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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I don't know what to do.... help? please?

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Author Topic: I don't know what to do.... help? please?
Tophatguy
Neophyte
Member # 109115

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Well, 2 years ago I started getting bullied (not physically, thank God) and yes I've spoken to the right people, they offered for me to change classes which wouldn't work because they bully me during break, and they said if they excluded them, then when they come back ill be bullied harder. This is a lose lose situation, all because me a geek managed to get close to my crush and asked her out, which they intercepted.

Now is 2 years later, I've moved on, but I'm 16 and still not had a relationship, 1 of which said it was because the bullies started on her. Another of which moved house to the other side of Scotland, and we thought it silly to make it long distance, so we are still good friends and regularly,

Help me get a girlfriend?

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--- Geeky and proud, almost...

Posts: 6 | From: ArgyllandBute, Scotland. | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi Tophatguy and welcome to Scarleteen,

Helping people get girlfriends, or boyfriends, or partners of any gender, really isn't what we do here. [Smile]

If you have any concerns about relationships, we'd be happy to talk about those. Are you afraid that if you pursue a relationship, or even ask someone out on a date, you'll be bullied again?

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Robin

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Tophatguy
Neophyte
Member # 109115

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I am sorry that this is not a topic that this forum helps with. I am sorry for any inconvenience.
Posts: 6 | From: ArgyllandBute, Scotland. | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think there may have been some misunderstanding here, as we can likely talk to you about what you are asking about and help you some with that.

What do you feel like, now, are the barriers to pursuing dating for you? Is there anyone specific now, you have that interest in?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tophatguy
Neophyte
Member # 109115

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There is this girl in my class, but to be honest, I don't have any confidence, what so ever.
Posts: 6 | From: ArgyllandBute, Scotland. | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Okay.

What do you think might help you start to develop that confidence? And do you feel the same way when it comes to making friends, including friends with women?

This girl in your class, what do you like about her? And what common ground do you think or know you might share to potentially be able to connect with her on. Or even just talk to her about to start to get to know each other better?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Tophatguy
Neophyte
Member # 109115

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I have to say, although I'm a self-confessed geek, I am sociable and have lots of friends, admittedly less than half are female but those that I am friends with are really close. But my main concern is that this girl that I like is my best friend and I just don't want to ruin the friendship. How do I win in this situation?
Posts: 6 | From: ArgyllandBute, Scotland. | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi tophatguy,

That's a really common concern to have when someone we like romantically is also someone we are close to as a friend. One thing to consider is that, if your friendship is a strong one, it can usually survive one person confessing feelings that aren't reciprocated (with the caveat that, if she doesn't like you back, you continue to be friends with her without pestering her about it).

So, my suggestion is to tell your friend about your feelings towards her. It may be awkward (or it might turn out really well), and if you get rejected it might sting, but it will be better than worrying and wondering if she reciprocates your feelings.

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Tophatguy
Neophyte
Member # 109115

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yeah, she simply said no, it would ruin the group dynamic. Thanks, for the advice, she doesn't seem that awkward about it.
Posts: 6 | From: ArgyllandBute, Scotland. | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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I'm glad to hear it doesn't seem to have brought an avalanche of awkward into your friendship, but I am sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped it might.

Is there anything else we can help you with (support, advice, etc)?

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Tophatguy
Neophyte
Member # 109115

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I am fine, thanks for the advice.
Posts: 6 | From: ArgyllandBute, Scotland. | Registered: Dec 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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