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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » YAY! » You, only better: give yourself props!

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Author Topic: You, only better: give yourself props!
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What's the latest thing you've done for yourself when it comes to sexuality and/or relationships to improve your life?

Maybe you've left an unhealthy relationship, stopped putting your body down, started using better safer sex or birth control habits, stopped saying yes to things you don't really want, started being assertive about the things you DO want, gotten started with yearly sexual health exams, come out of the closet...whatever it is, brag about it! What's your latest personal betterment move in this regard?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LacieC
Activist
Member # 33142

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I have started a wonderful relationship, with a guy that has known me my whole life, and already know that I will be getting my ring offically in May!!! He is a great guy and we share many of the same wants for the future and what we want out of life! I'm so excited and loving it.

To start this relationship I also ended one that wasn't going in the direction I wanted. We wanted totally different things out of life.

Lacie

[ 03-07-2008, 06:39 PM: Message edited by: LacieC ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Hey Lacie, that's great! But I'd like to direct this towards things a given person has actually done, actively and for themselves, rather than good things which have happened to someone, or something they're going to be getting okay?)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
Activist
Member # 29292

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Me, I've worked on trying to be more assertive when it comes to sex. I'm not saying it's now become really easy for me but this has definatly gotten a bit easier than it was before. I'm now with a new partner and I feel proud to say that I've been able to be more assertive. I feel more comfortable stating my boundaries. I've been able to tell him that sex was just something I wasn't really ready for yet instead of engaging in it even though that was not something I was ready for or wanted. That's a big accomplishment for me.

I also feel more comfortable being honest about my history because in part I've started dealing with it and accepting it as it is. I can't change it, it made me who I am today and any partner who can't accept that for me just isn't any good partner to be with. I know being honest about your history (and not lying about it) is something incredibly important to do and I'm just glad that I'm slowly getting there.

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Leabug
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Member # 27966

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I've also been working on being more assertive. I'm one of thoes people who just naturally wants to please others, and while that's a good thing, it often leads to me saying yes to things I'm not really up for (such as taking on too many tasks or going out when I'm really just not feeling well enough for it). I've been basically learning how to say "no" and actually mean it, without feeling guilty- there's nothing wrong with taking time for myself to relax and watch a good ol' sci fi movie or two alone! [Smile] This of course has had quite the effect on my relationship- we just got off taking a break from things for a while, and being assertive has meant that I am better-rested and feel more respected by my partner overall. (And though sex is really out of the picture right now due to health issues, I have a feeling that this newfound assertiveness would definately be reflected in my sex life too.)

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Lea

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hs123
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Member # 35336

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Firstly, this is a great topic...
Me, well, I've started more openly talking about sex, about what I like, and don't like... It's actually nice to not feel like sex is so taboo, because I was raised that way...
I've even talked to my parents a little more openly about sex... I think I finally got my dad to accept that his daughter is into boys... haha, I think he really didn't realize it until now, or at least tried not to...

Also, I've finally begun to accept that what has happened is a part of me, but it doesn't make me who I am.
And I know this is silly, but I haven't felt sexy in a really long time because of all of it... so this week, I bought some cute lingerie... actually, I don't have a boyfriend or anything right now, but wearing it around the house makes me feel great about myself!

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orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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I finished my Gardasil shots, started talking about sex quite openly with my mother and sisters (still too awkward to talk about with my brothers), and turned down a date with someone I wasn't attracted to (that's a first for me; I have the problem of usually saying yes because I feel bad and worry that I hurt their feelings if I say no, but now I know it's better to say no than to lead them on by saying yes). I'm still working on the whole asking someone out first thing, but it'll have to wait until I meet a guy I'm really attracted to (and who's also single). [Smile]

[ 03-08-2008, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: orca ]

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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justpeachy
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Member # 26195

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My boyfriend broke up with me last June and I was a wreck over it. He then used me over the summer until he went to college in September. I was stupid and naive for thinking it would get him to come back to me, and want a relationship again with me. But after being with him for almost 3 years, I couldn't help but still want to have a relationship with him.

The past year has been over all a shaky year for me. (break up, health issues, family scares, stress from everything... and having really no one to talk to) But recently every day seems to be getting better.

I have really been getting over my ex, even though it is still painful and I do miss him sometimes. But I'm learning to really accept it. It has been so hard for me because I never actually got an explanation from him as to why we were breaking up. So I've always been trying to see why it ended since I have never really known.

