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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » On slowing conversations and same old same old

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Author Topic: On slowing conversations and same old same old
Member # 108606

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I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months, we love eachother so much and we've had an amazing relationship.
We spend time together 2 or 3 times a week between work and school. Most of the time, we just chill at either my house or his and watch movies, mess around sometimes, and just hang out with eachother. Sometimes we go out for dinner or to the beach when it's nice enough. We're both pretty laid-back people and don't have a problem with just hanging out.
Lately our conversations have been slower, responses don't come as fast, and it can be hard to find things to talk about, in person and in texts. He brought up that he thinks we should go out to do things more. I'm so scared that he's getting bored with our relationship, it's been bothering me so bad.
He is the most important person in the world to me, we both need eachother and want to be together but this is really bringing me down.
If anyone has any relationship advice it would really be appreciated. I can't imagine not having him in my life, I honestly would do anything for him.

Posts: 17 | From: Michigan | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It's very typical for developing relationships to go through adjustment phases as you move from one phase to another. And shiofting out of the brand-new -- and the first half a year, if not more, is certainly that -- to a relationship people are settling into is often a challenging transition.

It sounds, though, like your boyfriend is trying to bring some creative approaches to this, like having you two get out more. maybe he does feel a little settled, but when we settle in a bit more, we will tend to feel that way. Feeling that way -- if he does -- or wanting more new experiences with someone is not bad news all by itself. Have you talked with him about your concerns and fears around this? And maybe also made clear you are open to trying some of his ideas to keep things fresh?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108606

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Talking about it with him really scares me so I kind of avoid it. I know this probably isn't good if we want to make it better, but I don't know, I guess I'm afraid that if I bring it up, he'll focus on it a lot and maybe lose sight of the good things we still have. I'm just scared to death of losing him, but I hate having these doubts so much.
Sometimes I ask him like, "how are we?" and he'll assure me "everything is perfect." cuz he knows I worry about these things. But I just can't shake the feeling that we're slowing down in our relationship and that the routine isn't exciting for us anymore.

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Sam W
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Member # 108189

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It sounds to me like, although he may be also feeling that you two have fallen into a routine and he would like to have some new experiences, he is still invested in being with you. My guess is, if he wasn't, he wouldn't be suggesting you try new things together. And, many couples find that going out and doing new stuff together actually helps them strengthen the bond between them.

However, the only way to know for sure what he's feeling is, as Heather mentioned, talking with him. It sounds like he is understanding and cares about you, so there's a good chance he'd prefer to have you discuss your worries with him rather than find out that you've been bottling them up

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