Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » Doctor's Appointment

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Doctor's Appointment
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey all. Most of this isn't related to what you cover on Scarleteen, but if anyone has time and is willing to pitch in I'd really appreciate it.

I have a doctor's appointment this Thursday, and will have one every Thursday for the short term future as my doctor is removing some warts from my hand and this needs to be done every week. This is giving me a great opportunity to ask her some questions about my body that I have and it also means that if I chicken out I can wait a week to ask her.

So, I want to ask her about gynecological exams, when I should start and if I should schedule one. But I thought I'd ask on here first, what age are you supposed to start these appointments at? I'm not longer sexually active but I have participated in manual sex and kissing before with one partner who has done this things (but nothing else) with another partner before me. I will be 18 soon. I don't have any concerns with my reproductive health care other than whether I should be having it checked out or not. Any thoughts?

The big thing I want to ask her though is about my mental health. I'm very scared that I might be showing the first signs of depression or bipolar disorder. These things are both very common in my family and I really don't want to ask my parents about them. Although my parents are very open about their mental health (or pretty open about the history of it, maybe not about how they are doing with it that given day) but still I am scared to talk to them about it. It's kind of how I was afraid to come out to them, there was no real basis for the fear, but I am just too afraid to tell them.

So my family doctor is certainly who I would recommend someone in my position talk to, but here's the thing: I really don't like my doctor. She treats me like a child and I don't think she's very good at what she does. She certainly isn't somebody that I feel comfortable opening up to. And telling someone that you are afraid you might be mentally ill is kind of a big deal. I really just want her to be able to help me out with this. I just need to know.

Does anyone have any advice about how to talk to her about this? Switching doctors isn't an option, so it's really her or no one. Does anyone know from experience what she might say to me? Would she refer me to someone else?

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HI Moonlight,

I know that the most recent recommendations on when to start gynecological exams state that they should start at 21, regardless of sexual activity. What I don't know (and should find out) is if these recommendations are specific to the U.S., or are international. So, I suggest telling your doctor that you want to make sure you do what you need to for your sexual health care and want to know when she recommends starting yearly gyn exams.

In terms of mental health, it certainly can be tricky to talk to someone that you aren't comfortable with. What are you afraid your doctor's reaction might be?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Robin, thank you for your response. I will ask her about the gynecology stuff.

I don't really have any idea what her reaction would be and that's what scares me. I'm just afraid that whatever her reaction is, I won't really know whether or not she right if she tells me if she thinks there is anything going on with me. I don't really trust her opinion. I guess you could say I'm afraid of the unknown. That's probably not a very good reason to not talk to her, but it's what's holding me back.

I guess I'm also a bit scared that she might say I do have a mental illness. I know it's silly to be afraid of that, the only thing that would change is that I would not for sure and could stop wondering, and could even get help if I do. But that's another thing I'm afraid of.

I'm also sort of afraid of asking and her saying I don't. There's a few reasons for this: first of all if she says I don't then it means that feel like there's a cloud over me and feeling like doing nothing whatsoever, feeling like very little is enjoyable most of the time, it means that this is completely healthy and that there is nothing I can do to stop it, that feeling like this is something I can expect for the rest of my life because it's just part of being me. I know the same could be said if I were diagnosed with anything, but at least with that I could try to treat it. There really isn't any treatment for being mentally health though. The other reason I'm scared of her saying that there's nothing wrong is that I don't want to feel stupid, or like I was appropriating mental illness because I was feeling a bit down. I really just don't want to feel like I'm stupid because I can't even tell if I'm mentally healthy.

But the thing with that is that mentally ill or not, this is my only experience of mental health so I don't really have a yard stick to measure it against.

I hope that answers your question.

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
HI Moonlight,

Well, when talking to medical professionals about anything, all we can really do is report what we're experiencing, for how long we've experienced it, how it bothers us, and hope that they know what questions to ask after that. It's unlikely that in one conversation with your doctor she would decisively say whether you do or don't have a mental illness. If she did either of those things after talking to you for just a few minutes, I'd strongly suggest you seek a second opinion. IN other words, if your doctor's response doesn't feel appropriate, you don't have to take her word as law and decide you just have to put up with how you're feeling without investigating it further.

Remind me: are you still in high school? If not, are you in university or college?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
moonlight, I don't think you're appropriating anything about mental illness. If we're feeling at all like something might not be quite right with our mental or physical health, then asking a doctor about it is exactly the right kind of thing to do. You're also definitely not stupid for not being able to tell: for starters, I don't think there's one clear dividing line between no-mental-illness and mental-illness, and also, too often when there Is something wrong, by the time that that's obvious, the person is more ill than they needed to get. You're being wise and aware here, not stupid.

