I'm in my first year at University and I'm finally starting to get a grip on things, but one thing eludes me: making friends.
Its not that I haven't made friends, I have friends (sort of). But not close ones, not ones I can talk to about the things I talk(ed) to my high school friends about.
So, how do I take those friendly acquaintances from class and become friends with them? If this was elementary school, I would ask them if they wanted to come over to my house to play and the friendship would develop (or not) along those lines. I'm very used to my friendships happening in that, and other ways created by the structure of the elementary and secondary schools.
If I was in high school, I would hang out with someone at lunch to become their friend, and sit with them in class if we had classes together (and we totally would, class is the place I met friends in high school: that and through other friends).
Beyond that, I'm used to friendships 'just happening'. I don't know how to make them happen. I don't know how to translate my elementary and high school knowledge of making friends into the university environment.
It should be noted that I haven't ever found making friends easy, indeed I find it to be one of the greast challenges of life. It wasn't ever easy in elementary and high school.
At university, everyones schedules are wildly different, and there isn't just one cafeteria, so simply going and sitting with someone at lunch isn't a viable option.
To be a bit more specific about what brings me here: in one of my classes (actually at the tutorial) there is a girl I have been talking to as we have sat close together a few times and she seems really nice. I want to get to know her better and feel like it could develop into a friendship.
And in a lab, there is another person I have worked with as lab partners twice who I seem to have a lot in common with and get along with. I'd also like to get to know her outside of class.
But I'm just not sure what to do: ask them to hang out? All I can think of makes it seem like I'm asking them out on a date, which even though I'm not and they wouldn't necessarily think that I was, makes me feel totally awkward about the whole thing and makes me as nervous as IF I WAS asking them out.
So, how on Earth can I go about this? I'm pretty comfortable interacting with them in class/labs but I have no idea how to translate that into a non-curricular context.
Thanks for reading and any advice would be really, really appreciated.
Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009
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One thing that always helped me feel less like I was, like you said, asking people on a date (seriously, I could have written this word for word last year) was picking something I wanted to do anyway and then asking whoever if they'd like to join. "So did you hear about that play they're writing and performing all in 24 hours? I'm really intrigued; think I might go." And then if they seem interested, it's a lot less weird to ask if they'd like to join you.
Also, if a class is around a mealtime, it feels pretty natural to ask someone in it if they'd like to get said meal with you after.
-------------------- ~Bee o( l l )- Posts: 24 | From: Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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