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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Pregnancy Scares » Too indirect?? (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Too indirect??
Shiloh2345
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Okay guys im really sorry i didnt know if i needed to create a new thread from my old one so i just decided to, but i finally got over my scares about what happened with the manual sex,

so like an hour ago my boyfriend and me were talking and we decided it would be a good idea to have oral sex again just so my last bad experience wasnt fresh in my mind.

i washed my hands and everything!! (this was my worry from manual sex in my last post)

however, he was cleaning me off because the semen got lower down towards my belly button, i still had my pants on so i pulled them back for him to just make sure there was no ejaculate anywhere close to my pubic area or anything,

however i didnt realize that he used the same hand to touch me down by my pubic area as he did to wipe the rest of me off, so im really terrified that he had gotten ejaculate on his hands from the t shirt he used to clean off the semen from my upper body (because there was a lot), so now im afraid that semen could have gotten down close to my pubic area from his hand.

would this be way way way to indirect? my logical brain says yes, but my crazy brain says what if there was enough ejaculate to have dripped down my pubic hair and into my vagina, so now im so so upset and regretful especially since i wanted this to be a good thing.

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September
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Shiloh, I think you can answer this question yourself by reading again through your previous thread, and looking at the articles that were provided to you there.

I think you already figured out yourself that, if something freaks you out, the best course of action is not to repeat that thing that freaks you out. So I think before you engage in sexual activity again, you and your partner will want to work on figuring out which risks you are comfortable with, and how you can protect yourselves.

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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but it wasnt manual sex so i didnt know, and it was immediately after he ejaculated so i didnt know if that made a difference, i guess i would have noticed if any dripped all the way down.. im sorry i was just wanting someone else's opinion besides my own, also i didnt know if it technically would be indirect since it would have been on my body and then dripping down into the vagina.
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September
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The article that you were linked to covers all types of sexual activity, so you can still find the answer in that article.

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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i dont know what type of sexual activity this would be under?
would it be the same as someone ejaculating on a part of your body thats not your genitals?

i know it was oral, but thats not the part im concerned about.

and it wouldn't be direct genital to genital contact , and he didnt ejaculate on or near my vulva (unless lower stomach is near, but even then it was on the towel and then his hand) so i dont think thats it either. and its not a handful of ejaculate rubbed on the vulva, becuase my vulva was never touched directly by his hand, just maybe the semen if it dripped down

so i dont know what to look at in the article do you know what i mean?

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September
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Well, the article lists all the situations that can pose a pregnancy risk. If your situation is not on there, that would mean that it is not a a situation that poses a pregnancy risk.

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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okay, then i take it this was not a risk, just my anxiety over ruling my brain, thank you for listening and helping me [Smile]
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September
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You are welcome.

Do you want to talk about what you can do prevent these scares in the future?

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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well one thing i can do is to not get scared from something that cannot cause pregnancy, i really thought that trying again with the washing my hands part would make me feel better, not worse, because i thought i would have taken care of everything that i would have to be worried about, and i guess it just didnt happen that way.
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September
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That is a good start. Since you already know what does and does not cause a pregnancy, however, and you are still scared, I think it is time for a conversation with your partner about setting some boundaries. You can talk about what activities you feel okay with, and then stick to those for the time being. You can also research what kinds of protection you can use - for example, maybe having condoms on hand and using them whenever your partner's pants come off might help you feel safer.

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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yeah, he thinks it is dumb that im scared about things like this, and i tend to agree, so i try to be a good girlfriend and put the fears aside for him, but in the end it comes back to bite me, i really thought i had covered all my bases this time [Frown]

i mean i guess i did do better by washing my hands so im not worried about that type of contact but im still a little worried that some could have dripped down somehow, but you said even if it did it wouldnt be a risk so i shouldnt worry :/

also- getting any ejaculate on the pubic hair (or anywhere really) *only* matters if the ejaculate came straight out of the penis and landed right on that part?

[ 04-07-2014, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: Shiloh2345 ]

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Shiloh2345
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I just want to make sure that, from now on, I can rest assured that I will not get pregnant from something like this or anything where semen is transferred from a shirt to hands to vulva.
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Sam W
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I think the best things for you to do in terms of reassurance are to a) re-read the info and conversations we've had with you, as the answers are all there. And b)figure out what level of sexual activity you are comfortable with so that you don't keep having these kinds of scares.
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Shiloh2345
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Okay I'll keep reading them thank you

Just to make sure I know how to read the articles, if they say it does not present a "viable" pregnancy risk does that mean the thing being described is a no risk situation

[ 04-07-2014, 06:23 PM: Message edited by: Shiloh2345 ]

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Sam W
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Hi shiloh,

Would you mind showing me that quote in context?

