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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Will I ever get it right???

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Author Topic: Will I ever get it right???
BreakingSilence
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A guy I posted about a while back and I ended up hitting it off pretty quickly. We've even thought about living together.. Everything is "perfect" about him except ONE thing... Apparently he didn't have the easiest life growing up. His mom was a drug addict, and his father an alcoholic. I myself do not drink, but he is extremely critical and judgmental towards those who choose to drink alcohol. He also tends to think aggressively and angrily towards them. I tell him he needs to let it go and I ask him why he cares so much ( about what other people do), or why he makes it his business? He will go on and on about how ALL people who drink are "degenerative" and all this and that. I mean my family drinks the occasional beer or glass of wine, does this make them bad people just because he's had bad experiences with addicts in his life? I mean honestly, he treats me like GOLD! I've never had any man in this world treat me so well, but what am I supposed to do about his stubborn attitude toward people who drink, he said if we ever had children he would teach them that all people who drink are trash. I do agree that children need to learn early that alcohol is bad, but I just don't believe its appropriate to teach kids to judge everyone in that way. He also believes they all deserve to be beat up. He puts so much energy into obsessing over those who choose to drink alcohol I almost wonder if we're going to last. I understand he has had issues in the past, but I don't feel that is any way to handle your past problems. He takes it out on everyone else? He will even talk badly about people he does not know who may be drinking. I think he needs HELP, but he refuses to accept that , and doesn't think he needs to talk to anyone. I'm kind of lost with what to even think. Maybe the "Perfect Man", children and family are too far from reaching... I give up... Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[ 11-12-2013, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: BreakingSilence ]

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Sam W
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Hi breakingsilence,

I'd say this has less to do with you being able to get things right and more to do with your boyfriend's unhealthy method of coping with his anger. You mention that you think he needs help, and I agree that the emotions he's dealing with are something that should be worked through with the help of counselor. However, it sounds like you've recommended this to him and he's rejected it. Depending on how you feel, it may be worth it to tell him that his anger around this issue is adversely affecting your relationship, and that you want him to seek help for that reason. How do you think he'd react to that?

I also want to stress that, even if he is great in other regards, if his behavior on this front is making you unhappy you don't have to stay with him. I know it can be hard to let go of a future we've imagined having with someone, but it's good to keep in mind that having one relationship turn out to not match our hopes doesn't mean you have to let go of having a husband and a family. It just means that this may not be the right person for you to start it with.

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BreakingSilence
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Thanks for your response. I supposed I can raise these questions with him. Thank you for your help! [Smile]

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Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept what we have no control over.

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Sam W
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You're quite welcome!
Posts: 1292 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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