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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » Not sure what to do if anything?

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Author Topic: Not sure what to do if anything?
I love Life
Neophyte
Member # 45078

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Hi all, my sister and I and all our friends love your site by the way [Smile]

Okay, so i am home from uni for the hols, my parents run a hotel and there is a guest i am a bit worried about.

This lady checked in and i don't know....

Sorry, i'm not making a lot of sense!

This lady has checked in and she is worrying me. She sits on the beach near the high cliffs all day (it is snowing here and has been for 4 days)

She comes back late in the evening but i know she doesn't sleep as i see her on the balcony on and off in the middle of the night having a cigarette, she then goes out around 7am and sits back on the beach.

She doesn't come for breakfast but i saw her face to face earlier and she looks dreadful.

I went in her room to clean it and put clean towels out (i had not read the booking form and didn't realize she has requested for this not to be done so quickly went and put the old towels back LOL), but she had some strange sayings written in her room and it worries me.

Not worries me like i'm scared, she smiled at me this morning and doesn't bother anyone.

I really don't know what i am asking here, should i approach her to see if she is okay? I walked by her three times yesterday on the high cliff and i dont think she realized anyone was even near her.

I'm just worried here guys that this woman is really hurting with something and would hate to think i did nothing to help her. My Dad tells me to not bother her and people come her for a break (what do dad's know eh!)

Posts: 7 | From: Uk, Near the sea! | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm not sure I understand how this is related to what we do at Scarleteen? Is there a sexuality issue in this I'm not getting?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67115 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
I love Life
Neophyte
Member # 45078

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Sorry Scarleteen, you are right there isn't really!

It was the most obvious place to come as you are all like Auntie's to us all, but actually not the right place as i can see now [Embarrassed]

Thanks.

Posts: 7 | From: Uk, Near the sea! | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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How about I just move this to a different section? I can put it in It's All About You: more general topics go there. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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I love Life
Neophyte
Member # 45078

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If thats okay with you, thankyou.
Posts: 7 | From: Uk, Near the sea! | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Moved, it is.

I think your father has the best advice. Sometimes, we go somewhere to have time alone and privacy. She may be there because she's processing something tough, but this is a hotel guest.

However, if when you see her, you simply give her a smile, say hello, and have open body language, that might certainly make her feel able to ask for help or support if she wants that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67115 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
I love Life
Neophyte
Member # 45078

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Worries over, this woman has checked out just now. I think i was just worried for her mental health. Think i need to stop over analazing things!

Thanks Scarleteen [Smile]

Posts: 7 | From: Uk, Near the sea! | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
I love Life
Neophyte
Member # 45078

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Thanks Heather, she wasn't due to check out until tomorrow but i asked her (feeling brave here) if she enjoyed her stay and she said she did and that she was going to ride a bit further up the coast.

She said it was just what she needed, time away from the world, then she just sort of smiled, a real smile if you know what i mean. Aw i think you are right, probably processing something tough - probably tougher than i would know, and its hard sometimes to see people having a tough time and seeing how tired she looked and weathered from being out in this weather all day.

This lady overheard me talking about Uni to another guest and she even asked me what i was studying. Just wish i had spoken to her the other day rather than just observing and worrying. Take it as a lesson learnt eh!

Thanks Heather

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Heather
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Oddly enough, I have a friend in the UK who gave herself a getaway to process some really tough stuff this weekend. Unlikely to be the same person, but I'm sure the way you approached anyone in that position, based on what you described, was just fine.

Sometimes, when we're out on our own like that, we really do want privacy, but someone just being pleasant to us like you were, without directly asking if we're okay (which can be invasive) is exactly the right thing.

Nice you had the concern, regardless. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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I love Life
Neophyte
Member # 45078

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She didn't seem phased by me asking her if her stay was ok, and i didn't ask her directly if she was okay, so looks like i did right for her.

I think you are right and it was maybe just privacy she needed, when she checked in we asked as we do all guests if she wanted access to the wi-fi or to take messages, and she said then no body knew she was here so there would be no messages (only just remembered that).

You can't worry about people when they leave can you, else you would always be worrying! It's just hard i think to see someone so deep in thought and pained especially around the holiday season and spending all this time on their own just staring out to sea or walking by the sea in this freezing weather and smoking all night on the balcony and drinking coffee (cool woman though, bought her own fair trade coffee instead of our hotel rubbish!)

I watched her get into her car and worried if she would make it further up the coast, i can't explain it, she wasn't like the "average woman", and i know that is a statement that i shouldn't make but i mean she was probably middle thirties, jeans and jumper girl, not anoffice type girl (honestly not stereotyping here, only way i can explain it).

Tell me to let her go Heather!

Posts: 7 | From: Uk, Near the sea! | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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As someone who works with people in crisis all the time, pretty much every day, I understand how hard it is to let go of concern about people who are (or appear to have been) in crisis, who you interact with, and then who go away, knowing you will not likely hear from them again.

But you can't hold on to all of them too much: you'd drive yourself nuts with worry. You just do the best by them you can when you do interact, and remind yourself that's what you did, send a little wish out to the world wishing them well, and let go as best you can.

P.S. Lots of us in our 30's and 40's wear jeans and sweaters and not office attires. Especially when we're not working at an office! [Razz]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67115 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
I love Life
Neophyte
Member # 45078

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I understand what your saying Heather, especially running this site and i suppose not hearing from people once the immediate crisis is over, and yeah, you would worry yourself nuts and thats even when you know what kind of crisis's people have - i have no idea what kind of stuff this woman was dealing with, what am i like eh!

I understand you with the office attire [Smile]

Thanks Heather and i will send a little wish out, maybe send it out to sea as she was moving on up the coast.

Hope your friend managed to work some the issues through with their weekend away.

Thanks Heather, top Auntie [Smile]

Posts: 7 | From: Uk, Near the sea! | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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