Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Sexual Positions and "Power"?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Sexual Positions and "Power"?
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

Icon 1 posted      Profile for breath     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am sorry if this has been discussed here before, but I want to figure out how can or should one react when a "new" partner assumes a position that seems to be "dominant" or "of power"?

For example, during a one-off encounter,

I didn't really think about it since I was interested in the goods [Smile] and just enjoying myself, but in retrospect, as the performative partner on a male during oral sex, I noticed that he kind of kneeled over while I was laying down or in another instance, I was bending my head down while he was sitting with his legs open.

Normally, these body positions outside of sex context would feel / indicate somewhat of a power-imbalance between the participants. I didn't feel that during the act however.I wonder if I should be looking as the other person exterting their "power" over me in this sexual act and for future reference, speak up if I dont' like it....or should I just go with how I feel in the moment, even if it's nothing that I would be ok with outside of sexual context?

Posts: 357 | From: US | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 48638

Icon 1 posted      Profile for luanne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sex makes a lot of things comfortable and acceptable that normally might not be. There's nothing wrong as long as both partners are okay with it.


Posts: 69 | From: America | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 31388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Starfire&Shadows     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Also, a lot of positions in sex also have a lot to do with mechanics. In other words, what angles feel physically comfortable. And any given sex act, by itself doesn't have a power imbalance.

However, there are some positions that have "baggage" in our culture. And any person who's having sex can make it into a power thing. Even if it doesn't have to be.

But kneeling is also one of those positions that just "works" for certain things. Just like having a head with a 4-pointed star and a grippy-thing on the stick "works" for a screwdriver.


1. Do you feel like there's a feeling of unequal-ness.

2. Does it bother you?

We are all made of Star Stuff...
-Carl Sagan

...Their eyes beheld, first of all things, the stars of heaven.

Posts: 90 | From: Unknown | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

Icon 1 posted      Profile for breath     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
1. I didn't feel any feelings of unequal-ness, in fact, I didn't even notice it until much later, days after it happened, as I was reflecting.

2. It didn't bother me really. The partner said that he wanted to see my face and I was a bit shy/self-conscious etc.

Posts: 357 | From: US | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think Starfire&Shadows said what I would have here, which is that I think it's often problematic to assign levels of power to bodies and body positioning, all by themselves.

That said, though, sometimes certain body placements or positions might not feel right to a given person by those tokens, and they may find they feel more comfortable with a change in position. If you find that, for instance, this kind of positioning doesn't work for you, and makes a partner feel dominant when that's not the dynamic you want, you can always ask for a different position that doesn't have that effect.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3