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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Waxing

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Author Topic: Waxing
NeoWings
Neophyte
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Do men truly prefer no hair down there or anywhere on a girl's body? If so, are there alternatives to waxing? I've never done it but I mean...ouch. Plus, laser's way too much money.
Posts: 6 | From: Miami, FL | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SnailShells
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http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/003629.html

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“I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.” --John Waters

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Since you put this in Ethics & Politics, Neowings, and since we really just are not the folks to talk about the cosmetic mundane with, do you want to have an in-depth conversation about beauty standards around women's body hair?

If so, we certainly can talk about that, and given how many young women we have come here asking what they should do with THEIR bodies based on what a given man -- and often not even that, but the nebulous idea of all men (and the even more odd idea that all men have the same taste, or that all men are unable to find women attractive based on how a given women likes to appear on her own terms) -- wants, it's certainly worth talking about.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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NeoWings
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Oh shoot, I didn't notice that FAQ, I'm sorry! ><; Anyway, that sounds like a very good idea to me Heather. I think a lot of women would appreciate that kind of conversation.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I agree with you.

So, where do you want to start?

It might be sound to talk about why you -- or anyone else with the same question -- is concerned about presenting any aspect of your appearance in a way that suits male preferences. Or we could perhaps talk a bit about all of our own personal preferences about a partner's appearance if and when we have them to help take a look at how very different those can be, as well as how likely for most of us it is that our preferences tend to be pretty mutable if we're people of any maturity or depth.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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NeoWings
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(sorry for the delay in response- I had finals on the 15th)
wow, deep stuff XD. Well, I guess I'm concerned because it seems to almost be the norm or the fad thing to do. Now, I'm not one to follow fads per se, but when it comes to an issue like this, I can't help but feel confused.

It's a very private matter, but what with the media being what it is today I guess I can't help but feel some sort of pressure to be bare down there, what with all the women you see nowadays with bare bikini lines and basically hairless bodies in general (not including hair and eyebrows, of course) get into a guy's head and ask if he cares either way unless I ask him, but I feel that since men see that sort of image of women all the time, they may come to expect it of actual women in real life-and if they don't they may be turned off or laugh.

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Heather
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What I'd think about, given what you said, is what kind of partner you really want to be with in the first place.

Do you want to be with someone who doesn't have the maturity yet to see real women, as unique as all of us are, and really appreciate exactly who we are, how WE look, how WE like to present ourselves? Or do you want to be with someone who hasn't evolved yet past the very juvenile place of dividing women into "types," or seeing us as two-dimensional, expecting media to match real life? Do you get what I'm talking about?

I think it can also help to go ahead and play a bit of pretend here. We know -- we do, from some study, and any of us who have had men close to us in this way who are people of some maturity, heart and intelligence -- that if and when men have preferences about how their partners look, it is all over the map. We also know that there are plenty of men who are capable of separating fantasy from reality and PREFER reality, and one based on what a woman they like or love looks like uniquely.

But, let's pretend all men DID want or prefer women to have their pubic hair removed, and all men were incapable of really treating women like real, whole people rather than sexual objects or projections of their own fantasies.

If that were so, what would that say about men, and what would that say about their ability to even really BE a sexual partner-with-a-capital-P, their ability to be having sex with YOU, rather than a projection? How do you think any of us might feel if and when a lot of the choices we make about how we present ourselves, how we express ourselves in our appearance, were primarily or solely about meeting someone else's standards? How might we feel about our own identities? Perhaps it's also sage to ask where the line gets drawn, and at what point it's gotten seriously bonkers?

(On a bit of a tangent, when I was young and first getting pubic hair, the fad with it involved a whole lot of VERY thick, bushy pubic hair. And there I was, with -- in part because of being a bit red-headed -- with this pretty sparse pubic hair, not really seeing myself in any of those presentations. Did it feel a bit odd? Yeah, it did. Now, it's not like one could add hair, so in a sense I feel lucky, because it wasn't like I drove myself nuts trying to figure out how to make more hair be there, since that was impossible. But I digress. Point is, someone my age has watched a world of fads like these, and I've watched them come and go often enough to know that a) there are no universal preferences and b) this stuff is about fashion, more than anything else, and trying to ride every whim of fashion tends to be a pretty costly, tiresome and fruitless endeavor.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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In afterthought, though I touched on it a bit already, I wanted to add from personal experience that I have found there is something extraordinarily powerful about a partner accepting your body physically just as it is, and in exactly the way YOU best like it, exactly the presentation that feels truest to you, like the best expression of YOU. For example, there's something really freaking cool when you experience a partner being very attracted to you when you first wake up in the morning, face puffy, hair a mess, teeth not even brushed yet that has always seemed to me far more interesting and big than that same acceptance when you've spent an hour getting all gussied up.

...and I just can't imagine -- and have never had the experience that -- being accepted based more on what someone WANTS you to look like, being closest to their projected ideal or image, could come anything close to that.;

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Idir
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I think this is a great webcomic on the subject:
clicky!

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I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

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hunnybunny888
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I have a lot of friends that like going bare down there, and I always find it kind of odd. I personally don't like the way it looks, and it's itchy when it grows back, so I don't do it. That being said, I have friends who like to do it because they think it makes the area more sensitive, that's cool too. Then I have friends that do it for their boyfriends. I have one friend that does it because she gets more oral sex that way. I've always found that kind of odd that she would put up with that.
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StrangePudding
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Idir, that was an awesome comic! Loved it!

hunnybunny, I kind of understand your friend wanting to wax because of the oral sex thing. I don't agree with it being a necessity, but I can see the logic. I personally have never waxed, but my boyfriend and I both trim because we've found that, for us, it makes oral sex a lot more pleasant for whoever's performing. We also enjoy the act of trimming each other.

I did run in to my boyfriend having the idea that all women were bare down there because of what he'd seen in porn. I don't blame him for thinking that, because he was genuinely surprised that I had hair. He's never pressured me to wax, but when I asked him if he'd like it if I did he was all for the idea. He always said it would help him 'see things better,' which I understand, and, again, make oral sex nicer. I'm sure the same would be true if he waxed. But, over time, we've found this medium of just trimming which, while it does sometimes get slightly itchy, puts neither of us in serious pain but still provides some of the benefits that no hair would.

I think it is true that if all men see is porn, they're likely to think that all women should be bare. And if the only women they get off to are the women in porn (or fantasies of women looking like women in porn), they may never realize that real women have hair and that can be sexy too. I mean, my boyfriend doesn't even like porn that much and he had those assumptions. I think the kind of guys you're going to run in to who think a women should be bare are probably inexperienced or immature guys. The experience you can always help out with [Wink] The maturity is out of your power

[ 12-17-2008, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: rosalinespork ]

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Idir
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Well, porn often gives people a slightly distorted image of sex compared with what one's gonna experience IRL.
People shouldn't forget that porn falls in the second category in the fiction/nonfiction binary [Razz]
However, it's terribly fun!

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I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

Posts: 84 | From: Algeria | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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