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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Bad Idea?

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Author Topic: Bad Idea?
paperninjaSadie
Neophyte
Member # 110340

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So a friend of mine (let's call her Jo) recently began a relationship with a guy (let's call him Ed) she met over Skype, who lives about 400 miles away. Ed and Jo have never met in person, but they have video chatted multiple times and text constantly. The whole "starting off long distance" thing would be hard enough, but on top of it all Ed's 19. Jo's 15. And they met 2 weeks ago. They mesh really well, have many similar intrests, and are very flirty and cute, but I'm still a little nervous for Jo. This is her first relationship. She told her parents, and they weren't happy about it, plus some of her other friends were skeptical, but she says she doesn't care. I just don't want her to make any bad mistakes, or get hurt. What should I do? And what should she do?
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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi paperninja,

I think that, beyond letting Jo know about your misgivings, there isn't much else you can do other than continue to be her friend as you normally would. I agree with you that a 19 year old starting a relationship with a 15 year old is not an auspicious sign, so I can see why you (and Jo's parents) are concerned.

The reason I recommend continuing your friendship as usual is that, if you've told her your worries and she's dismissed them, continuing to bring them up might not help matters. She's in the thrall of an exciting new relationship and she may feel that no one understands how she's feeling, so she doesn't want to listen to them.

Now, if she says something that sets off alarm bells (like that Ed has been getting more sexual, or demanding, etc), then you are totally within bounds to say "woah, that doesn't sound like an okay thing to me. How do you feel about it?" But, by not continuously bringing up your worries, you may make it easier for her to approach you if something does start to go wrong with Ed, because she might feel like you're not someone who will jump on her with a bunch of "I told you so's"

I do want to ask, do you know how she met Ed?

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paperninjaSadie
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Ed and Jo met by way of a mutual friend in a group chat over Skype.
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Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Ah, okay, thanks (I was wondering if he had sought her out or not).

When you have brought up your concerns to her, has she said anything more specific than "I don't care?"

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