I think it's very natural to be scared when we think we might have any kind of illness. It's ok to be scared. Most of us would rather not have any kind of illness, but quite a lot of us - humans in general - get landed with some kind of illness at some point in our lives. We kind of have to roll with the punches, as it were. Which definitely sucks big-time to start with, but tends to suck a lot less once we figure out how we can best work with it all. I think with mental health, the really tough stuff tends to happen when it's an unmanaged mental health problem. So, very-big-If you did have any mental illness, you being able to be aware of it and address it in the way you're intending is very good news indeed.

Also, if you don't have any diagnosable mental health problem, please don't be scared about being stuck feeling the way you are. There are ways of tackling that kind of "grey" feeling, so you're definitely not doomed to it, no matter what the eventual outcome with the doctors is.

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1786 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Robin: thank you for your response. I am in high school, but will be in University next year.

Redskies:

Thank you. What you said makes me feel a lot better. And I get what you're saying about there not being as clear of demarcation lines around this as there is a general tendency to think that there is. I guess, really, I don't even care if there is anything to diagnose just that I'm not feeling quite right and I want to figure out why.

I guess I just don't know how to bring this up with my doctor. Any ideas?

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So here's what I've been trying to post:

I am so happy! I told my doctor and she refered me to a person (therapist, physciatrist, I'm not sure really what she is) and asked me a few questions.

I won't be able to see her until January, at least that's what my doctor says. I haven't been called by the other doctor's office. And it's completely free of charge to me (yay canadian health care!) So I don have to worry about that either.

I had a really good day today and I think its because I will finally have a therapist to talk to, however many times I am able to talk to her before I go to university. I can sort of put the idea of whether or not I have any diagnosable problem with my mental health on the back burner because I know it will be dealt with and focus on feeling better.

Thank you for all of your help, it really helped me to finally decide to talk to my doctor.

EDIT: Oh awesome it worked. I'm adding more to this post right now.

Okay, so I first tried to post that last Friday and I have a few more thoughts since then.

I still haven't told my parents about any of this. They know that I was seeing my regular doctor, but not about the fact that I'm concerned about my mental health and that I will be going to see someone to talk to about it.

The sense of fear that I get about telling them is the same fear I had before I came out to them. I know they will be upset that I didn't tell them sooner but this is one of the things that makes me delay telling them!

But I'm still glad that I will be able to speak to this person and can't wait until her office calls to set an appointment.

[ 12-09-2012, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Moonlight,

I'm really glad you're getting the support you need. Thanks for telling us, and I'm sorry it was so hard to post this. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey again,

Even though I've been refered to a therapist, the therapist's office hasn't called me yet. When I last spoke to my doctor she said that if it got to be two weeks into January and I hadn't been contacted then I should call her (my family doctor) to let her know. I will probably just wait until I make another appointment with my doctor though since the original medical thing (warts) that I went to the doctor for is still not resolved. So, maybe I should talk to my doctor on the phone, but there's a few reasons I don't want to: first the phone has no message taking capacity, just a message telling you to call back during office hours, which means that I have to call during school hours (but I have to anyway to make another appointment), second I'm kind of afraid to as to talk to the doctor, I've only ever talked to her receptionist, third, if I talk to them about that I have to be alone or else people will know why that I have suspicions I'm mentally ill. And that last one sounds really bad, but at the very least if I can only be truthful with this to people online I'm going to be truthful that it is something I'm hiding from my family (and everyone else except the doctor so far although I'm really dying to tell my friend about it but haven't had a chance). I don't know why I'm hiding it but I just don't like telling people important things like this.

Anyway, I just wanted to come back on here to update and see if anyone with free time had any support, I really need it right now. But I know this isn't scarleteen's focus, and I don't expect volunteers or staff to reply and if I'm overstepping any bounds please let me know.

