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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Sexual Positions and "Power"?

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Author Topic: Sexual Positions and "Power"?
breath
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

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I am sorry if this has been discussed here before, but I want to figure out how can or should one react when a "new" partner assumes a position that seems to be "dominant" or "of power"?

For example, during a one-off encounter,

I didn't really think about it since I was interested in the goods [Smile] and just enjoying myself, but in retrospect, as the performative partner on a male during oral sex, I noticed that he kind of kneeled over while I was laying down or in another instance, I was bending my head down while he was sitting with his legs open.


Normally, these body positions outside of sex context would feel / indicate somewhat of a power-imbalance between the participants. I didn't feel that during the act however.I wonder if I should be looking as the other person exterting their "power" over me in this sexual act and for future reference, speak up if I dont' like it....or should I just go with how I feel in the moment, even if it's nothing that I would be ok with outside of sexual context?

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luanne
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Sex makes a lot of things comfortable and acceptable that normally might not be. There's nothing wrong as long as both partners are okay with it.

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Starfire&Shadows
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Also, a lot of positions in sex also have a lot to do with mechanics. In other words, what angles feel physically comfortable. And any given sex act, by itself doesn't have a power imbalance.

However, there are some positions that have "baggage" in our culture. And any person who's having sex can make it into a power thing. Even if it doesn't have to be.

But kneeling is also one of those positions that just "works" for certain things. Just like having a head with a 4-pointed star and a grippy-thing on the stick "works" for a screwdriver.

So,

1. Do you feel like there's a feeling of unequal-ness.

2. Does it bother you?

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-Silmarillion

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breath
Scarleteen Volunteer
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1. I didn't feel any feelings of unequal-ness, in fact, I didn't even notice it until much later, days after it happened, as I was reflecting.

2. It didn't bother me really. The partner said that he wanted to see my face and I was a bit shy/self-conscious etc.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think Starfire&Shadows said what I would have here, which is that I think it's often problematic to assign levels of power to bodies and body positioning, all by themselves.

That said, though, sometimes certain body placements or positions might not feel right to a given person by those tokens, and they may find they feel more comfortable with a change in position. If you find that, for instance, this kind of positioning doesn't work for you, and makes a partner feel dominant when that's not the dynamic you want, you can always ask for a different position that doesn't have that effect.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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