I have finally just come to a conclusion, so that I feel like I DO have some closure on the whole thing. This is how I've been looking at it: He wanted to break up because he wanted to see what else was out there, since we were each others first relationship, first everything pretty much. So I try to justify his leaving because he wanted to see what else was out there.

At the same time though I think that this was unfair. If he wanted to do that, he should have told me. Then I'd have an explanation instead of not knowing why at all.

I've deleted him from my facebook, AIM, cell phone. Everything. (Just can't delete him from my memory [Embarrassed] [Razz] )

He wanted to stay friends with me after all this happened... but I just couldn't do it knowing that I still loved him and had feelings for him, I knew it just wouldn't work.

Anyways.. I'm getting rid of him from my life, getting over him. I got accepted to all the colleges I've applied to, and I am so excited for college this fall! I also am seeing this guy that graduated last year from my high school. I was never really friends with him until we started talking around the beginning of February. We aren't dating, but we call each other almost every day, and we talk for a long time. Which I really like. I've missed talking to someone to tell them about my day. And we've gone to the movies too! haha so it seems to be going in a good direction.

But I'm struggling with the fact that I don't know if I want to be in another relationship right now. I don't know if I want to begin something here in my hometown, when I will be going a few states away for college.

But I'm just letting everything happen, and I'm just seeing where it all goes [Big Grin]

Taking each day one at a time [Cool]

I'm also going to start working out again vary soon!

Thats about it.. haha

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sofisof
Neophyte
Member # 37247

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Im sending guys to hell! No, Im just joking. Im applying to arts school, put alot of work into my portfolio, and told my idiot ex to go to hell (which many mods my object to me saying here, but if they knew him, they'd know he deserved it). Anyway, I am glad because I had always made excuses for him. Now, I can simply admit he was a you-know-what. And Im much, much more assertive now, to the point that it feels like a dam just broke open in me. I turned down two guys, which i read this other girl did, and you know what, shes right! I always feel sorry for them, and i agree to go out anyway! And my mother was always telling me to give guys a chance, but I think she is wrong in that. I have a right to go out with someone I am attracted to. Anyway, Id always felt kind of pathetic because I thought that I had to strive very hard to be...well, assertive, and that it was not something that comes naturally to me, but in actuality it does because that is who I really am, only I did not know it! And Im growing out my own hair, not dying it anymore...
Posts: 12 | From: Iowa | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sofisof
Neophyte
Member # 37247

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Im sending guys to hell! No, Im just joking. Im applying to arts school, put alot of work into my portfolio, and told my idiot ex to go to hell (which many mods my object to me saying here, but if they knew him, they'd know he deserved it). Anyway, I am glad because I had always made excuses for him. Now, I can simply admit he was a you-know-what. And Im much, much more assertive now, to the point that it feels like a dam just broke open in me. I turned down two guys, which i read this other girl did, and you know what, shes right! I always feel sorry for them, and i agree to go out anyway! And my mother was always telling me to give guys a chance, but I think she is wrong in that. I have a right to go out with someone I am attracted to. Anyway, Id always felt kind of pathetic because I thought that I had to strive very hard to be...well, assertive, and that it was not something that comes naturally to me, but in actuality it does because that is who I really am, only I did not know it! And Im growing out my own hair, not dying it anymore...
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pyro_angel
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 13245

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I'm working on getting my body healthy and happy. I've got a new family doctor, getting a new psychiatrist, and have been working on being more assertive about my needs during sex. It's tough, but I'm starting to get excited about working through a particular physical issue! I have been very clear with my boyfriend that he needs to be supportive through this, and its working! He's listening!
Ahh, life is okay!

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Courtenay

Posts: 593 | From: Kamloops, BC, Canada | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atonement
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42492

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I finally got my first Gardasil shot! And what's even better, is I actually found a brand new clinic for residents of my county that gives them for $10.

Even though it's only one STD, I feel a lot better knowing that I've done something to protect myself and make any future encounters more safe.

I started using a menstrual cup, which I think will be more healthy for me, as well as being cost effective and better for the environment.

I also finally purchased some lube. While I bought it mostly for the menstrual cup, I'm planning on adding it to a "safer sex" kit I'm making for college. I'm hoping that it will make future sexual encounters more comfortable for me, unlike my last one where none was available and turned out to be pretty uncomfortable.

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