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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » One size...doesn't fit all.

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Author Topic: One size...doesn't fit all.
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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How well can you recognize that your sexual identity, relationships, orientation and preferences are yours alone, and are different -- not necessarily better -- than anyone elses? Can you be pretty objective or not?

It is easy for you to be tolerant and accepting of sexual diversity, or do you find it challenging. If so, how? Do you find yourself influenced by the level of tolerance in your friends, family, or community?

Often, it is harder for people who are in the thick of developing their own unique sexual identities to be toleranct and objective than it is for those who have had a lot of time and experience in developing their own. As young adults, do you find that to be the case for you or not?

And if so, how can you work past it?

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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I personally found it hard to "own my sexuality" at all for a very long time. It was difficult not to blend in with everybody else and not see myself as sexual at all. In high school, you weren't supposed to have any sexual feelings at all outside of even feeling sexual by yourself was considered a sin. Sexuality was something that magically appeared when you got your wedding ring. And we were basically taught to look at people who had pre-marital sex, or even considered it, as being cheap, etc. I never completely bought into the idea that I wasn't sexual, or that I had any business judging anybody. But it's still difficult to keep those things from influencing you at all, and it has taken me quite a while to become comfortable with my sexuality, and realize that yes, I still have issues, and it's ok.


"Am I nervous? Am I scared? Is it worth it? Should I even care? ...Man I like this guy, I really like him alot!"
~Pam Tillis, 'Please'

~*~9 days till M-day~*~

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Member # 2610

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I try extremely hard to be fair and non-judgemental about sexuality (and everything to do with sex) as a rule. I fail on occasion, but I really do try. I've managed to train myself mostly out of thinking I'm better than everyone else (I'm still working on it), and I try as much as I can to help confused people reach conclusions satisfying to them. I'm a peer counsellor, it's what I do.

I think most of my 'peacemaking' comes from within me. I have had no queer role models in my life, at all (no, not even Ellen...). The only gay friend I have is a guy, and our experiences don't match up at all. Like pretty much every major change that has ever happened to me, I brought this one about myself, went through it alone, and came out the other side a changed woman.

Another part of my personal quest for total openmindedness is that I hear about people like Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena and it hurts. I don't like that other people are that opposed to something I take for granted, and I really don't like that hate crimes like that could very easily happen to me, or my girlfriend, or any one of my remotely queer friends for the exact same reasons the perpetrators had in those cases. I don't want to continue that line of thinking by being a bullheaded idiot and saying that I'm better or more enlightened than anyone else because I prefer women to men.

And personally, while I'm pretty open and acceptiong about any sexual identity choices my friends make, I find it ironic that I'm deep in the closet around my entire family because of their blatant predjudices. Sigh...

Posts: 140 | From: Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2297

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I try to be accepting of everyone. I was watching Oprah today and they were reading their best letters. One was from a gay, black guy who's best friend was dying of AIDs (Benny). It was very sad. The day before the letter was to be read to Benny, he died. It was extremely sad, and his friend told the story of how Benny had helped him run for class president. The friend didn't think he could win because he was gay and black but Benny helped him and he won. I think it showws that even full of raging hormones, we can be non-prejudeced and accepting. People at my school mostly try to be accepting but most admit that if their best friend came out to them they would stop having sleepovers. I guess people really do fear what they don't understand.

Winnie :0)

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Member of GAWS

Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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