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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Parents

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Author Topic: Parents
Member # 108369

Icon 9 posted      Profile for loopsyme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi, this time I have a problem which is totally different than my previous posts. I'm the one and only child of my parents. I really don't want it to sound like a cliche but they don't understand me. I've tried so hard to make them to, they did not even try, though. They don't even know what they put me through. I have a caring boyfriend who loves me so much, and so do I. We are now together for 9 months. My dad had a chance to meet him, they pretty loved each other. However, my mom hasn't yet. We had a few fights with my bf, they were not that important though, just a few stupid ones. Since my mom has seen me crying over these, she behaves prejudicial towards him. I tried to talk to her about it but she insisted. Today we were together with him, just hanging out, having lunch together etc. Apparently I forgot to logout from my twitter account and my mom had seen my chat with my best friend about me and bf fooling around. She thought that we had sex, she really doesn't want me to and actually we didn't have sex, not at all. So while I was with him today, she sent me a few text messages telling me to come home right away. I was confused, anyway I did what she told. I was crying while walking back home, my bf was with me too, he was hugging me while I was crying. Like, he's so caring you know? He really doesn't want me to get hurt. As I got home, I had to say goodbye to him. Then, my dad started to yelling at me, just swearing at me and all. I didn't even understand what was happening. He told me to forget about the college (to study abroad he means) and all that I'm really a successful student and I care about my future, I really do want to study abroad. And I worked and still working so hard on it to get to a good one. He can't do this right? How come he say something like that? And when I asked him what was the problem he didn't even say anything but a slang word. Then my mom told me to go to my room, she also walked with me to my room. After that she told me that she read all my chat with my best friend, and that she wanted to know what was going on. Then I explained everything to her, we're good now. But I really don't want it to happen again. And my dad has forbidden me to see my boyfriend I mean what the heck is wrong with them? I'm 16, and they don't even want me to go out with my friends? We really have a huge problem, and I don't know what to do? Can you help me please I'm freaking out [Frown]
Posts: 38 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108007

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kaizen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Let me see if I've got this right: You explained everything to your mom (good for you! That was really brave) and you and your mom are "good", but your dad is still forbidding you to see your boyfriend. What I'm not sure about here is what you mean when you say "good".

If that means your mom is now okay with you seeing your boyfriend, you could always ask her to help you talk to your dad.

If not, you need to talk to both your parents. You could explain a lot of what you said here: getting into college really does mean a lot to you, you're studying really hard, you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your future, and your boyfriend knows that and he wouldn't either. This may be the same sort of thing you said last time, but it sounds like last time everyone, or at least your father, was in shock and very emotional. The discussion might go better when everyone is calmer.

~Bee o( l l )-

Posts: 24 | From: Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 107716

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Hello there loopsyme! [Smile]

I think Kaizen's suggestion about asking your mom for help to talk to your dad could be a good idea. Do you think that's something you could ask her for?

You know, sometimes when we are the only child put us in a tough spot, especially when parents are overprotective. So I totally feel your frustration. Seems like maybe if your parents have the chance to get to know your boyfriend better could help a little. For example, you mentioned that your mom didn't have the chance to meet him well but she saw you crying about some fights you had with him and that makes me think that maybe (just maybe, not trying to justify your mother) she only got one side of the story, know what I mean? Of course your dad yelling at you is so not okay, and I can totally understand how that made you feel bad. [Frown]

So, what would you feel about asking them to have a talk, when everyone is more calmer, maybe asking your mother for help to talk to your dad? Is that something you would like/want to do?

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

Posts: 420 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108369

Icon 1 posted      Profile for loopsyme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thank you for your answers [Smile] Yeah, I'm gonna try to talk to them when everyone is calmer. Last night, I had a talk with my father actually and he was nicer about the college thing. I guess, words just slipped out of his mouth with all the rage, he was like "oh well sorry about that". Mom told me that my dad was unaware of the message thing, so he doesn't have a clue about that. I really don't know why he was mad at me. I need to figure this out. On the other hand, mom looks a bit more at ease. However, she still needles me sometimes. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared that we will never be the same. I mean they mean the world to me. I hope this will never change [Frown]
Posts: 38 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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I'm glad to hear that you and your father were able to have a chat.

It sounds like things are simmering down slowly with you and your parents. personally, I think it's good that people aren't just acting like nothing happened, because something did happen and, as you say, when things calm down more, you want to be able to talk about this with them.

It's pretty clear that you love your parents a lot, and that they love you a lot too! [Smile] Relationships with parents do tend to change over time, but that doesn't mean that the love has to change. It just means that you may not always see eye to eye, but you can still have disagreements and feel love for each other.


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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