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Shiloh2345
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Oh it's not a quote, just sometimes in the questions and answers section and I'm not sure what article I was thinking about but I do know that you guys often say it's not a viable pregnancy risk, and I wanted to make sure saying that meant there was no risk, that's all

With the articles I mean they say real risk if pregnancy sorry I got confused for example the "pregnancy scared?" One

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Sam W
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Ah, Ok, I follow. Yes, generally, when we say something is not a viable risk we mean it's not an activity that can cause pregnancy

[ 04-07-2014, 07:39 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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Shiloh2345
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Okay, cool. And about the pregnancy scared article if a person engaged in an activity that's not explicitly stated, However it is not one of the things listed as something that IS a risk, then the thing not explicitly stated is NOT a risk?
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Sam W
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Correct. If you don't see it listed as a risk, then you can safely assume that it's not a risk.
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Shiloh2345
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Well my boyfriend said his hand was dry when he touched me so I guess I freaked out for nothing :/
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September
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Shiloh, I want to circle back to something you said earlier about your boyfriend thinking your fears are "dumb". You know, your fears are not dumb. They may be irrational, but all that means is that you are probably getting ahead of yourself and engaging in sexual activities you are not ready yet. And it is completely okay not not be ready. And as a caring, respectful partner, your boyfriend should accept that and be mindful of your boundaries.

How comfortable and safe do you feel with him? Do you feel that you can communicate well with him, and do you feel respected and supported by him?

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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Yeah, I mean I used to not be like this, like getting scared so easily so I understand that he gets like tired of it, I even get tired of it. But yeah I feel like he tries his best to support me and if I ever did have an actual risk he wouldn't think that was dumb you know? He just can't understand why I would be worried if there wasn't ever a risk you know?
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Heather
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Because: anxiety. Seriously, that is clearly your why, and what you will need to get help with before this changes for you.

I would say he needs to accept that and so do you, and you both would do yourselves a big favor by outting any sex on hold until you do get the help you need.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Shiloh2345
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Okay, it's just weird cuz this is the only thing I'm like this about
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Heather
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Experiencing the greatest anxiety around things with the highest stakes is not usual. And sometimes,too, people with anxiety disorders are only triggered by a thing or two.

What can we do for you to help you take steps towards finding out what kind of help with this is within your reach?

Are you currently in school? If so, a school counselor, if you have one, will likely be able to direct you to avenues for that care. That can be one easy first step to take, to stop in and ask them about those resources.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Shiloh2345
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Okay, yeah I think I'm just going have to muster up the courage to talk to someone about what's going on, and I did research my options if I was to have a real pregnancy risk in the future and I found clinics around where I live and it made me feel much more relieved that I now know I could have a plan of action near by that would be confidential and that I could afford.
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Heather
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You really are if you want this to change.

Same goes with not continuing to do sexual activities when they are triggering you. At all. Not doing them anyway then freaking and looking for anyone to talk you off a ledge, but not going out on the ledge in the first place until you have qualified help to help you figure out ways you can do that that are manageable for you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Shiloh2345
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Okay, I just truly had the idea in my head that I should face my fears and remember all the precautions I could take to make sure that I wasn't worried, like washing my hands and wearing pants the whole time I really thought that would help, and I mean it did some, but I just found another little crack in the plan that caused me to worry, I should have known that that would happen. Thank you for talking to me so much.
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Sam W
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You're welcome. I just want to reiterate Heather's point about seeking out mental healthcare as a the necessary next step to take (beyond not engaging in sexual stuff that stresses you). And, if you're a student, there are likely student health services you can access, which will make the process if getting that healthcare simpler.
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Shiloh2345
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Okay, I will try to seek out help, I got my period today, so I feel decently better, i was wondering though how long sperm can live inside the body, I've ready on sites like planned parenthood that it's 7 days and sometimes longer, but in the seafarers guide article it said if it will be more than a few days till an ovum is available then pregnancy can't happen, 7 days seems like a lot more than a few, or is living 7 days really rare?
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Sam W
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Shiloh, I think focusing less on how long sperm live and more on how the activity you're worried about couldn't have even brought them into that situation is sound right now.

How about this: instead of looking up info about sperm or pregnancy here or anywhere else, you use that same time to check out the mental health services you can access. Sound like a plan?

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Shiloh2345
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Yeah, your right, just knowing stuff like that my brain thinks helps me not worry but your right, I guess idk I guess I'm still worried that some could have dripped down from my pubic area even though he said his hand was dry, how couldn't it have brought them into that situation if some was on his hand?

[ 04-09-2014, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: Shiloh2345 ]

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Shiloh2345
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If some dripped down there how couldn't it have brought sperm into that situation? I just don't understand I guess
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Sam W
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I think you might want to go back and read conversations and articles that we've linked you to here and in previous threads about what sperm can and cannot survive.

Have you looked into mental health services?

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Shiloh2345
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Yeah I'm going to set up an appointment with the counselor at my college.

And I know sperm can't go anywhere with out their fluids but, I'm saying if there was enough of it on his hands to drip all the way to my genitals. And I also know it's hard for them to get propulsion with out the actual ejaculating step but I'm sure it's still possible for them to get there if there was enough fluid

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