So, I know that self diagnosing or getting diagnosed by people who aren't experts or online self assesment quizzes, generally is bad for just about everything, but until I get connected to the therapist it's really all I've got. So today a friend kindof suggested that I have obsessive compulsive disorder because I was complaining about something not being even and about how things are better when they are a certain way (it was the sitting arrangement of people) (oh and this isn't the same friend I want to talk to about this stuff). I dismissed his suggestion since one incident and his lack of expertise certainly didn't add up to a diagnosis, but I have wondered about having OCD before. I check ny locker lock multiple times or else fight it, but it takes work and naggs at me, even if I've checked). Its the same thing with door locks, lights, really anything one can forget to do. Yet at the same time I also forget to turn on the dishwasher and washing machine. These are the things that have made me think about it before, but doingresearch online I found other symptoms that completely describe what I experience: counting stuff all the time, needing to make things even or a certain way (I feel this need with some stuff, but not other stuff), being afraid that if you don't do something or do it your family will come to harm even though that thing won't actually have any effect, excessive fear of dangers (I fear intruders in the house to the point I often get scared here alone and can't always go to the basement alone), keeping certain stuff organised I realise is a big one with me, I don't feel uncomfortable unsetting or setting certain settings on electronics (ie the equlibrium on an mp3).

I also think I have depression, but I don't really feel like going into the details of that.

I need some support and I think my friend may be able to give me some support until I have my first doctor's appointment, does anyone have advice on how to ask her to talk alone? (Time isn't an issue, but getting her away from our other friends to talk to her is). I won't become dependant on her for support, I just want to see if it's viable to have her as part of my support network because right now I just feel so alone.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. (Also, although this sounds dire and sometimes feels that way I am still functionning,although my homework skills have been impacted)

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey, moonlight.

Just posting this to let you know that I might be the only one around today staff-wise, and I'm afraid this is just outside my ken. I also am absolutely not comfortable suggesting a psych diagnosis for someone, so I just can't speak to that.

But you say that you have really wanted to talk to a certain friend: might you be able to figure out a way to do that, if not in person, via a phone call, at least? A call or text could also be the easy way to ask her if you could get some alone-time with her.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hello Heather, thank you for responding, it feels good to know that someone has read what I wrote. I'm not asking for a psyc diagnosis, that isn't something anyone can give me on here.

And I may send her a message, that is a good idea. I'm kind of scared to, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I'm just kind of scared of asking her in advance of seeing her. (Embarassingly, I don't have her phone number, even though she's my best friend, I'm just too scared to ask her for it).

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This might be a stupid question, but can I ask why you don't have your best friend's phone number? Does she have yours? What about email, anything like that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's not a stupid question. I have her on facebook and see her at school, plus I know her home phone number (which it seems weird to call since she has a cell, plus callings not an option until tomorrow, otherwise my family will overhear me and I'll have to explain all of this to them which I just don't feel ready to do), I don't have her cell number though. I guess it's because she's never given it to me and I've never asked for it. I just feel afraid of her not wanting to give it to me, even though if she's really my best friend that shouldn't happen. "Best friend" is kind of a loaded term for me, even though I use it, see I have a lot of trouble truly connecting to people and despite being firends with my group of friends for 4 years (and some more) I still feel like an outsider. So although she's my best friend, she and I aren't as close as my childhood bedt friend and I were, and it really feels more like I'm just a bit closer to her than what I feel like the "good friend" label would fit, but that I'm so distant from my other friends and just feel so gosh darn inadequate that this girl is the closest friend I have, and so I call her best friend. Sometimes I don't feel like really have any friends at all, just a group of people I spend time with at school. They all have a lot of common interests, and I really don't have much in common with them.

I don't really know whether or not she considers me her best friend, I think she might, but she might not and I'm too embarassed to ask.

So yeah, I get why you're confused, it's all pretty complicated. Maybe I make it more complicated than it needs to be but I don't make it hard on purpose, it just sort of happens because I get afraid of being judged.

Also, she only got a cell phone about 3-6 months ago, so maybe I will ask her for her number.

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, can I suggest that perhaps not doing things like asking for her cell number might be part of why she doesn't feel as close as you'd like? I mean, in order for people to get close, everyone's got to play ball, if you follow.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That makes sense. Except what stops me is wondering why she didn't tell me it. I know she could be feeling the very same way.

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I feel like, "Hey, here's my phone number," and "Hey, what's your phone number?" are pretty equivalent things, save that we usually only do give people our number when they ask for it, in my experience.

So, I'd say chances are, she probably didn't give it to you because you didn't ask, so she assumed you didn't want it or already had it somehow.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know what? That makes a lot of sense. [Smile]

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I told my parents everything about my fears that i may have depression and I am so happy. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Instead of spending my effort on worrying about telling them, I can spend it on figuring out what is going on and fixing any issues.

It feels amazing to have my support network for this grow. I have not told my best friend (although guess what, I did get up the courage to ask her for her number, albeit not in person) but I no longer feel the need to (I may, but it no longer feels imperative).

Thank you so much for all of your help. Is it alright if I keep updating if it seems relevant, or would you rather I not so that the site doesn't get clogged up by things not relating to sex ed?

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3