act of sexuality. Many girls/women prefer getting oral sex since it helps them orgasm easier. However, as a male, I actually like cunnilingus more than intercourse since it can last so much longer and be so much more intimate. Other males I have talked to have also told me they far prefer cunnilingus, but are afraid to admit it since they think other guys will mock them for not being manly enough. These guys have told me cunnilingus is better since they don't have to worry so much about keeping an erection, making cunnilingus less stressful. So does anyone else agree with me that cunnilingus should be considered the main act of sex, with intercourse and blow jobs as secondary ones?
Posts: 4 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kachina
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Member # 42505

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Hi billgour,

You are correct that our culture puts undo importance on penis-in-vagina sex. And it does seem to be awfully penis-centered, like most things in our patriarchal society. I don't like the term "foreplay" myself due to the implication that it's not sex, or that it should come before the "real" sex, etc. For many people that will be the only sex they have, and not fore- at all!

Here at Scarleteen we consider all kinds of sex as "real sex" and don't think any one act is better or worse for everyone. People vary so much and we all have different things we like or consider our favorite. Not all women like cunnilingus, or like it the best, or may want it sometimes but not others, etc. Everyone is so different the best thing to do is talk with partners about what they like. If you and your sex partner think cunnilingus is your "main act" that is perfectly fine, and some people might consider their main act fellatio, or toy play, or fingering, or not want to pick any one type of sex as the "main" one at all.

[Edited to fix typos]

[ 08-13-2013, 04:18 AM: Message edited by: Kachina ]

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~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

Posts: 876 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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