Ok, so I my dads been gone since spring, before my college classes even ended (I'm 17 btw) and I held it together, even when my girlfriend left me right after my dad moved out, which was the same night my parents announced their separation. Fast forward a while and my best friend's (Who I've been in love with for a long time)relationship has been going south and their's not much I can do because no matter how many times out other friend gave him a reasonable argument,he just wont leave her. It got too the point where my friend had to lie that they broke up to keep everyone else off his back. Now he's come out that their still dating and now my friends aren't speaking to each other. And now I'm lying to my best friend that I support his relationship just because I can't stand the thought of losing him. And a few months ago my mom wanted to donate blood at my college while we where there registering. Now my ex donated blood ALOT so this gave me some memories of her that I just wanted to leave behind, I kept refusing to donate blood and it got to the point where I almost got into a screaming match with my own mother in a college campus parking lot. That was a month ago, now I barley leave the house, I just sit at home, up til 3-4am, either watching how I met your mother off netflix or watching porn. Finally it got to the point where tonight I tried to chat up Evie (The one Ai chat thing that's kinda like cleverbot) when I finally realized: I. Am. Pathetic. I can't even get over my first real girlfriend, I cant completely deal with the fact my dad's moved out, I still cant talk to attractive people and I barley get so much as a passing glance, hell, I cant even remember what sex feels like. Some days I'm not sure what I need more: A boyfriend/girlfriend or a therapist. I've hit a wall with my life and am basically praying that going to college starting Monday and actually socializing will help me just get over it. If that doesn't work, I have a feeling i'm going to be alone for a very long time. Thanks for listening to my somewhat pathetic tale. It's appreciated.
Aw, pyro, that sucks! If it helps, there is a song my first boyfriend played for me that I *still* can't listen to 6 years after we broke up because he played it basically to tell me that he was cheating on me. Thankfully, it's not a song that I run into often, but it can be really, really hard to get over a significant other when there's something that you have closely associated with them, and that doesn't make you pathetic.
None of this does, really. You're in a crappy situation; none of what has happened around you has been entirely (or even at all) your fault. Your dad made his own choice to leave, and no matter what he says, that's not your fault. Your friend made his choice to keep dating someone you (and a lot of other people, it sounds like) don't like, and that's not your fault. You have fresh memories of an ex tied to another very unhappy moment in your life, and that's not your fault; you couldn't control that timing. It's understandable that you're in quite the funk, and, if I may be so bold, you're pretty young to be handling all this, and with college, to boot!
You need time to process all of this (seriously, I'm a firm believer in just wallowing for a while when bottling it up is the alternative--the panic attacks the latter has led to were not fun), and maybe, if you're still feeling down, a therapist might help, and there's no shame in that if that's something that you feel will help you. Personally, I'd try to say away from "I need a relationship" right now, though. You've got a lot on your plate to process. But hey, that's me and not you. You are free to do as you see fit. Just remember that you. Are. NOT. Pathetic.
Just wanted to attempt a bit of a pick-me-up, as I know that's something I could've used when going through rough times.
Posts: 81 | Registered: Apr 2012
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Thanks Sour, I think this is what I really needed. I'm heading out to try and get accepted into classes today and you gave me the strength I need to get out of bed this morning. Really, thank you so much.
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