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Author Topic: Partners and perfection?
ThisGuy
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Member # 968

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(On a side note, my fiance is currently browsing the boards for the first time. This is a great way for me to get some Brownie points! YAY!)

My fiance is everything I ever wanted, I think. She's beautiful, funny, utterly insane. We can talk for hours about serious stuff, or just make farty noises and toilet jokes. Those are the things I love about her, but there are some things which aren't so perfect to me. I won't discuss those, of course - I value my testicles!

Whatever we think of them - however we idealise them, our partners are most emphatically people. They are human, like us and those around us. (Excepting our pets of course - they're much much better. As a local band put it: "Dogs are the best people" )

Being human means one key thing, to me:
Everyone has defects. Everyone has weaknesses.

The obvious counterpoint to this is that everyone has their strengths, as well. This isn't a problem - its not hard to love someone's strengths. Its the weaknesses that are harder to deal with.

Simply put, how do you deal with the former?

I've seen relationships fall to pieces because - even though a couple loves each other - they fight constantly. The negatives grew to outweigh the positives.

Do you idealise him/her? Do you deny the existence of any flaws? Is your partner perfection incarnate?

Do you concentrate on the negatives and try to change them, or nag about them? Are you trying to make your partner into the image of what you think they should be?

Do you accept his/her humanity? Are you able to accept your loved one's personality, flaws and all? Is the relationship more to you than just a simple subtraction of weaknesses from strengths?

In short, can you accept or even embrace your partner for who he or she is, rather than what you want them to be? Its a terrible burden to be considered perfect.

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ThIs Is AnNoYiNg!!!!!!
8u+ +H1z 1Z R3311Y r3311y @nN0y1nG!!!!!!!!

You vil use ze condoms, or ve vil use ze hot poker!


Posts: 915 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Member # 1679

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Somebody once said, "We come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly." I suppose that's my policy.

~KittenGoddess

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"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
~Lynda Barry


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
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I'm not currently with anyone, but there's a perfect friend I wish I was with. I think the major problem is because people see their partners as perfect, they expect everyone else to see them being perfect. And they expect them to be perfect. You forget that they're human and that causes problems.

My problem with relationships? I pick the bad boys/girls, the ones on prozac, the ones in therapy, the ones with bad grades - thinking that I can fix them. In the end I usually relapse and become depressed and/or my self injuring aspect gets a lot worse and wish my partner would give me some of their prozac (I'm kidding, even I know how bad that could end up). But seriously.

Right now I don't know what I want out of my relationships, I keep changing my mind, I don't know what I would want out of a partner and I don't know what I want of myself. So I'm sticking with just being friends. I get great hugs, shoulders to cry on, I can flirt with them and tease them, but it's okay to do what I want when I need to.

Now that I've babbled without making a point I'll let you come to your own conclusions.

Brittany

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I'm the good girl that everyone thinks is a bad girl pretending to be a good girl :D


Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
deegurl143
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boy do i know that partners aren't perfect....well at least NONE of mine have been! but i'd have to say that my current bf is the closest i'm going to get.

picture this...you think a person is the MOST ANNOYING person in the world, they hear "go home!" all the time from you. one day you hold a 3-4 hr conversation with them about everything. 2 yrs later you want to spend the rest of your life with them and no other. that's how i fell for my bf.

point of that story is..to me my bf is the closest to perfect i'll find, but 2 yrs ago i would've begged to differ! it's funny how a person can do that to you...i mean my bf (as well as i) have MANY flaws. in fact we have a lot of the same ones which causes fights, but we realize those fights are stupid and shouldn't get the better of us.

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~*GoDdEsS oF lOvE aNd BeAuTy*~

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JaMeS & DoReEn 4eVeR
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Gumdrop Girl
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Everyone is flawed. This i know.

how do I deal with it? the same way i deal with all the rest of the things about the world and life that suck: equanimity.

I find that if I just stay tolerant of things and just try to stay level-headed, i can deal with most anything. I admit, it's not the greatest tactic, but it works for me.

There are certain things over which my boyfriend and i clash, particularly, his propensity to recreationally smoke marijuana. I hate it, but he won't quit for me, so I set a limit. I asked him to not smoke with me around and not be high when he sees me. If he does not comply, I pitch a fit.

That's about it, really. Other than that, he's everything i could ever want and more. He falters once in a while, but we all do -- that's to be expected.

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Maurice! Bring in the albinos! muwahahahahaha!!!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ErinK
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I was talking about this with one of my partners, actually, and we both agreed that we wouldn't want to try and change our partners, or ask them to change for us, unless it was something so major that we really couldn't see the relationship surviving without it. Even then, it would really have to be the other person's choice to change.

I love my partners because of their imperfections, because their imperfections make them who they are. That doesn't mean that they don't drive me crazy, but that I can accept that the imperfections are part of them.

Fixing people very rarely works, as much as I sometimes wish I could.


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