Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » Time to let of a friend ( It's a long story) ?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Time to let of a friend ( It's a long story) ?
PinkyPieStarshine
Neophyte
Member # 108560

Icon 11 posted      Profile for PinkyPieStarshine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
t's a long story, but I need unbiased answers. I've gone through this once with another old friend. Please help me out [Frown]

Well we used to be best friends when our friendship started out junior year of high school(2009-2010), but then she started to change now - our Junior year of college.

The changes I believe happened between us are because of a mutual guy friend. She decided she wanted to date him senior year(2011)- and he led her on and stuff- and then broke her heart.

Earlier this year I transferred to a university for my own betterment, and apparently she was bitter/ (jealous?) about it because she wanted to go there originally- I did not know that until a mutual friend told me. Bu


Then she started basically ignoring me after she discovered that the mutual guy friend of ours whom she liked - was actually interested in dating me during the time she was pursing her. 3 years later. I knew about it then- but I turned him down and never mentioned it to her as I was waiting for the right time. Up until this years she still wouldn't let him go emotionally.

When I started dating my boyfriend , who I've been with 2 years, she got even more resentful. I have no freaking idea why is why i mention it. I've had a lot of really dysfunctional ones- but he's been nothing but a major blessing.

I've been inducted to a few honor societies for good grades as well over the last 2 years- but she just insulted me every time I invited her. I didn't invite her to rub anything in- but because I thought she'd be happy for me coz she was my friend and used to encourage me in school. once upon a time that is.


Earlier this summer she flat out told me, verbatim, " I have had jealously issues of you but I know your awesome so I try to overlook it".I really see nothing about me to be jealous about period. i compliment her every chance I get, I reach out to her every chance I get, like every 2-3 days, but she just ignores me more.

I start going through a few serious issues earlier this year with depression and other things ( nothing too serious for a 21 y.o mind you) but she seemed to almost enjoy it. She came around a bit more but never helped me out or gave a single encouraging word in the long 6-7 months. not even an apathetic " It'll be OK".


Now she almost downright hates me , and it hurts because I've honestly can't think of a single thing I've done wrong to her. ever. I've even asked, many times, but she always just says "nothing". I've even tried to arrange face to face talks with mutual friends of heeerr choice, but she always just got mad.

No encouraging words, no compliments, she's avoided my birthday dinners for the past 3 years- and wont even mail me a card though I never fail to send her one when she never invites me, doesn't want to be seen in public with me unless we bring extra people ( which started occurring this present year)


Is it just time to let it go? If so, how?
I really do miss the friendship we had- but there's just nothing else I can think of to do.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think one of the hardest parts of life are when long term relationships change or people outgrow each other, or something just pushes us apart.

What I am hearing from you here is that even though this friend has owned her issues with you in some ways, she's not really been acting like a friend to you, and the relationship feels very one-sided for you at this point. I also hear you saying that you still feel a lot of a acrimony from and around her, and that the friendship isn't feeling like it is offering you anything anymore besides those hard feelings. Does that all sound about right?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PinkyPieStarshine
Neophyte
Member # 108560

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PinkyPieStarshine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Very much so. Like I just can't do anything right. It bothers me more because i went through an almost identical situation a few years ago with another friend. I hate losing friends. they're all special to me. I still currently have friends from elementary school actually [Frown]
Posts: 20 | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I understand.

Generally, I'd say that in life we're probably going to have at least as many friendships end or fizzle out as those we will sustain, even when we try very hard. People simply change through life, and we can fit together at one time of life and just not in another. Even when nothing happens at all, let alone when there is conflict.

It sounds to me like you're probably in the spot, then, where you need to decide if you want to make one more attempt at repairing things and really being heard by this friend per how you feel, and how she has been treating you OR just walk away now, being done with this entirely.

What sounds best to you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PinkyPieStarshine
Neophyte
Member # 108560

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PinkyPieStarshine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think I'll just walk away. I have tried manyy times over phone, and in person - and she seems to not even give me a reason why other than things I can't change or refuse to change, i.e my face, pretty good grades, and university of choice.

It's just so hard.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Sep 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, just what feels like the best next move to you where, obviously, none of your choices are going to make you very happy, especially not at first.

I would also say that one of the most important things friends, or anyone close, offers each other is support in feeling good about themselves and their strengths. If someone in our lives is making us feel bad about things we are good at, we can know that's probably no good for us and that relationship is not at all likely to be a good one.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3