Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Bon Voyage, Virginity...?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Bon Voyage, Virginity...?
Member # 3877

Icon 5 posted      Profile for velocette     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Why hello, all!

Me and a few friends have been discussing our views on the whole virginity issue, particularly focusing on same-gendered sex. Here's the question: Say two women (or men) who are virgins have manual/oral sex... do you still think it's possible to retain your virginity? Or, in other words, are they still virgins or not?

I guess I'd have to say sex is sex, no matter what genders are involved. But then (here comes big, ole hypocrite me) if I were to have relations with another girl... I would be very hesitant to say that I'm no longer a virgin.

Do you think that there are certain degrees of virginity... like, you can have oral sex and still be a virgin, or do you think that it's all and all the same?

Hmm. I'm stumped.

You're So Disco! : My Online Diary

Posts: 81 | From: Hayward, California, USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The best thing I can add to this 9and mind you, I am not someone who supports the notion of virginity at all, in fact, I'm dead-set against it) is that the first time I had intimate sex with a guy did NOT feel quanititatively different, more intimate, what have you, than the first time I had sex with a woman.

And if "virginity" is something which means a big change in your sexuality, in your intimacy, in your growth, then surely if sex feels like sex feels like sex no matter what gender-partnership is happening, any difference is likely arbitrary.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 168

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PoetgirlNY     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It was this very question which made me reconsider my ideas of virginity. I was sitting around with myself(bi), one lesbian and 8 straight girls at camp a few summers ago. We were discussing the definition of virginity.

Most of the straight girls believed that when they had hetero intercourse it was/would be the end of their virginity.
So the lesbian said, "Well, what about me? I'm not going to have sex with a man." So the straight girls said, "Fine, then when you have sex with a woman, you won't be a virgin." I said, "And what defines sex with a woman?" The straight girls overwhelmingly agreed on oral sex as the definition of lesbian sex. So I said, "And what about me? When I have oral sex with a man, it won't count, but when I have oral sex with a woman, I'll have lost my virginity?"

So the gender of the person attatched to the mouth on my genitals determines the loss of my virginity? That's just too weird. Gender has little influence on how oral sex feels, so I don't think that should have anything to do with a culturally significant term. So I just decided to chuck that term out the window for my own use.

"I'll be a Venus on a chocolate clamshell rising on a sea of marshmallow foam."

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5858

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Maclawa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
in The Bible, i think that if you do anything sexual with anyone you are no longer a virgin, but i may be wrong
Posts: 16 | From: TO , Ontario | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Confused boy
Member # 1964

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Confused boy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The bible never refers to specific sexual practices at all! It nearly always says things like "lying in the bed of..." or something like that. It could mean anything and everything but the Bible is most certainly not a good guide on defining precisely what sex (intercourse or any other) is.

'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky

Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
momma cat
Member # 363

Icon 1 posted      Profile for momma cat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think virginity shouldn't be a noun. It should only describe one's relationship to a noun. Such as,
"I'm a virgin to giving oral sex" or
"I'm a virgin to genitals on genitals sex" or
"I'm a virgin to roller coasters"

The phrase "I'm a virgin" should be declared improper english and banned!

Posts: 155 | From: WA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1896

Icon 1 posted      Profile for alaska     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
*stands up*

"Hi, my name is Caro..and....I'm a virgin to roller coaster rides with loopings."

momma, I'll join that initiative!

~Scarleteen Sexpert~

"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise."
Alchemical Precept

Posts: 4526 | From: germany | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Clueless~Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Originally posted by Maclawa:
in The Bible, i think that if you do anything sexual with anyone you are no longer a virgin, but i may be wrong

If you believe hat to be the case, what exactly is "sexual"? I'm assuming you mean intercourse, but what about oral? Is that "sexual"? Yes? Okay, what about manual? Yes? Okay, what about fondling? Yes? Okay, what about just kissing? What about holding hands? Where exactly do you draw the line?

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Milke     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I, Milke, am a virgin to Linux, but am rather promiscuous with internet browsers and all forms of rollercoasters. And, guess what! I lost my DVD virginity last night to a rather versatile Playstation 2 and a mediocre music videos disk.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 4 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i am an operating systems harlot! been there, done them all!!!

but i am a virgin with respect to artichokes and pumpkin pie. never eaten either. but my guy is really pressuring me into those sorts of things, and i don't think i'm all that comfortable with the idea. pumpkin pies? i'm just not that kind of girl...

I bust my arse so that I can get somewhere in life, so why am I not there yet?

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Celtic Daisy
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2971

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Celtic Daisy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hehe, virginity is such a confusing't being a virgin to something just something you haven't done? Why can't ya just say that?

"i haven't had sex"
"i havne't had pumpkin pie(looks too gross for me, hehe)"
"i haven't been on a looping roller coaster"

Pshh...seems like if we just said that then no one would be so confused if they were a virgin in terms of sex...but then everyone would be asking what sex is defined as...

i'm getting all confuzzled and i'm tired...i betcha this post won't make any sense...

"where'ths my mommy?"

Akimsa (non-violence)


Posts: 1747 | From: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3