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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My boyfriend cheated on me and I forgave him

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Author Topic: My boyfriend cheated on me and I forgave him
Member # 108954

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Well, I've been with this guy for about 5 months and about 2 months ago I found out that he had sex with a girl he used to talk to before me. I see this girl every day, and she came clean and told me the truth about it because we became friends. Now, despite this, I forgave him because even though it hurt me a lot, it was the only mistake he has ever done in terms of our relationship and I understand that nobody's perfect. He's positive that it will never again happen, and I do believe him.

Now that we are together, for some reason the passion between us has sparked, which is pretty ironic. I'm a virgin (we are planning to have sex soon though) and I now feel tremendously attracted to him, and I don't understand why. Is it right for me to feel this way? Is it normal? I'm not complaining, but I'm just scared that later I'll get depressed about what he did and I'll regret that he took my virginity (if we have sex).

Posts: 1 | From: Virginia | Registered: Nov 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hi CandyCane! Welcome to Scarleteen! [Smile]

First of all, I would like to say that when it comes to feelings, there is no "right", "wrong" or "normal". You get to feel what ever you feel, and that's always okay. If it helps to hear it, having sexual attraction to someone we like, even after we had some troubles with them, sounds pretty normal to me. [Smile]

When we are thinking about having sex for the first time, I think is really important we take some time to think about our expectations and what we want to get out about it. I you ask me, virginity is not something someone can "take" away from us, and whenever we decide to have sex, is something we should do only because we want to do it, and we feel ready to do it (physically, intellectually and emotionally). Saddly, there is no way to see the future and be sure if your boyfriend is going to stick to the promise he did, or to know if you are going to have regrets or not about having sex with him, but if and when you make the decision of having sex - be with him or someone else - if you decide this because you wanted to do it for yourself, then I think that will help you with the possible outcomes. [Smile]

Here is a link for an article I think would be helpful. Sometimes doing this kind of "checklist" is a very nice way to think about the big stuff in our lives.

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Hope this helps a little! If there is anything else you want to talk about or need help with, let us know and we'll be happy to talk with you. [Smile]

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

Posts: 420 | From: Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Jun 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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In a situation like thisI would personally advise taking more time to rebuild trust, and see that this person actually maintains that for a while, say a few months, before moving forward into something the really requires a lot of it, like sex. Especially if this is a first-time sexual relationship for you.

At the very least, too, since you know they have very recently, and within your relationship, had another sexual partner, I would be sure this guy gets a new round of STI testing first.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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